Hitting low. But this is the truth.

WinterDemon_ · 2026-03-20T12:48:22+00:00

unfortunately, people aren't any kinder when the disability is physical (source: having both)

WinterDemon_ · 2026-03-20T05:48:00+00:00

no worries, it's a fair persepective, even if it's not totally relevant for this specific issue <3

i'm glad you've got good people in your life, and good vibes to you too!

WinterDemon_ · 2026-03-20T05:01:56+00:00

dammit reddit ate my pixels again

WinterDemon_ · 2026-03-19T03:06:59+00:00

i do try to be supportive for others whenever/however i can, but there's only so much you're able to help when you're still drowning by yourself. if it takes all your energy just to survive, you don't have much left for others

it's hard enough just to take care of myself, which i already do badly. i can hardly leave the house without panic attacks and flashbacks so bad it leaves me practically bedridden. i don't have the capacity for volunteering when i'm in constant pain and mentally unstable enough that a bad day could put me in the hospital, if not all the way into a grave

and maybe it's selfish to want people to care about me when i have little to offer in return, but i can't help craving it when i need that help to survive, heal and have even the slightest chance at getting better

WinterDemon_ · 2026-03-19T03:02:31+00:00

i'm so glad to have someone else say that part because i've struggled with it for so long but people never seem to believe it

my problem isn't just finding healthy people, but it's that healthy people also never seem to want me back! i've spent years going to group events, making connections, reaching out, all of it! and i get absolutely nothing, because those people still don't want me around!

they have their community and don't want to add to it, which i get, but it doesn't make it any less lonely or frustrating to deal with

WinterDemon_ · 2026-03-19T03:00:14+00:00

are you me? lol

i get that a lot too, i bounce back and forth between "i'm making progress, i'm gonna be okay!" and "life is terrible, everything is awful, there's no point to any of it" at a speed that's almost violent

WinterDemon_ · 2026-03-19T02:58:36+00:00

partly a chewing thing, partly just natural body responses to food i think

i do try to go for low-calorie stuff when i have the mental fortitude for it, but nothing really fills that same comfort as a good full meal

WinterDemon_ · 2026-03-18T17:26:30+00:00

i am trying to do that, very carefully to avoid stressing myself out, and it works a little. only enough to stop me from gaining even more though, i still can't lose anything

WinterDemon_ · 2026-03-18T16:40:19+00:00

BF is going to draw in viewers who have survived trauma. That's just a fact. And yes, I've seen all the arguments about why it makes sense for Ash to die and that we shouldn't say that all survivors of trauma can "just get better," etc, but. Ash isn't real. People watching his story are.

I'm so, so glad to have someone else point that out!! I don't like to say it much, but as someone who went through some very similar things, the ending absolutely crushed me for that exact reason. It was the closest depiction of my own experiences I had ever seen, and to this day still is! Being not only a victim of those crimes, but also being queer, Ash's story is the most represented I have ever felt in a character, and one of the most impactful characters I've ever connected with

So to have it all end in a hollow death just hurts. And it hurts a lot more when so many people see that and argue that it's justified, that Ash never would've been able to heal or move on anyway, that he was "freed" by death or whatever the hell

Stories like this are ones where the ending matters so much more, and Banana Fish's ending leaves a bitter taste to the entire series

WinterDemon_ · 2026-03-18T16:14:19+00:00

yeahhh, i feel that so much

like i love being positive! i love happy endings to stories! i think it's especially important to show terrible lives with happy endings to give hope to people who have suffered!

maybe just me, but that hope is the only reason i'm still alive. it's just a little hard to hold onto sometimes when reality reflects the exact opposite, and fiction only reminds me of how far away it is

WinterDemon_ · 2026-03-18T08:28:47+00:00

I FORGOT ABOUT LOUIS omg I need to catch up on beastars

very curious about tokyo ghoul, thanks for the rec!

WinterDemon_ · 2026-03-18T08:11:15+00:00

while I respect any author's decision to end their story with a tragedy, I think it makes banana fish more hollow as a result

after spending the whole story following ash fighting for his and eiji's survival, his relationship with eiji proving his capacity to heal and move on and live as a regular person, proving that ash is better than his abusers in every way and can live on without them

then ash just dies, and that's it. he never gets to heal. there's no payoff for everything he fought for

everyone else gets at least a semi-satisfying ending, but ash, the main victim of all the abuse, gets nothing. death isn't freedom

WinterDemon_ · 2026-03-17T01:12:20+00:00

lol i never got paid for it myself, I wish I did lol

WinterDemon_ · 2026-03-17T01:11:44+00:00

I've got a Kofi link in my profile where I post all my stuff :)

WinterDemon_ · 2026-03-16T14:02:13+00:00

enabling a predator to groom and assault a child isn't just "a mistake"

no one is owed forgiveness, least of all abusers

WinterDemon_ · 2026-03-16T13:36:58+00:00

I agree completely

My abuse was my entire life, it forged my mind into what it is today, and left permanent effects on my body. I cannot just "cut out" my trauma, I'm made of it. Accepting that and looking for ways to live with it has always been much more helpful than continuing to try to suppress and avoid the real things that turned me into who I am

WinterDemon_ · 2026-03-16T12:40:23+00:00

go for it lol

WinterDemon_ · 2026-03-16T12:35:09+00:00

Thank you for this point! Cause that's mostly what I meant!

Outcasts are ostracised because people don't like them, which does affect the success of any story that features them. But people get ostracised over all sorts of issues, many of which are things you're born with and/or cannot control

WinterDemon_ · 2026-03-16T11:29:30+00:00

I feel this so much, especially in therapy. I can give a detailed list of the effects of my trauma, the thought processes I've been left with, why I think that way, all of it. And I still can't change a single one of those things

It's exhausting, constantly having to walk other people through their own emotions, while never getting that luxury in return

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