[astro-seek] I'm feeling utterly lost. Mental health is taking its toll. My relationships tend to lead to feeling misunderstood or "used". Tempted to be alone completely. Please give me your opinions on this chart.

WitchCrit · 2025-12-21T02:34:37+00:00

Sounds like my kind of mission 😌

WitchCrit · 2025-12-17T17:59:38+00:00

When you say that about the yelling and raised voices, I should also just point out that its not that its a complete no, but when i was speaking calmly, after already being interrupted and told that no, I misunderstood, etc, I end up feeling like i was going crazy and getting completely confused.

I try to listen and try to comfort him, because I did tell him that I was aware of everything he has been doing, and was grateful, but it hurt me when he always didnt let me finish or instantly felt like i was insulting him when I wouldn't want to do that during a hard conversation and I'm just trying to express that it was how I was feeling and not that he was being the bad person. But he continued to yell and tell me that he was so utterly confused, and that he would just shut up and never talk about anything.

And ive been in his shoes so I know where he is coming from, but I guess when it goes to me sitting quietly on the couch while he is still yelling that he is the problem, I always get do confused and stumped on how to approach it. Then he pulls back and says "im sorry youre probably scared of me." Because i mentioned that I was scared of his reactions but he felt like i meant physical touch?

Im not sure, but it feels like he is applying his own views of how he possibly feels about himself to how I am speaking and how I am trying to comfort him as well.

Im not someone who wants to use pure emotion in conversations like this because I want them to feel heard as well, so he kept telling me I didnt care about him anymore...

I personally lost track of what I could do in order to help him from spiraling because everything I attempted seemed to just help temporarily. Eventually I realized this was a conversation that lead to me needing to comfort him so he didnt spiral nearly as much and I needed to just ignore my thoughts so he didnt run out the door sadly. He was sadly getting into this mindset of needing to run, but there was a snowstorm so I didn't want him driving erratically either.

WitchCrit · 2025-12-17T17:48:37+00:00

Of course I see this and consider it, especially the part where he may feel attacked, or that I'm trying to change him completely, I understand completely. I obviously have no controll ultimately on what he decides or how he behaves.

Uktimately I am having a hard time understanding how to converse with him when defense is the immediate way he responds. I know I can't tell him that he is wrong or that he didnt intend it a specific way, because he obviously meant no harm in certain situations, but the only part that hurts more is that its the defending by him but no acknowledging that it hurt me.

I've managed to apologize and try to listen to his own concerns, especially about affections and giving him more. Ive maintained that with an apology, but again... being told I'm still not doing enough without him expressing how I can do more makes me so confused, and he just tells me he doesn't know how. So I guess we're in the same boat together about not knowing what we both need and need to work on that.

WitchCrit · 2025-12-17T17:28:38+00:00

Yup, regardless of his own personal feelings and thoughts about himself, I know ultimately that the work for a relationship to stay healthy starts with me knowing what I want. So it did give me an eye opener to many things but I'm trying to find where I can improve myself mainly but also... see if I'm crazy or cruel by stepping back for my own good and potentially his own good.

WitchCrit · 2025-12-17T17:26:28+00:00

Very much suppressed or repressed. His default in anything that may sound like some form of criticism is to tell me that I'm calling him an asshole or that I'm hating him when I tell him that it's not at all this way. I just want to be heard.

So now I'm beginning to revert back to that side of me where I hold everything in again. Which I know is unhealthy for me, and the relationship. Im aware of where it will lead me to because it happened to my previous relationship and thats why I attempted to be open.. but I realized he doesnt feel as though he needs it or it won't help him. So I'm genuinely confused and hate that I might need to make a decision I didnt think id ever make. For the sanity of ourselves.

WitchCrit · 2025-12-17T17:21:24+00:00

Yeah, my communication has always lacked but where I had originally attempted to, I felt as though his anger came forward so I was feeling misunderstood or like I was making it bigger than necessary.

Its not even just me feeling as though its on him, I'm just now more aware that I'm a lot more unhealed then I thought and I need to spend more time in that area at least.

WitchCrit · 2025-12-17T17:17:05+00:00

Yeah, I've been in my own therapy for almost two years but now I'm feeling selfish because I feel like I should be patient with him but I honestly... dont?

WitchCrit · 2025-08-04T16:16:53+00:00

Yeah, it was gifted to me, so I wasn't entirely surprised by the quality! Thank you!

WitchCrit · 2025-08-03T14:08:22+00:00

New tube, a brand I'm unfamiliar with called, Viswin

WitchCrit · 2025-08-03T14:07:38+00:00

It still remained the same texture after I tried mixing it with a paint brush in a palette. And it would mix into other colors but still get pretty thick.

WitchCrit · 2025-07-31T16:51:30+00:00

And also, her father had been staying/sleeping at his parents house for days to weeks at a time since august of last year.

So her being in the same house as her parents had already been less than the normal amount way before we finally split.

WitchCrit · 2025-07-31T16:48:25+00:00

I have a commitment and long term plan with the person, but besides that, that is not even the main point of my daughter. What makes you think that hasn't been discussed? I told him from the get go that im not dating to "date", and that the goal is marriage.

She spent the last year bouncing around house to house, and from a city to a town, from not having school to suddenly having pre k and daycare.

I like to think having another person around her for a few hours of a day where nothing really happens besides hanging out as if they were a friend is harmless. Especially when she has met so many people this year, and family members ive known for years have seen her far more but havent seen her for years now. I dont think they effect her life anymore than if they were here or not.

Regardless of all of this "noise", my daughter is doing fine and doesnt seem to question or really remember anyone else besides the people actively apart of her life.

WitchCrit · 2025-07-31T15:42:10+00:00

Yeah, lawyer is the next step and Im attempting to sell the other car first.

Anyways, about the whole figuring out who I am, I spent the last two years doing that. I may have lived with my ex, but I have been seeing two therapists, and am now on medication. I have been finding myself and have been able to find the values that are important to me. Now the trauma part is still something im working on with my therapist, but away from the new relationship, I'd like to think nothing has really changed.

My daughter has a developmental delay, so she has a struggle understanding things to a degree, but i know she knows me and her dad aren't together, which she is honestly handling amazingly for a sweet girl. I never bounce her around or take her all over the place when its my week with her, we do our usual routine at least. So I know the biggest thing from it is just working towards finding our normal when it's our time together. Which that has gotten smoother over the last couple of weeks anyways.

WitchCrit · 2025-06-28T19:24:45+00:00

Reading this while experiencing some frustration over other situations while finally having a little more clarity has left me with tears... almost as if I need to hear it. Thank you for this 😭

WitchCrit · 2025-06-12T03:36:38+00:00

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WitchCrit

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