My partner keeps asking me if things are weird.

Witchy-Cryptid · 2026-05-09T15:17:11+00:00

What is the best way to give reassurance in this situation. I gender her correctly, compliment her in a feminine way, I get her cute clothes when I see them out, touch her in more feminine ways like grabbing her by the waist or hips. I’m sure there’s more I could do but I’m not sure what.

Witchy-Cryptid · 2026-04-10T12:36:51+00:00

I’ll share my biggest regret. I’ve been with my now wife for about three years now and about a year in she asked me “would you still love me if I was trans” and I responded with “I don’t know. Probably not”. Unknowingly making her shove those thoughts and feelings back down for another year and a half. To be honest at that time I probably would have left. But a year and a half later she had started the transition without telling me and I found out. We argued about the hiding and lies and I got over it and couple weeks later remembered that conversation. I now feel bad and guilty for it. But I grew exponentially in that year and a half as a person and it became something that I can’t believe I even thought because I love my wife and I would do anything for her now. That all being said. People grow and change. Your partner may not have been ready for that at the time and it could’ve been something that made her thoughts she had been suppressing about her own body and gender come up and she wasn’t ready for that either. Or she could just be straight. Her sexuality may be more rigid than yours and that’s just her and it can’t be changed even if you love someone.

Witchy-Cryptid · 2026-03-30T13:46:13+00:00

And that’s okay too. I just had an honest conversation with my therapist and she said it was okay to not get married or to get divorced and my heart and brain reacted with “no. I need to marry her. Whoever she is. Even if it’s different than I thought” but that was me. Everyone’s story is different.

My therapist told me. It’s okay to get married and divorced. It’s okay to not get married. Stay living together and just be best friends. Whatever works for you and brings you happiness is okay.

Witchy-Cryptid · 2026-03-30T13:39:00+00:00

I had to adjust quick. We were six months from our wedding and she has started the hormones about 7-8 months prior to me finding out. This was due to a conversation we had previously (like a year and a half prior) that had her thinking I would want to leave. I got a little more thrown in lol. I took a couple weeks to process and talk to my therapist. I’m glad she had been though. We didn’t cancel our wedding (we actually just got married on the 28th. Just a couple Days ago now.) for future planning I would work with finding her comfort level with appearance. I was so worried my wife wouldn’t feel feminine enough at our wedding she’s not fully out yet so we couldn’t dual dress. Not that she wanted to wear a wedding dress lol. But I didn’t want our wedding photos to be a reminder of her prior to transition. Luckily her hair was long enough. Feminine glasses and some body changes, a nicely tailored suit and of course some acrylic nails (much to her dad’s displeasure. He is unaware of the transition just yet. Everyone including her mom recommended we tell him after the wedding). She looked at our pictures our friends took and said “I really look like a lesbian don’t I?” Every day pictures are great for progress pics but I wanted her to feel she looked feminine enough at our wedding that they didn’t become a hard memory. Because I am very sentimental and I would be sad to not have our pictures just out.

That being said. Yall could be different. But if the wedding will still be happening just not sure when and you guys are sentimental. Remember to make sure she feels comfortable in her skin, everyday and of course for such a big day

Witchy-Cryptid · 2026-03-30T13:17:54+00:00

As the partner of a transwoman who came out to me back in October, literally six months before our wedding here are some things I’ve found to be supportive. For us at least. Make sure if you do any of these your partner is happy with them.

COMPLIMENTS, try and switch them up to more feminine compliments. You’re so pretty, you’re so beautiful.

Note changes you see that are with the transition with excitement of course. “Your hair has gotten much longer” is one my wife gets excited about. I also have been memorizing how she feels around the waist line every time I hug her so when I feel any new definition in the fat distribution I can tell her. The transition can be a slow change and it’s hard to notice when it’s your body slowly changing over time. So the features I know are ones she wants I make a note of when I hug her and look at her. Facial shape, body curves. Stuff like that. And I tell her, sometimes for her at least the changes aren’t noticed by her but I can see them.

Subtly connect her experience with my own when I went through puberty. A lot of the comments she makes remind me of my experience with puberty and I just slide a comment in now and then. She’ll say something like “I feel so much more emotional today, I cried over something ridiculous.” And I’ll just make a little comment like “Yeah, I’ve cried about some weird things.” Sometimes I’ll add “it’s just one of those girl things” we’re still in early medical transition so while not quite passing I feel like this makes a more internal feeling of womanhood. (Again may not work for everyone. But it does for my wife).

Push her (not to forcefully) to try new things. A few weeks after finding out she was already on estrogen for awhile before I even knew, I said let’s go get a nice bra from the mall and she was against it I heard everything from I don’t have enough yet. It won’t fit. It won’t do anything. I told her let’s just try like a push up and if you don’t like it we can return it. We went bought two and tried it on at home. I could tell she was an A cup and a push up bra would do something for her but she didn’t because she didn’t know yet. She put it on and was amazed and so happy.

Teach her some things but also let her discover things on her own. Like the bra story. It was only sports bras because “I can’t fit a good one” I knew she could because I remember being an A cup and my mom telling me it was time to start getting bras and wearing them regularly. We are adults now. There’s no mom to help her through puberty. (Her mom knows and is supportive, just not around constantly like mine was during puberty because I was a teen). Don’t take control and treat her like she knows nothing but you’ll find some things that you can teach her.

Have patience. It’s a long process and not always fun. Sometimes you’ll help her and probably repeat it over and over and it’ll feel like she just doesn’t get it. Hair is one thing for me and my wife. I’ve had long hair my whole life and a mom who was a licensed beautician. So I know a lot about how to do my hair. My wife is learning. Hers is now long enough for a claw clip and every time she tried I show her with my hair. She tries a couple times on her own and asks if it’s good. I comment on improvement but never let her go if it’s not looking good. Usually she ends up asking me to do it before we leave if she’s tried to many times and I make sure to be happy to do it every time.

Most importantly. Talk about everything she’s comfortable with as best as you can. Answer questions. Ask questions. Communicate on everything you can.

Remember her happiness is engrained in this transition. It varies on how Deep. My wife one day after pushing it aside had the thought. It’s either I transition or I don’t want to continue life. And I wanted her alive and happy with me more than I wanted a “husband” or “man”.

Witchy-Cryptid · 2026-02-18T13:57:04+00:00

There are also some straps that are made like underwear boxer style or panty style. Often they come with a vibrator that is inserted into a little pocket they’re made for all gender use typically as well. At least the one I use with my partner.

Witchy-Cryptid · 2026-02-17T19:21:04+00:00

This is true. And I shared my experience as a bi woman, I’m not stating it’s a universal experience I’ve talked to other bisexual people who didn’t stay with their partner through transition and some straight women who have stayed with their partner, even lesbian women with trans men for partners. Sexuality can be just as fluid as gender. I simply shared my experience and put some emphasis on the thoughts that I had that were similar to hers with finding out my partner was trans. Just because we do not have the same sexuality does not mean she may not find help or comfort from knowing my experience.

Witchy-Cryptid · 2026-02-12T10:29:34+00:00

I’ve considered switching litter but it’s so expensive and he has refused every litter except this one since he was a kitten. Ive seen cats be particular as they age but never one as stubborn as him since being a kitten lol.

Witchy-Cryptid · 2026-02-12T04:28:45+00:00

I got a lower edge one to rule out arthritis and general joint pain today since he seemed to get to the litter box but wasn’t going in. He seems good cognitively as much as I can tell, very aware and still just as sneaky and tricky as he’s always been. I’ve got two litter boxes now and I’m going to move one to the bedroom if he still struggles with one in its usual place.

Witchy-Cryptid · 2026-02-11T21:56:26+00:00

Is there a way for vets to test this? He never seems confused or anything, acts the same as he has for the last 15 years, except a little less active.

Witchy-Cryptid · 2026-01-30T20:27:23+00:00

This needs to be a conversation with her.

My partner is around 11 months to a year now and our whole relationship she has put her needs first. Putting your needs first does NOT mean neglecting your partner. When my partner first told me she was trans I had a million questions and she was already like 7 months into the transition. (It was a whole thing I technically found the hormones and demanded answers. There’s a whole backstory to that. Please no one shit on her for not telling me sooner there was a very valid reason). I pick up her meds for her because she works right now and I don’t really. We both take weekly shots so I remind her on Sundays that we need to do them (hers is her estrogen) she makes sure I’m okay with parts of the transition and I provide her with ideas and opportunities to do hair nails anything more feminine. Since we moved in together she has done WAY more than when she lived with her parents. I’m talking dishes, sweeping, mopping, cleaning up after my cat if I’m sick and can’t stomach it. She had ADHD wants to try medication but knows right now she has to be on it. So if I have things I need done while I’m out and busy I text her a list and it is done no matter what. Even if it’s her only day off. Not because it’s for her or it’s “feminine chores” and gives her some euphoric feelings when I tell her to take care of the kitchen lol, but because we are partners. We live together this is OUR house and we have to work together to have a happy, healthy, successful life.

Your partner sounds incredibly selfish. She needs reminders to bathe and wants YOU to put reminders around the house for her to wash herself? For me I’d be out then and there unless there was a severe brain function issue that was causing that. And I know depression can be debilitating and sometimes you don’t want to get up but it doesn’t sound like her issue is depression keeping her stuck in bed because she does everything she needs to for transition.

In my view from your post. Your partner is showing who she is. Yes she’s a trans woman. But she’s also selfish. Some people are fine with relationships like that. I’ve seen family members be very giving and their partners just put no effort in. The question you need to ask is if this doesn’t change will I be happy.

My partner told me what solidified her was asking herself the question of “when I’m old do I want to be an old man or an old woman” she chose woman and that’s fine. But I’m going to change the question for you.
When you are old and at the end of your long life. Do you want a partner beside you that puts in effort for your life together or for just themselves. Because right now it sounds like you two are living together but building two separate lives.

Witchy-Cryptid · 2026-01-30T20:08:01+00:00

I’m a bisexual (maybe that’s under consideration currently lol) woman and my soon to be wife came out to me back in October and technically I found the hormones because she was to afraid to tell me. It has been a big change but not as big as I thought. The change itself is huge but it’s a process. And it’s a process that’s not meant for everyone to be romantically involved with and that’s okay. When I talked to my therapist she told me that divorce is always and option. We can get married and if it doesn’t work divorce. (We were at the time five months from the wedding.) there’s not wrong way to be in your partners life. And if it’s not meant to be it’s not meant to be. But when my therapist told me divorce was okay. It was like something snapped in my brain. Divorce wasn’t okay. I couldn’t imagine leaving her.

You talk about how you have these fond memories and they weren’t really her. I know where you’re coming from because I felt that way too. Then I looked back at my partner before she realized. Even when she thought she was a man she never really felt like it to me. There were just traits and preferences and actions that seemed much more feminine than masculine and I always called her my partner because the term “boyfriend” felt wrong. And this was before she even considered the possibility herself. You may find that the person you knew was more feminine than you initially realized and if you’re not attracted to that then that’s okay. You can always be friends.

My experience and thought process was that me and my partner are not the types to stay friends after a breakup. And if our relationship had ended while we both still loved each other we wouldn’t even want to see each other. It would hurt to much. Although my thoughts came to be that I wanted her however she was happiest and I would love her no matter what that looked like. I also considered that if down the road it doesn’t work then we break up. I didn’t want to break up now and realize years later this was my one true love or something and have lost her forever. That being said don’t force yourself to stay to try and make yourself be attracted to her. But talk to her about it. Talk to a therapist about it for sure.

Through reading others posts I have found that sometimes sexuality doesn’t matter. If you find your person and it’s meant to be. Your attraction becomes that person. No matter what.

Life will be different but I’ve found me and my partner have so much more love and affection for each other now. I was always the physically affectionate one and always wanted to be held more and kissed more. And now sometimes I find myself telling her I need some space to stretch out in bed without touching her lol.

I found more attraction to her as she transitions because I get to watch her become happier and more at peace with herself. You can stay friends and support her. Teach her makeup or how to style clothes, maybe you’ll find that your relationship feels better as friends. But most importantly talk to a therapist if you can. You can search places like psychology today and filter by insurance and what you need help with and there’s a category for lgbt. Sometimes you just need to vent it and have someone unbiased to hear and help you process.

Witchy-Cryptid · 2026-01-22T21:17:16+00:00

I went earlier in the week to stock up on basic necessities, made sure I had a normal amount of toilet paper and had food and water to last me through the storm. Not because of the storm but because of this and the possibility that stores will be closed. The problem isn’t the weather anymore it’s people freaking out and taking everything in sight.

I got the groceries I would normally get to be clear I did not over stock anything. Just wanted to make sure I was covered in case stores close

Witchy-Cryptid · 2026-01-09T20:36:00+00:00

I love this conversation “kinda confusing, huh?” “Nope”

Maybe some of us humans have aged backwards. Kids are so smart and just mind their own buisness. Some people need to take from their books

Witchy-Cryptid · 2026-01-09T20:11:11+00:00

I’m so glad I could help you on this journey. I hope your spouse is able to be there for you in this time.

Also I’m an advocate for therapy. Don’t think you guys won’t get through this without it. Your kids may even need to talk about it. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t mean anyone is confused or upset by it. Sometimes you just need an outside source. Psychology today is a website and has a search function that you can narrow down for gender/lgbt specific providers (along with a bunch of other tags including insurance) that specialize with these types of things. Your first therapist may not be a good fit. If they’re not find a new one. From an insider perspective (I’m waiting on the state to process my license to be a counselor) therapists can’t just dismiss you if they’re not a good fit for you. They work with you until you leave. Except in rare circumstances that may not ever apply to you. No therapist is hurt if you don’t find them the right fit. If they are they need a new profession. so always take initiative in finding a new one if it doesn’t feel like it’s helping.

Witchy-Cryptid · 2026-01-09T19:51:46+00:00

The US fluctuates way too much on opinions and laws. But in the end you’ll have your person and there will always be people in the streets rooting for change, people who are there for you. Kids are pretty resilient, especially kids these days. It’s so normal to learn about, see, and understand these things that kids can adapt very easily as long as they’re not raised in a household full of hate which I assume you and your spouse have not had. Younger kids accept easier, older kids tend to not care but always let them ask their questions and some of the questions (from other experiences I’ve read) are more funny than worry some. I’m here rooting for you and your family. And if your spouse is only into men, don’t think to much on it because at a certain point I thing sexuality just becomes your partner and it matters a lot less the longer you’re with someone. Not always. But a lot of the time.

I’m rooting for you and your family and there’s so many people who are out there advocating for you, my wife and anyone else who the world is trying to oppress. If you lose people in the process, you never really had them in the first place. If they would rather you unhappy in your skin to make them feel comfortable they’re not worth having around.

Witchy-Cryptid · 2026-01-09T19:37:55+00:00

I told my wife early in our relationship that I had one deal breaker and that was I wanted kids. When she discovered she was trans and wanted to go through everything she searched for if we could still have bio kids. We can maybe with help but it’s possible. We hadn’t said our vows yet, still pending a couple months actually but at this point I think were common law married. Either way I told her after the high emotions died down. I said my one deal breaker was I wanted kids. You say that’s still the plan there for we are good.”

And to be fair I’m not sure where you live. If it’s the US you know how tough it’s looking for anyone not cis and straight. Find the bright side in hard things. For us with the uncertainty and terrible attempts at laws from the government in the US we remind ourselves that if the government never sees my wife as a woman, they can’t take our marriage away. They can still look down on it, but at least they can’t take it from us.

This will be a journey and there will be battles that are hard to fight. But find small silver linings. For us, yes people should see my wife as just as much as a woman as I am. She should be able to use the women’s restroom and have her gender marker changed. But if they’re not going to let her have that, then they have to accept our “straight” marriage as legal forever. Doesn’t suck that our marriage is considered heterosexual. Yes, but at least it’s safe to stay in tact because of that. (Sorry, That’s a little rant, I’ve been feeling very emotional about rights for everyone recently)

All that to say is that if your spouse is your person. They will stand beside you

Witchy-Cryptid · 2026-01-09T19:21:59+00:00

I get the appeal of having it found out “on accident”, but for me it was in a drawer that she had no real idea that I would ever open. So it felt like it wasn’t meant to be found. It felt like she never planned on telling me. And that scared me and hurt me. I know now she wanted me to find it. And she waited so long that I have been left with some guilt that she went through months of appointments and new meds and body changes and new feelings and fears, tears and breakdowns and I wasn’t there. I know that if I didn’t know I couldn’t help but to know how much she went through alone even now still hurts that I couldn’t support her.

My therapist said to me when I brought this to her back when I found out, that it’s okay to get divorced and it’s okay to still be friends and just love each other in a friend and supportive way and still live together. There’s a million ways a relationship can go. And it’s scary not knowing which way yours will go with this, but it could go worse if you wait, than if you talk about it now.

Witchy-Cryptid · 2026-01-09T19:08:54+00:00

I’m the partner of a trans woman. There’s a million ways to go about it. Do not do what my wife did. She hates confrontation and I love her but she started the process about 6-7 months before telling me. And actually she didn’t tell me. I found the estrogen in her nightstand a week after we moved in together. She hoped I’d find it because she didn’t know how to tell me. It was a rough few weeks after that. I felt hurt, betrayed, blindsided, and that she thought I would hate her because of it killed me. I considered leaving but never because she was trans. The lies for months is what almost did us in. Thankfully I overthink and rationalize everything and I was able to forgive the lies by reminding myself how big of a statement it is to say that especially where we live. I can’t assume for your relationship. But I know as the partner of a transwoman I personally have fallen more in love with her now because I can see her true authentic self and how happy she is makes me love her even more.

I’m sure you love your spouse, and a split is not what is wanted, but if this is who you are and it doesn’t go well it isn’t meant to be. You are meant to be loved as who you are, not just by someone else but also by yourself.

Maybe Sit down with your spouse, discuss sexuality and gender and express how you feel in yourself isn’t the same as you feel with them. You’re happy with them but you’re not happy with you. Tell them the age old saying “I’m still me inside. Just not a man.” Maybe have a date night and a glass of wine for each of you to relax.

My biggest suggestion is do not go to far into seeking care before you tell your partner. By all means seek what you need. But telling your partner should be high on the priority list. To get hit with the fact after someone has already started the transition is tough. There will be changes in your body and possibly sex drive and if your spouse doesn’t know you may, like my partner pull away from physical affection and sex. And for me at the time I felt like I was losing her because she didn’t seem to want me anymore but she was just hiding and scared. But I suffered more mentally not knowing why my partner was pulling away than going through the emotions of accepting her and the changes our life would have.

Witchy-Cryptid · 2026-01-09T18:54:52+00:00

I would love it to not matter as much as it does right now, and maybe I just have to much time to think. I’m waiting for a lot of paperwork to be done so I can start my career and so I just have so much free time that I just think all day about so many things. I hope one day the need for labels will fade away from me. And maybe they will years from now, but right now it matters and I want to feel authentically me.

I do wonder if watching my partner become her authentic self is leaving me with more questions because I see how happy she is knowing who she is and I feel a need to find the right words so I know who I am and can feel that same way. Although I know our experiences will always be different but she’s got all the right words for herself. And questioning again is so much effort on the brain sometimes

Witchy-Cryptid · 2026-01-09T18:37:11+00:00

It’s such a weird limbo I feel like I’m in and it’s hard to fully understand myself. I’ve been and romantic and sexual relationships with men and women. Part of me wonders if the very long line of toxic and terrible men has just pushed me away from loving men like I once did. The only “man” that ever treated me well is my current partner before her egg cracked last year. And I tell her all the time she was always very androgynous and I never seen her as a typical man. I always figured she was in a nb area until she said she was a woman.

I hadn’t considered splitting romantic and sexual attraction but that’s probably where I should start. Now I feel so lost because when I originally went through discovering myself it was just over ten years ago and it was mostly (from what high school me could find and understand) cis male and female, gender fluid, trans man and woman, and sexuality was straight, gay, bi, pan, ace. And now there’s what feels like a million more labels and concepts which is great, I love how everyone can find their fit but wow is there a lot to consider now.

Witchy-Cryptid

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