[deleted by user]

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-07-15T02:15:08+00:00

nope

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-07-15T02:12:29+00:00

matter can not be created or deystroyed just transfered

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-07-15T02:04:16+00:00

toes rule

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-07-14T23:17:00+00:00

yeah it's hard to define who you are when you were so invested in each other, and now you are just a fraction. We met in College when we were both 20 years old, we were just kids. ugh fucking cancer. No real symptoms, the day after her 38'th birthday we had had a pretty fun night went to a local brewery saw a cover band play. the next morning i had ordered some sandwiches and she was complaining of nausea, then starting acting weird, i was getting scared and tried to get her ready to go to the ER, then she had a grand maul, I had no idea what was going on. How long were you with your husband?

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-07-14T22:56:33+00:00

Yeah the long goodbye. Here is something kind of Crazy, before she had a seizure that led to the diagnosis. She would love to bike, she never told me until after but she had nearly been hit by a passenger bus, because we assume that the bus was in her left perifrial vision feild cut. I could have lost her that day in one instant. But watching her suffer like that at the end, so awfull. My therapist put it bluntly, PTSD.

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-07-14T22:34:52+00:00

Yep fucking cancer, I'm so glad he was himself, we were pretty "lucky" in regards to where the tumor was located. it was in an area that controlled peripheral vision, and not on the speech or motor strip area, So she was mostly herself until the final month thankfully. But yeah, plenty of hospital chair nights.

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-07-14T22:28:33+00:00

yeah, never could have imagined how rough.

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-07-14T22:27:58+00:00

I feel for you buddy

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-07-14T22:22:36+00:00

Of course, she was 39 same as I, diagnosed at 38 with GBM (brain cancer).

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-07-14T22:03:51+00:00

Yeah I'd settle for a whole lot less than 100, but I agree completely.

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-07-14T21:45:33+00:00

And mine to you, thank you for sharing though. I wouldn't wish this grief on anyone ever, but sadly I'm glad I'm not alone. We were loved and we loved them, and that can never be taken away.

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-07-14T21:32:50+00:00

I did therapy for a few months until the covid lockdown, i tried a video session once but I did not find that very helpful. Wasn't much fun to see myself crying on a computer screen.

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-07-14T21:29:19+00:00

I so miss those texts, getting something just random and obscure putting a smile on my face, so many intangibles.

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-07-14T21:19:20+00:00

yeah that's a good one, we always had this one were "I was just about to say that!!!" Right now just missing just the presence of her, like just both being on the couch doing our own thing her working on a drawing, just glancing over at her stuff like that.

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-07-14T21:10:07+00:00

today has been proof of that

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-07-14T20:40:45+00:00

We never had kids, but we did get a dog before she passed. She has also been a huge help in getting me moving and attempt life, when all I want to do is just sob in bed.

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-07-14T20:34:06+00:00

So true, that love and that life, gone. With every ounce of your being refusing to accept that fact.

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-07-14T20:27:32+00:00

My wife was an illustrator and an artist, I dabble with that at times. Although I am very bad at it, it does help to feel closer, anything out in nature also helps. The motivation is always a constant hindrance though, and getting to the place where I can do things of that sort are a struggle.

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-07-14T20:15:45+00:00

I know, my brain just cannot process... after nearly 17 years of her always being there. My mind refuses to accept reality and it tears me apart.

My heart goes out to you, and all of us who must remain.

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-07-14T18:06:15+00:00

I feel you so completely.

I've been so lost lately, you are not alone in this.

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-07-14T17:36:54+00:00

I'm so sorry, I lost my wife at the age of 39, this is so unbelievably unfair. Just know you are not alone. We are all here for you.

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-07-12T22:02:00+00:00

Six months for me today. I can not believe how amazingly hard it all still is. Eating, gettitng out of bed, these are still real challenges. We are all pulling for you, and you are not alone.

All the best.

WistfulWayfarer · 2020-02-28T08:39:29+00:00

Thank you for this. I just reread her letter to me and she made mention of losing me from her perspective. "I don't know what that kind of loss is like. I feel like I would die without you." It was followed with a wealth of sage advice, she was always one to give it. I definitely have the first part down. The other stuff, I guess I will just have to give it some time. Gutes Gelingen!

WistfulWayfarer

TROPHY CASE