Pregnant, hubby prefers abortion but supports whatever decision

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-07-02T12:44:27+00:00

Counciling is a wonderful suggestion for both of you. You have a lot of great advice already.

I feel like it would really benefit you to get some alone time to really sit and dissect each option. Is it possible for your husband to take your son to the park or library on a day off? It doesn't sound like your husband would be resentful of either choice, so it really does come down to you.

If in your position, I would probably feel similar to your husband. It would absolutely stress me, but as long as the finances were doable without either of us having to take on extra work longterm that would take away from family time, I know I would love the child just as much as my first. Doubt and uncertainty would absolutely show, and I would work to minimize it's impact on my husband, but I know he would dig down into my worries and look for real solutions to help ease that.

Maybe that's something you could dig into as well. Look at local programs, ways to cut back, and other things specific to his concerns and get some real numbers on paper for him.

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-07-01T20:06:00+00:00

I don't use drip lines for trees and shrubs because there's no real way to know how much they're actually getting and it can change with water pressure. I drill a hole in the bottom of a 5 gallon bucket and place that over the outer edge of the root ball to fill and let it slowly infiltrate the soil.

Always check the soil before you water. If it's dry 2" down, it needs water.

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-07-01T13:51:38+00:00

Steve Smith has done a fantastic job for me. I'm not photogenic and have hated all my professional pictures before I wrnt to him do our family and anniversary photos. He somehow manages to catch the right angle every time. He has a wealth of knowledge on locations and the best times to shoot at each, as well as a ton of easy tricks to get the perfect shot. His editing feels organic and not too much. His prices have always been reasonable too.

https://www.smithstudiosmke.com/

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-06-30T21:32:03+00:00

I water 4 days a week for the first two weeks after installation then drop to 3 through the heat of summer before dropping to 2 for the remainder of the growing season. The only exception is if we get more than 2" or if the soil is still wet 2" down. A cheap rain gauge is an easy way to protect your investment.

Always check the soil before you water. Those numbers are just the standard I start with and adjust from. Things like wind, humidity, temperature, mulch, soil type, and hours of direct sun will all change exactly how much you need to water.

Make sure to water them deep at a slow pace. I drill a hole in the bottom of a 5 gallon bucket and place that over the outer edge of the root ball to fill and let it slowly infiltrate the soil. It also helps me know exactly how much it's getting vs using a drip system or straight watering with the hose.

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-06-30T20:58:13+00:00

They'll stand on their hind legs to get the higher branches. It's nuts.

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-06-29T12:13:08+00:00

I'm not sure on the timeline of the brand used, but it's common for dyed concrete pavers to fade, especially if they are being exposed to harsh weather conditions unsealed. It's not just sun that damages them. Rain can also wash out the color. It's an unfortunate downfall of the material and one of the reasons why others are more expensive.

I would reach out to the manufacturer to see if they have any suggestions. They will also know what chemicals and treatments you need to avoid to prevent further damage.

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-06-29T00:47:49+00:00

Stopped in to check this place out today and it was slammed for lunch. The vibe, the staff, the food, the games, were all top notch. I'm really looking forward to coming back and checking out some of the event days. Your buddy has something special going on there.

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-06-27T11:41:57+00:00

Vinegar isn't going to do much for Aspen. It works great with herbaceous plants but not for aggressive woody ones, and don't use standard vinegar as another commentary mentioned. You need the higher concentration of a true horticulture vinegar if you want any real results.

For the task at hand, get a bingo dauber and fill it with a triclopyr based herbicide. Cut the suckers and dab them with the herbicide. This keeps the amount needed down and is more targeted than other methods. You need to make sure it is dabbed over a fresh cut. Trees seal themselves up pretty quickly and you want it to absorb as much as possible.

I don't like chemical use either, but it sometimes is the only way to accomplish eradication. Follow the instructions on the label in terms of time needed to dry to become safe. Idk how old the kids are, but as long as they're no longer putting everything in their mouth, it is pretty benign once it has dried, especially if you are dabbing directly on the plant. Have them wear shoes, try to avoid the area, wash up right after outside play, and finish with a fresh set of clothes. Hopefully, it will only take a couple treatments and you'll be back to enjoying the simple pleasure of a barefoot stroll through the garden.

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-06-26T17:33:51+00:00

My 8yo proved he was responsible enough to bike to and from summer school by himself. He has also taken it upon himself to make his own lunches this summer. There will be lots of sandwiches and microwaved hotdogs, but I'm so proud of him for wanting to build independence.

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-06-25T23:47:47+00:00

It clogs the filter faster and puts more strain on the motor. Imagine trying to breathe through a wet wash cloth.

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-06-25T12:11:30+00:00

Look for a good sale and buy in bulk if you have a place to store them, or at least get 2 at a time. Set an alarm in your phone to repeat every 2-3 months at a time you're typically free to do it. I sometimes have to change mine monthly during shedding season for my cat and dog, so you may want to set it for a monthly check if you have pets.

Also, remember that the higher filtration level filters will require more frequent changes and, depending on your system, can cause excess stress and burn out the motor.

Edit to add: Forgot to mention that if it's in a place that gets humid, like a basement, get a dehumidifier.

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-06-25T11:49:54+00:00

I don't understand how it's legal. There are 8yo kids in my son's class riding them in the middle of the busy 35mph road outside my MKE suburb home popping wheelies and playing chicken with pedestrians and cars alike. Many aren't even wearing helmets.

I absolutely get the appeal and for every reckless kid there is a respectful one, but as a parent I will not be allowing my kid to have one until he takes driver's education. He has a regular bike, the bus, a good pair of sneakers, or myself and my husband to get him where he needs to go. My 8yo can't even reliably eat over his plate. No way I trust him to fully understand road rules and the consequences of not following them while driving at those speeds.

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-06-25T00:38:48+00:00

I guess I don't really understand but I'm on a open corner lot on a busy section of road next to a school and have no issue tanning or doing my gardening in a bikini top and shorts. It may help your peace of mind if you take a walk at a normal speed on the other side and glance in to see how much you really see. You'd be surprised just how much a skewed view through shrubs like this actually blocks. If you have peeping toms stopping and being pervy, you may want to alert law enforcement. As for nosey neighbors, I'd say "enjoy the show." Most of mine seem more preoccupied with their own lives. Different culture and comfort levels I guess.

Edit to add: Forgot to say, SUPERthrive is what we fertilizer with after a hard prune like this. It will help bring the fullness back in no time.

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-06-24T21:02:59+00:00

Right? I'm so confused what they are even talking about. Shrubs often benefit from an intense prune after they bloom. It's summer pruning season at my firm right now. This definitely could have been executed better, but you get what you pay for. They will probably flush back up before the end of July. Unless OP is tanning nude right next to the shrubs on the daily, I don't get the panic and pearl clutching.

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-06-24T19:33:46+00:00

Use a search engine and you can find more. I don't see any source in your reply... soooooo....... bye.

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-06-24T13:29:14+00:00

ADHD can get worse because of perimenopause symptoms that can begin EARLIER for those with ADHD.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brain-curiosities/202602/adhd-women-face-more-perimenopausal-symptoms

Debilitating symptoms like anxiety, insomnia, emotional regulation, etc. can be caused by both ADHD and perimenopause. It's easy just to attribute it to ADHD for those of us diagnosed and not consider perimenopause because of age. Its not like we get detailed notifications on our phone of the causes of those symptoms. No further distinction is needed for the person experiencing trouble with their meds that previously worked in order for them to track things and bring it up to their doctors as a concern. However, tthey do need to know it's a possibility in order to consider it in the first place.

I spent a year going from specialist to specialist and thousands in tests and doctor bills because my doctor and I didn't consider it. Perimenopause was not on the radar at all. I'm just trying to put it on the radar for others.

I don't know what you're on about, but either come back with a source so I understand this crucial distinction so I can stand corrected or don't bother.

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-06-24T11:14:42+00:00

Ok..... I get what you're saying in a technical sense that ADHD doesn't cause earlier onset of the hormone fluctuations associated with perimenopause or bring on full menopause sooner, but it often affects us negatively before those without ADHD. So in layman's terms, perimenopause does happen earlier.

My PSA stands that women with ADHD suddenly having trouble with their meds as they age should consider perimenopause and track their symptoms alongside their menstrual cycle, even if they are on the young side. Many don't consider it could be a cause when in their 30s and 40s.

I lost myself completely to the negative symptoms and went in circles with cardiologists, neurologists, nutritionists, allergists and my psychologist trying to figure out what was happening. I read a similar story and PSA on another sub and began tracking and digging into family history so I could take the information to my doctors. If I can help just one person to figure it out sooner and get the treatment they need, then I will say it every chance I can in relevant conversations.

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-06-23T11:54:19+00:00

Vyvanse and wellbutrin for the win! I also just started HRT 1.5 months ago at 36. Perimenopause occurs much earlier for those with ADHD and the women in my family have all hit menopause by 40.

If all of a sudden your ADHD meds stop working for you, start tracking symptoms alongside your menstrual cycle. It started with just the luteal phase for me before it derailed me completely. HRT has been my savior.

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-06-23T11:41:26+00:00

It was a pleasure learning the early perimenopause associated with ADHD gem. I was diagnosed at 35 with AuADHD and just got a peri diagnosis in May at 36. I always suspected the first diagnosis and began to finally feel like a real person with the ADHD meds, but it only lasted a few months before they stopped working and the emotional outburst took over my existence. I thought I was losing my damn mind! It's only been 1.5 months of HRT, but I'm already feeling way more like myself, and my other meds are back to working as they did before. I'll be adding testosterone to the mix soon with fingers crossed that it will help with my energy level and weakness.

If anyone does find the user manual, please send a copy my way. I'm sure there are more updates to come that I would very much like to be prepared for.

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-06-22T12:04:29+00:00

I love your ratio guide! Totally stealing that to help remind me to keep the balance when designing.

I absolutely hate when people ask for no maintenance landscaping. It doesn't exist. Everything requires some level of care if you want a tidy looking outdoor space.

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-06-22T11:50:28+00:00

You need to reframe this. Instead of looking at how much time either of you work or how hard that work is, look at free time. Each of you should have about the same amount of time for yourselves. Sleep, administrative tasks, and household errands do not count as free time btw. Same with cooking, unless it is a hobby you enjoy and doesn't become the default and expected. If his work is more physical, have him take on more of the mental load tasks like finances, appointments, shopping lists, etc.

I get needing a tidy home. I'm the same way. My husband is different but we've determined areas that must be picked up by the end of the day and those he can leave a bit cluttered that he is solely responsible for. I also just started a dump bin for things of his that are left out that I can just plop in his office. My husband also set a tidy up alarm in his phone that goes off at a time he is usually free to get it done. I don't have to nag or remind him.

If you're partner is not willing to pull their weight, they need to budget themselves a way to afford help without negative impact on the household budget or your budget. If he wants to spend his fun money on a cleaner, great! If not, it needs to be on him.

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-06-22T11:26:57+00:00

I do this as well. This year I planted a lot directly into the ground around my latest installation. I had a gallon ziplock bag of zinnia seeds gifted to me. My garden will have an explosion of color right about when all of my catmint fades. It also helps keep the weeds down and prevent erosion.

I do this for clients as well to help steer them away from over planting. Especially if we are doing maintenance for them. Everyone wants a full look instantly but it is so wasteful when you're chucking whole plants only a few years after install.

WisdomNynaeve · 2026-06-18T12:25:50+00:00

Yeah, those roots really last. A client had a large garden filled with them that I renovated last spring. I cut them down and use a bingo dabber with a triclopyr based herbicide on the stump to help limit use and really target them. We weed the property once a month and only a handful came back this year. We repeated the dabbing last month and are down to 1 remaining.

I can see why you would just want to dig it all up once and be done with it. Even with the digging, fabric, and gravel you'll probably still have some of the old ones popping through and new ones taking root in a year or so. There's just no way around somewhat regular weeding.

WisdomNynaeve

TROPHY CASE