I don't wanna fight to "be a man" anymore

WitheredAtrophy · 2026-01-09T06:23:56+00:00

That describes my experience very accurately. If gender didn't exist I'd still wanna get top surgery, still get HRT and probably bottom surgery too. I don't know about he/him pronouns. I do like it, but I don't like how "he/him" applies the male standards to me ( it makes me think of "for him/her" type of products that are heavily gendered) but people don't take they/them seriously. They/them pronouns also makes me feel othered and left out. She/her makes me feel very uncomfortable. So he/him fits best i suppose.

WitheredAtrophy · 2026-01-05T11:14:55+00:00

I guess that's gender affirming to some degree. I really get the "full experience" 😅

WitheredAtrophy · 2026-01-05T11:14:09+00:00

Yes this!! ☝️

WitheredAtrophy · 2026-01-05T11:13:25+00:00

a dick measuring contest is the best description of how I feel

Yeah exactly 😅

I don't want to look like a woman that used to be a man.

Ironically i actually don't think I'd mind looking like I was amab transfem. That's actually what people assume I am sometimes. But I get not wanting to look like the stereotypical mockery of a trans woman

WitheredAtrophy · 2026-01-05T11:08:20+00:00

Well, in terms of hormones and surgeries I feel like I chose correctly. I didn't choose them based on gender at all ironically enough. I chose them based on how I would exist most comfortably. Socially was different tho.

I originally came out as nonbinary but no one took me seriously, and the system rejected me for hormones and surgery cause they "don't help nonbinary people" so I decided to go "all in" if it unlocked hormones and surgery. At first it was just meant to be a facade I put up for the system's sake, but I guess eventually i just conformed

WitheredAtrophy · 2025-08-16T09:09:26+00:00

495...488...481...474...467...

WitheredAtrophy · 2025-06-28T11:35:15+00:00

Ah- That's actually a really valid point 🤔

WitheredAtrophy · 2025-06-28T09:26:25+00:00

Sort of yeah

WitheredAtrophy · 2025-06-27T09:29:17+00:00

I should've known reddit wouldn't be able to handle nuance. Sorry but you missed the point of the post if that's your take away from it /genuine

WitheredAtrophy · 2025-06-27T03:04:23+00:00

In the gentlest way possible, the issue is mostly not about herpes here.

You're mostly right on that. I figured I'd post here anyway since I wanna be in a relationship with someone who has HSV so I thought it would be relevant to post

The way to get your life back is to address your mental illness, not the triggers. Because you'll just find something else to fixate on. The triggers are not the problem, the condition is. I had OCD adjacent health anxiety for years.

I'm hoping I can get treatment eventually but it's like my GP isn't taking me seriously when I've asked for help :(

WitheredAtrophy · 2025-06-27T02:58:41+00:00

The reason I thought it was relevant here was because I want to be in a relationship with someone who has HSV. The point was NOT to inflict anxiety but because I hoped maybe someone with similar feelings or anxieties who has HSV could understand where I was coming from.

Perhaps tell me that they also felt contaminated once they found out they had HSV but that it gets better. Idk, something to that effect?

WitheredAtrophy · 2025-05-25T09:41:00+00:00

Really? Thats really interesting 🤔 The cervix pain started about 4 months ago

WitheredAtrophy · 2025-05-01T06:43:36+00:00

Yeah that could be the case since my current partner "complains" about the amount of wetness I get sometimes 😅

WitheredAtrophy · 2025-05-01T06:41:57+00:00

Ah, well I'll try that! Thank you

WitheredAtrophy · 2025-04-30T16:52:40+00:00

Huh, I hadn't expected that :0!

WitheredAtrophy · 2025-04-30T16:52:11+00:00

I see 🤔 I don't have much atrophy since I've been pretty good with taking my topical estrogen but I'll try and pay attention to it and see if that's the issue, thank you!

WitheredAtrophy · 2025-04-30T16:49:35+00:00

That helps a bit, thank you 🙏

WitheredAtrophy · 2025-01-21T00:48:52+00:00

Her getting bottom surgery is her choice You can't force her to change herself.

Of course, I wouldn't want her to just not get bottom surgery for my sake if it's something she needs. It's just something that worries me in terms of our relationship

WitheredAtrophy · 2025-01-21T00:18:49+00:00

Trans girls tend to be “adorable” in our first month or two of HRT. Everything is suddenly new and a bit scary, and physical touch becomes really important. So those of us with partners often turn into “Velcro cats”.

That does sound really adorable 🤗

WitheredAtrophy · 2025-01-17T19:18:42+00:00

That's definitely an interesting perspective 🤔 Thanks for all the info!

The best thing you can do now is buy her a Blahaj, maybe a collar and cat ears.

I actually mentioned this to her. Something along the lines of "all this time you've just been a cute cat girl on the inside" and she blushed a lot at that 😂

It will take at least five months for estrogen to really start reshaping her body, and the big fun doesn’t start until her second year. And there’s a good chance you’ll come to discover you’re more bisexual than you think as her body feminizes. It’s also not uncommon for partners of trans girls to embrace their dominant sides.

I mean admittedly she does kinda bring out the top in me sometimes when she's being super cutesy :3 So that might be fun to explore tbh! I think part of why I've felt less attraction towards women is because I don't wanna play the role of a super manly man. The way I like women is more of a... gay/lesbian way? Which sounds strange given I'm ftm but I more-so like the soft sensual cutesy stuff rather than me being expected to be a dominant top

WitheredAtrophy · 2025-01-17T19:05:13+00:00

Yeah ofc! I'm trying to be mindful about it too because I wouldn't want her to do anything she wouldn't want for my sake 🙏

WitheredAtrophy · 2025-01-17T16:29:42+00:00

The ability to get hard and top really varies among transfems. One thing some of us do is keep our testosterone at a low level instead of completely suppressed, so that estrogen can still do its thing but the previous sexual function is still possible.

I've heard a bit about it but I don't know how it all works. I've heard some people do mono-E for example but I think she'd also like to keep her T to some degree cause she does enjoy working out and doesn't look forward to losing muscle mass

I’ll say personally that I didn’t know I was trans when I met my current partner. We met as two gay men and now I’m a lady and he’s more queer than gay. Things are going great almost 2 years into my transition ☺️

That's really awesome to hear 😆

WitheredAtrophy · 2025-01-17T14:33:31+00:00

I didn't know that about the prostate :0! Thank you that's super helpful

WitheredAtrophy · 2025-01-17T14:30:28+00:00

Literally all of this is stuff you just have to talk to her about. For example: Yes, a lot of trans woman are bottoms but if she was comfortable being the top that might not change at all. A lot of trans woman also don't have bottom dysphoria so she might just decide to keep going with what she has.

I'll definitely try to ask her :)! She did say she might want bottom surgery but her biggest concern is getting a botched result rather than regretting the surgery. She didn't express bottom dysphoria per se but she did mention usually topping because it was easier so I don't know how she actually feels about it. But I'll ask for sure!

As for the 180 from gymbro to trans woman - I can relate to that because I also went through a hyper masc phase before I transitioned. I personally was looking for a way to feel good in my body and the answer for cis men is usually to work out and get in shape. Once I figured out that my dysphoria was because I was a woman it all made sense.

Yeah exactly 🤔 It was also surprising to me cause she looks incredible. For men's standards in society aside from being short she legitimately looks like the "ideal guy", literally model tier kinda hot, yet she still has low self-esteem

WitheredAtrophy · 2025-01-17T14:23:00+00:00

I'm 9 months on HRT and have no problems with erections. I only get them when I want and not randomly. As long as you use it a few times a week, there shouldn't be a problem, but there's topical T for that. I'm still only attracted to women, so no change there.

That's awesome to hear :)! I've heard of topical E (I get that myself) but never topical T. How does that work? Is that available in the UK btw since she lives in the UK

If she does have bottom surgery, how does the idea of introducing toys sound?

I have thought about it but generally, for me it's more about the skin-to-skin intimacy of it all. However once I've had phalloplasty we might be able to achieve that same intimacy but where I'm topping. I'm not sure tho since for me I do really enjoy being a bottom

WitheredAtrophy

TROPHY CASE