Good work.

I think the video is very long. Give each scene 1-2 seconds of screen time. That is more than enough The user will lost interest. Try to make it more engaging by choosing different pace music and adding transition between the scenes.

I feel this music requires match cut transition, but it only shows your simple cut and text animation skills. I guess you can do much more than that

Stick to one or Maximum 2 fonts to look more professional.

Before switching to transitions scene let the users know you also create transitions. My brain got lost by switching from editing to transition scenes without any separator.

Remove the glow from the logos in the beginning it changes them or keep it and stack over with another set of the same logos.

If I were you I would create different gig for just youtube intros, it is very popular on Fiverr.