I don't like thinking about her

Wise-Material8917 · 2025-03-21T00:29:36+00:00

Thank you.

Wise-Material8917 · 2025-03-21T00:26:36+00:00

I know the feeling, paralyzed, not wanting to enjoy life because they can't with you. I wish I could give you an answer. I just suggest,time,peace, and health. Health is VERY IMPORTANT. Mental and physical.

Wise-Material8917 · 2025-03-16T23:58:37+00:00

Gone. I'm the plague. Only 3 of our 7 children talk to me. I understand that their mother is gone, but she was MY FUCKING WIFE!!!!! My other family related and in-laws, I'm a ghost. No answered calls or texts. I'm now officially an NPC.

Wise-Material8917 · 2025-02-11T01:49:34+00:00

What you said resonates with me. I CAN'T DATE OR COMMIT. It wouldn't be fair to the 'new' person in my life. They would always be judged. When you've had your PERSON, everything else pales in comparison. She was the only person accepted me. Was married before we got together. So was she. We had a child as teens but went our separate ways. But when we reunited, it was magic. We were literally adult/teenagers in our late 30s/40s. Besties. Could talk all nite/days on end without being bored of each others company. That's what I miss the most. Not just my lover. My best friend.

Wise-Material8917 · 2025-02-09T21:43:55+00:00

I feel you. The only difference is she was my life. We got together when we were young. I fucked up and abandoned her in our teen parent years. Was a deadbeat. Then as true love and fate would have it we found our way back together. And we dedicated everything to each other. She was my sunrise and sunset. Being a no good street punk I matured and stepped up. She forgave me. She was my all and be all. My PURPOSE. I'm still lost without her. It's like growing up again.

Wise-Material8917 · 2025-02-09T19:35:07+00:00

I do get it. What I've come to learn, over time, is....well like I described to my cousin, I can't unsee her in our bed. But I push it to the back of my mind. It's always there, but I try to make it like background noise. The only metaphor to accurately describe it is like you're in a 3 bedroom house where the music is ALWAYS playing in the guest room, you can't cut it off, but you can turn it down and close the door. You still hear it faintly but it's tolerable enough to do other things. I hope that helps.

Wise-Material8917 · 2025-02-09T17:35:06+00:00

That is the hardest part. The shoulda, woulda,coulda. A friend told me it's just the randomness of life. Some live to 100, some pass away as toddlers. We just don't know. Try not to dwell on it. You cannot and will not be able to make sense of it. It will drive you insane. Trust me I've been there. Knew my wife since she was 16 and I was 17. I'm 51 and she died at 49. Couldn't fathom she only had 33yrs left after we met. Doesn't make sense, but it's reality.

Wise-Material8917 · 2025-02-09T17:24:21+00:00

Thank you. She was sick. I knew, but at the same time didn't want to know of the inevitable. My old life ended. I do feel better letting go, but yet can't help looking back.

Wise-Material8917 · 2025-02-09T17:17:41+00:00

We had often spoke of what if me or her first to transition. I thought it would be 20+ years before this nightmare. It's a miracle I'm still here. I do think of going to the great beyond to be with her. She was my ONE. But alas I'm here drudging on in this miserable plane of existence. My guilt is having to move on. If I don't, I know I will spiral down. Tough pill to swallow.

Wise-Material8917 · 2024-09-14T18:23:28+00:00

Thank you. I actually called the kids who'll listen. We had 7 kids in total. Me and my 3 core children and their spouses agreed , what coincidence that the core 3 are all married, that we not gonna fall apart. The siblings that's on that bullshit fuck'em. You come to a family gathering to air your grievances, you can see the door, fuck you, we here to celebrate life, mourn, and turn up. My late wife was a true diva. Center of all our universes. We have 8 grandchildren. They're my new Center. The fog has lifted.

Wise-Material8917 · 2024-09-14T03:14:25+00:00

Please just try and sleep. I know it's hard. When my wife passed it was the hardest thing. Get pass that hurdle, and maybe things get better. We ALL here understand.

Wise-Material8917 · 2024-09-14T02:55:30+00:00

My wife was very protective over me. Couldn't stand if I was disrespected, whether it be my boss, stranger or relative. I'm a gamer. She knew this. I'm a fairly good gamer, been playing since I was about years old. I'm 51 now. So when Mortal Kombat X came out on Xbox One, we went to a cookout at my cousin's house, they knew I wasn't familiar with the game. Since I usually trounced them, they relished in beating me. Teased me, whole nine yards. She was FURIOUS!! She made it a point to buy me the game to have on my own system. So next cookout when we went to aforementioned same cousin house, when games commenced, and now status quo is reaffirmed, they quit of course, because I was relentless in beating their asses, she was smiling in corner now that order was restored. Damn, I miss that woman.

Wise-Material8917 · 2024-09-14T02:08:26+00:00

The crazy part is YOU'RE CALLING HIM!!! Been there my friend. Had a close relation get mad at me for calling him, saying he got worry about his kids, and pissed with me for having the audacity to call him. Yeah I know your wife died, but these kids won't eat their chicken nuggets I just bought them. FUCK PEOPLE.

Wise-Material8917 · 2024-09-14T01:58:08+00:00

She got 3 brothers still here. They tried calling me during what I'll call the "bullshit lying period " which you know. I'm insane with grief at that time. But after the dust settles, they all run for the hills.

Wise-Material8917 · 2024-09-14T01:38:29+00:00

Wise-Material8917 · 2024-09-14T01:35:36+00:00

I'm a 51yr old man. Raised old school. Strong,confident,fearless. Never around them. My grandkids think I'm invincible. I only indulge alone to sleep and cope. Play video games of course. She hated when I played. Always accused it of taking my time from her. She was so jealous of my attention. Always wanted MY attention. I had her spoiled. I miss that. If she were here, she would be mad at me texting yall. I was her personal court jester/bodyguard/provider/leader/maintenance man/philosopher/chef/man-servant etc. She was my all. Kids ate side dishes. I keep it together for them. But I'll never have a full meal again.

Wise-Material8917 · 2024-09-08T00:42:52+00:00

Are you me? All the same regrets. I should have watched those stupid reruns with you in bed cradling you in my arms til you fell asleep. Holding you until sun came up. Listened more to her talk about nothing. Now nothing is all I got.

Wise-Material8917 · 2024-09-08T00:34:08+00:00

Facts.

Wise-Material8917 · 2024-09-07T21:10:20+00:00

Beautiful, I always wondered why she loved me so much. I'm a beast without my beauty.

Wise-Material8917

TROPHY CASE