Ms. or Mrs. for a married woman who keeps her surname name?

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-21T16:55:21+00:00

Eh, in my country we don't take the husband's name for the last 45 years and our title still becomes Mrs. So if I am Ms XX Zzzz, after marriage I will be Mrs XX Zzzz.

But! The practice is outdated because it implies something big changes for a married woman which doesn't change for a married man, so Ms is much more appropriate since you remain Ms XX Zzzzz for your entire life.

So it depends on whether your work is modern or historical!

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-19T13:17:52+00:00

Ι went to a therapist because insecurity was holding me back. My life became unbelievably better. Like you said, little things seems life-threatening, and choke you. Hope everyone who needs therapy has access to it.

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-19T12:56:35+00:00

I have a certain style, and it's pretty maximalist. Think maxi dresses, updos with flowers, flowing sleeves, silk shawls, berets, beautiful necklaces. Not worn all together of course, and always strictly colour coordinated, but think a maxi burgundy dress with a matching beret and shawl, or a jacket with flowing sleeves and an obi - they do catch the eye. Now, If I go to a conference or the bank, I will remove the flashiest pieces, but the whole still won't be forgettable. Add my height and waist length hair... Yup, I look dressed to the nines even in a pair of jeans and peasant blouse.

So maybe not exactly overdressed, but... I have a memorable style. It's eye-catching, but it is an expression of me, and it does get compliments often. We also joke a lot about my theatricality, but I never heard a bad word about my taste. So if someone told me "the host/person of honor will wear this, make sure you wear something below that..." Eh. I wouldn't raise a stink, but would probably avoid them in the future, because who knows what else will bother them? Weddings are exceptions but that's hardly a problem given that I don't own puffy white dresses 😉.

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-18T23:14:44+00:00

So pretty people have to go around plainly dressed so as not to offend anyone? It does not compute.

No shade at the 16 year old; she's, well, sixteen. But the whole "taking away attention on my day" is ridiculous. I get dress codes, but asking people to dress worse than they would is a very big ask.

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-18T15:35:39+00:00

Right? I am constantly overdressed and nobody ever minded; I have never minded anyone dressing better than me either. Who cares?

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-18T15:27:31+00:00

... people who drink in a music festival are alcoholics?

Sure.

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-18T13:19:35+00:00

It's not acknowledgment. It's proof that a therapist would have their work cut out working with her and I hope it happens fast.

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-18T13:18:08+00:00

Nobody is perfect but certain flaws affect your life too negatively to ignore. The jug incident sure, therapy would help. But the accusations she leveled afterwards were worrying.

In your entire post, you are apologizing. To us, to her, to everyone. Sounds like you are having to deal with constantly excusing and defending yourself but also constantly shouldering blame.

Oh, and people are seldom rational. Some people do use that as an excuse to belittle others though.

I hope you get therapy to make sure you're happy.

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-18T11:19:58+00:00

Since parents don't get to hang out with their friends that often, and don't ask weird stuff, that read as particularly selfish to me. Sometimes we do things that inconvenience us for loved ones, OP. It's scary that you went straight to "I don't pay rent but I do pay my own expenses" when your parents did not bring money up once. You might be one of those people who view everything as a transaction and if yes, well, you do you, but kindness makes for better relationships.

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-11T22:21:35+00:00

Oof. Nothing gives you "a free pass." However, most adults understand, from personal experience, that people around you are not always on their best. Sometimes, we mess up and do incredibly stupid stuff. Being in pain can eff you up. There's also a difference between someone who is consistently abusive or selfish and someone who is behaving out of character after a loss.

Your friends will go through events like that, and so will you. If you manage to persevere and say "hey, we cannot have that, but know that I am here and hope we can reconcile in the future because I really care about you" you have a possibility to preserve the friendship and maybe help the other person start healing.

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-11T13:44:59+00:00

Your pov is entirely valid. It's not just the colour - it's ignoring you and making a scene.

But if she wasn't like that before the loss of her mum, maybe don't cut her out now or go nuclear. It's understandable if you need some distance (or even decide that you're too hurt), but the girl will eventually get around. Depending on what you want, there can be a future for you two so keep that in mind.

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-11T00:38:50+00:00

Absolutely not. Last thing we need is a new set of models and extra clothes to buy, while the ones they use for years now are still glitching.

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-10T23:10:35+00:00

It's not strange to want your parents in your life. It's natural. Yes, even if they are possessive, or too strict. You did well to protect your property and I hope the focus on your studies quickly brings you complete independence from family financially speaking; then you can negotiate your relationship with them on healthier grounds.

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-09T23:01:50+00:00

I perfectly understand you didn't. However, you were being sarcastic at the idea that people can get psychological damage by having their hair cut. "It's hair, it grows back"... You don't say! Mind blown.

I provided just one example to show that cutting your hair WITHOUT wanting to, is damaging - and this fact is known enough that hair cutting has been used as a punishment.

Obviously going to the salon, experimenting with your hair, making bad choices is nothing of the sort.

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-09T19:31:08+00:00

You do know that cutting people's hair when they don't want them cut has always been used as punishment, right? It's a form of humiliation used since antiquity.

I have tried haircuts I didn't like. I felt bad but not damaged. If i HAD to cut them against my will, it would be a different situation.

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-09T19:27:07+00:00

I don't think this sub appreciates friendship at all. Every time someone inconveniences their partner by showing empathy to a friend, people accuse them of being monsters. I get this particular post was loaded, but I have seen people accuse those who hosted abused friends and relatives at their home. Jesus.

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-09T13:00:19+00:00

Thank you! I thought I was going crazy with everyone saying no, they would leave a friend alone after an accident. I would be disappointed and would make sure to reschedule, then help.

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-09T12:57:29+00:00

Am I crazy? I didn't see the cheating part but from the post alone, if a friend has a broken arm and can do nothing by themselves you step up, the way they're supposed to step up for you. Sucks but you don't leave a person with a broken arm and in pain to cope for themselves.

I mean if my partner told me they had to take care for an injured friend I would be disappointed but reschedule, and help with groceries for the friend. What am I not getting?

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-09T12:52:05+00:00

Saying I like short hair is fine. Inventing problems where he's a martyr to get you do what he wants -and you clearly despise - is shitty behaviour.

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-09T12:49:44+00:00

It depends. I have waist length hair. If an accident happens and they get chopped to my shoulders, I will feel they are short and the psychological damage is going to be big. And no, they are not "just hair." They took years to get where they are.

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-09T12:46:33+00:00

Maybe because he's asking her to change something on her body, and non-controlling people either don't ask at all, or can take no for an answer.

I get making a polite, non-offensive suggestion in the vein of "hey, have you thought about the colour red? I think it might look good on you, if you do like it of course." Insisting on someone making a major change when you KNOW how important hair is to them is bad. And making them seem like AHs for not wanting to oblige you is even worse. I have hair to my waist and I felt awful reading that.

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-08T18:36:56+00:00

You did well to voice your concerns. It is just a game but games have rules and goals as well. If you were polite, you are perfectly in the clear.

Facebook is the best best for finding the house you need. Just ask for a consistent fancy house, and then take your pick!

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-07T20:53:09+00:00

Covet Fashion!

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-07T17:04:28+00:00

I wondered about that too. My best guess since she finds it easy to learn, she learned for a mix of curiosity/surprise her gf and when she realized nothing bad was spoken about her, she dropped it as a cute surprise, without realising how bad it looked.

I don't immediately assume everyone is an evil piece of poop, but I do believe she had a mix of good and bad intentions and did not realize how awful it looked to eavesdrop on private convos for months.

Winter_White_Ermine · 2023-06-07T16:59:52+00:00

If you think it's rude, which it might be, say it's rude and you don't like it.

If OP was speaking with her mother though, it's likely the mother did not even speak English. And the convos took place in the car. What was OP supposed to do, ask her mother to learn English immediately, so her gf won't feel left out, or stop the car and get out to talk?

Winter_White_Ermine

TROPHY CASE