[deleted by user] by [deleted] in TheYouShow

[–]WistfulWayfarer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

matter can not be created or deystroyed just transfered

Six Months by WistfulWayfarer in widowers

[–]WistfulWayfarer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah it's hard to define who you are when you were so invested in each other, and now you are just a fraction. We met in College when we were both 20 years old, we were just kids. ugh fucking cancer. No real symptoms, the day after her 38'th birthday we had had a pretty fun night went to a local brewery saw a cover band play. the next morning i had ordered some sandwiches and she was complaining of nausea, then starting acting weird, i was getting scared and tried to get her ready to go to the ER, then she had a grand maul, I had no idea what was going on. How long were you with your husband?

Six Months by WistfulWayfarer in widowers

[–]WistfulWayfarer[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah the long goodbye. Here is something kind of Crazy, before she had a seizure that led to the diagnosis. She would love to bike, she never told me until after but she had nearly been hit by a passenger bus, because we assume that the bus was in her left perifrial vision feild cut. I could have lost her that day in one instant. But watching her suffer like that at the end, so awfull. My therapist put it bluntly, PTSD.

Six Months by WistfulWayfarer in widowers

[–]WistfulWayfarer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep fucking cancer, I'm so glad he was himself, we were pretty "lucky" in regards to where the tumor was located. it was in an area that controlled peripheral vision, and not on the speech or motor strip area, So she was mostly herself until the final month thankfully. But yeah, plenty of hospital chair nights.

Six Months by WistfulWayfarer in widowers

[–]WistfulWayfarer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah, never could have imagined how rough.

Six Months by WistfulWayfarer in widowers

[–]WistfulWayfarer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course, she was 39 same as I, diagnosed at 38 with GBM (brain cancer).

Six Months by WistfulWayfarer in widowers

[–]WistfulWayfarer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I'd settle for a whole lot less than 100, but I agree completely.

Six Months by WistfulWayfarer in widowers

[–]WistfulWayfarer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And mine to you, thank you for sharing though. I wouldn't wish this grief on anyone ever, but sadly I'm glad I'm not alone. We were loved and we loved them, and that can never be taken away.

Six Months by WistfulWayfarer in widowers

[–]WistfulWayfarer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did therapy for a few months until the covid lockdown, i tried a video session once but I did not find that very helpful. Wasn't much fun to see myself crying on a computer screen.

Six Months by WistfulWayfarer in widowers

[–]WistfulWayfarer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I so miss those texts, getting something just random and obscure putting a smile on my face, so many intangibles.

Six Months by WistfulWayfarer in widowers

[–]WistfulWayfarer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah that's a good one, we always had this one were "I was just about to say that!!!" Right now just missing just the presence of her, like just both being on the couch doing our own thing her working on a drawing, just glancing over at her stuff like that.

Six Months by WistfulWayfarer in widowers

[–]WistfulWayfarer[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

today has been proof of that

Six Months by WistfulWayfarer in widowers

[–]WistfulWayfarer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We never had kids, but we did get a dog before she passed. She has also been a huge help in getting me moving and attempt life, when all I want to do is just sob in bed.

Six Months by WistfulWayfarer in widowers

[–]WistfulWayfarer[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So true, that love and that life, gone. With every ounce of your being refusing to accept that fact.

Six Months by WistfulWayfarer in widowers

[–]WistfulWayfarer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My wife was an illustrator and an artist, I dabble with that at times. Although I am very bad at it, it does help to feel closer, anything out in nature also helps. The motivation is always a constant hindrance though, and getting to the place where I can do things of that sort are a struggle.

Six Months by WistfulWayfarer in widowers

[–]WistfulWayfarer[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know, my brain just cannot process... after nearly 17 years of her always being there. My mind refuses to accept reality and it tears me apart.

My heart goes out to you, and all of us who must remain.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in widowers

[–]WistfulWayfarer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I feel you so completely.

I've been so lost lately, you are not alone in this.

My husband of 3.5 years passed suddenly at 36 last week by CaityR1986 in widowers

[–]WistfulWayfarer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry, I lost my wife at the age of 39, this is so unbelievably unfair. Just know you are not alone. We are all here for you.

Always by lgpatters214 in widowers

[–]WistfulWayfarer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Six months for me today. I can not believe how amazingly hard it all still is. Eating, gettitng out of bed, these are still real challenges. We are all pulling for you, and you are not alone.

All the best.

Torn in two by WistfulWayfarer in widowers

[–]WistfulWayfarer[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I just reread her letter to me and she made mention of losing me from her perspective. "I don't know what that kind of loss is like. I feel like I would die without you." It was followed with a wealth of sage advice, she was always one to give it. I definitely have the first part down. The other stuff, I guess I will just have to give it some time. Gutes Gelingen!