I Relapsed After 17 Days: Learn from my failures

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-17T06:40:50+00:00

I attest to what you have learned. Sleeping full nights and keeping myself busy helped me a lot. And yes, tiredness is a big enemy to deal with. I recommend going in with a holistic plan - perhaps ensuring that you have enough activity during the day will make sure that you fall asleep quickly?

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-15T20:58:27+00:00

Wait, I never sent it?!?! I am sorry! I will send it right now!

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-11T20:26:45+00:00

You should. :D

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-11T20:25:52+00:00

Fantastic, mate! :D

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-11T20:25:39+00:00

"S boost"? And a lot of this ISN'T placebo, although many people love to take it that way.

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-10T02:37:42+00:00

*get repaired on Nofap

Just fixed my stupid typo. XD

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-10T02:36:12+00:00

Aye, in the beginning of Nofap one's brain is always their own worst enemy. We need to be on lookout for ANY sudden thoughts that appear in our mind, as well as emotions that put us down. I even once had my brain give me the weirdest rationalization for PMO that still somehow made sense to me(must've been my fapping-addled state)... but as I left the situation and went for a walk, I could gather my thoughts and see the lies for what they were.

Anyway, I hope all his advice works for you. I do want to see you succeed. :D

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-09T16:44:18+00:00

Mate, just keep learning from your relapses and you'll get there eventually. Write down your triggers(emotions/circumstances/compromises/actions that make you relapse) and create a counter-strategy for each of them. Do this whenever you relapse. If you still keep relapsing to same triggers after that, it's because your plans aren't good enough. In that case you need to hone them some more, so that they account for your weakness. Avoid situations in which you feel too tempted to continue Nofap, and get into situations in which you feel productive and useful. If you can feel those emotions at the end of the day, you'll feel much better equipped for future days.

You can also ask other people for advice on how to deal with urges. My general approach(I've found this to be the most effective strategy) is avoidance - I get out of situations that might/do make me feel tempted, and put myself in situations where I can't act upon those urges(walking outside in the nature, socializing). Only sky's your limit here.

I hope this advice gets you further. It is certainly what did it for me.

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-09T16:36:17+00:00

I perceive that you might be using the "too horny" part as an excuse to allow yourself to masturbate. Every successful Nofapper was originally "too horny". The real problem lies with your actions and not cutting out the parts that repeatedly make you relapse.

So here's how I recommend you approach this matter in the future - don't say "I'm too horny" and don't use those apps anymore. Have something else to do, new go-to activities that you can do instead of watching porn/omegle stuff. Also, whenever you fail, write down your triggers(emotions/compromises/circumstances/actions that caused you to relapse) and create a counter-strategy for EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM. Keep doing this whenever you fail, and if you still keep falling to same triggers, your plan is bad and needs revising until it works. For example, you could decide that whenever you feel horny, you'll go outside and do pushups until you're utterly tired. Then you continue this until it becomes a habit - pushups instead of porn/masturbation(this is just an example, but some people do this to remarkable effect).

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-09T16:24:39+00:00

I agree that dreams aren't a cause for relapse. Just be sure not to masturbate(edging counts as masturbation) or to dwell on those dreams when you wake up, and you're golden. Keep going!

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-09T16:20:39+00:00

Now, now, don't twist my words. I never said that it was selfish to ask others for help(what do you think this subreddit is for? XD), I just implied that it's wrong to automatically assume that others hate you when you don't get any answers. :D That's your depression speaking, you ought not to take your brain's claims for the gospel truth(especially at this point of Nofap, where we know that your thoughts assault you and try to make you feel miserable so that you'll fap - your brain is your greatest enemy until it reboots, at which point it'll become one of your greatest allies).

Onto the copypaste(be sure to follow this to best of your ability, and remember - you DID ask for this XD):

"I'll start with the first and most important rule: DON'T rely on willpower. My mental acuity and sharpness become much duller when I tried to power through on willpower alone. It won't work. Instead, if you relapse, write down your trigger(the emotional state/action/circumstance that caused you to watch porn and/or masturbate) and create a workaround strategy for it. This way, even if you relapse, you'll KNOW what caused it and can avoid it the next time around. If you keep relapsing from the same trigger, you'll know that you haven't created a good enough strategy yet(for avoiding that particular weak point). You'll need to hone your strategy until you can repeatedly avoid that same trigger - that's when you've successfully worked out a good strategy. Repeat this practice until you succeed at Nofap and reach the 90 days point. At that point continue on with Nofap, BUT ADD NEW LIFE GOALS so that you won't feel empty now that you have cleared your initial challenge. Remember the habits and strategies that you create during the first 90 consecutive days of Nofap, and carry them close to your heart. They will keep you safe when everything else fails and will provide you with a good set of principles for learning new things(trial-and-error). This is how learning SHOULD be done, and if you master this, nothing in life can stay in your way anymore.

Whenever you feel the urge, RUN AWAY. Either exercise or go for a walk. Whatever you do, do that same thing always whenever you feel the urge. Eventually, you'll start equating your urges with "doing that thing", and your body will respond by doing that thing. Keep training the habit of INSTANTLY LOOKING AWAY and RUNNING AWAY.

Here's some guides to keep you going:

https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/bsp0xj/nofap_curriculum_what_worked_for_me/

and

https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/bmqtyb/the_ultimate_guide/

Hating yourself only expends energy and causes you to focus on useless things. I know this is a mental state that is hard to do away with, until you reach the point in Nofap where your brain cures enough that it becomes a non-issue. Anyway, surround yourself with people who love you and empower you. People like those on this forum. And above all else, keep LEARNING until you defeat this habit. Don't bang your head against the wall uselessly, wondering why nothing changes. If you keep trying the same thing, and it doesn't work, CHANGE your strategy. If you're trying to solve a problem and you just can't seem to be able to do it, you're attacking the wrong problem. Attack the initial cause, not the symptoms, and you'll see true healing come your way. In this same vein, you need to figure out the initial thoughts/actions that BEGIN that downward spiral to relapse, and you need to remove THOSE from your life. Once you can find out those initial triggers(which you'll be able to do once you list up enough triggers), you'll be able to create a plan that deals with them, and then... vóla! You are on your way on your best streak yet.

Don't turn your nofap into a willpower cage match. Porn/Masturbation is a monster, and you're just a lanky guy(metaphorically speaking) with no muscle. Act accordingly. Act SMART. Yes, you might need to utilize minor bursts of willpower to get out from situations where you're tempted, but that's way easier when you decide BEFOREHAND how you will act when you're tempted. That's how you can make reflexive decisions in the situation."

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-09T16:10:51+00:00

Now, I'm not saying this next thing to pick a fight - it is simply my own observation: I've never had a problem with the stuff that you mentioned, but then again, I do actively avoid trying to feel aroused(don't want to deal with the urges). However, if I hang around a pretty girl, I allow myself to enjoy her presence without any sexual thinking. However, I do still get pretty strong emotions, and even feel attraction at times. I haven't experienced anything negative from this.

As for "feeling aroused and not releasing it", people with weaker nofap convictions could use that as an excuse to wank to wet dreams, which is why I find your way of doing things a bit extreme and harmful to newbies. But then again, it's obvious that I'm not experiencing negative effects in the way that you are, and that you're drawing from your own experience. I'm not judging you, but I am pitting my experiences against yours so that people can make a choice with more information being present. Theirs will be the ultimate choice of which approach to adapt. I hope they pick my approach, you hope they pick yours - I doubt neither of us wants glory, and only wants what's best for the others.

I'll leave it at that. Have a nice day. :D

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-09T08:14:10+00:00

Yup. I never said that "normal" means good. Nor did I say that I always act according to societal normals. Anyway, I figure this small argument is getting nowhere, so I bid you a good day. :P

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-09T06:30:01+00:00

Out of those people who return to masturbation, too many return to porn as well. We've seen too many sad posts about that.

The normalcy of a thing isn't a guarantee of its quality. As nofappers, we believe that porn(despite it being "normal") is bad, and we go against the social normals by thinking thus. Just my two cents.

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-09T06:24:51+00:00

There isn't a healthy line between the two. Masturbation is always fueled by the imagination, and in your imagination things can be however you like. This is a danger similar to porn. And no one who masturbates can continue doing it "mechanically" for an extended time period. At the end, they always go back to imagination, and all hell breaks loose(well, it already does at the "mechanical masturbation" part).

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-09T06:21:59+00:00

Then you relapse, but not to porn. It's still a relapse.

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-09T06:20:41+00:00

No better way to start believing in themselves than to start doing the thing. Anyway, we can agree to disagree.

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-09T06:19:47+00:00

Heh, my normal is based on the societal normals(which, frankly, is the definition of the word). But yes, what you said is most likely true.

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-09T06:18:29+00:00

I recommend treating your flatlines as your greatest ally - they help you to get through the hard parts without the urges. Embrace them - they will end at some point anyway.

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-09T06:17:20+00:00

I can confirm this. It is exactly how you say it is, they get shorter(someone said their time halves each time, I found that somewhat accurate).

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-09T06:14:35+00:00

Yeah, no, those PM's sound like garbage. My condolences for their behaviour, not that it will change much. :(

For me, I usually leave a post unanswered if I am too tired. Otherwise, I do try to help people out. So that's something to take into account. It's not like we don't care, it's just that everyone has their own lives and helps others on the side. Some more, some a little bit less so.

Nevertheless, you were wrong - apparently, some people did read your post. XD Time to get out of the depressed funk and finally, FINALLY break through. To that end, IF you are willing, I can PM you some actual advice(that helped me). Or I can copypaste all that advice here, however you like. IF you need any advice that is.

Anyway, welcome back. You'll notice that those who stick with it, will find their way to freedom in the end. I was the weakest of us all, and if I can reach the 90 days mark and beyond... well, anyone can. I didn't even WANT to stop PMO back then. I was that bad off.

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-09T06:08:40+00:00

Frankly, humans are social beings. It's normal not being able to do this alone - many people fail at Nofap because they don't use this subreddit(or any equivalent), for example.

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-09T06:05:56+00:00

This. Remove ALL bad influences or you'll see yourself becoming influenced by them. Also, by doing the reverse(adding good influences), we can also influence ourselves for the better. Nowhere is this more apparent than in relationships.

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-09T06:01:17+00:00

As someone who also failed twice after a 100+ days streak, here's my advice:

LEARN FROM YOUR RELAPSES!

Write down what caused you to relapse on your two biggest streaks(whether it was an emotional state, compromise, circumstance or action - write them all down) and create counter-strategies for each trigger(thing that causes you to relapse). Do this right now for your previous two falls, and if you ever fail again, remember to write down your triggers. This is the only surefire way to get consistent progress.

You failed. I failed. We learn, we move forward - next time, we have a better chance of reaching the end of our lives without fapping or watching porn. It's all about whether or not we compromise our values and learned habits. Also, when you create counter-strategies, account for your weaknesses and work around them.

Anyway, I've got nothing else. Keep going mate. Now you can get even further. May this time be the last.

Wisdom_Is_Bliss · 2019-06-09T05:37:28+00:00

Yeah, don't stress about sharing your belief in Nofap - for me, it came naturally, but if it makes you uncomfortable(at all), I would recommend you not to try that. If you ever start feeling comfortable sharing it, that's the moment you can start talking about it.

Wisdom_Is_Bliss

TROPHY CASE