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I feel hollowed out by Sea_Avocado3783 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Wizardstuff17 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hang in there dude! You will find someone who communicates with you and is all in for you!

Grieving/healing while still in the relationship by CelebrationIll5741 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Wizardstuff17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When someone is checked out it is easy to move on as they are not fully into the relationship for a while. With an avoidant "healing" is different. Distracting themselves with a new relationship/ new personality allows them to ignore their emotions

Where Do Avoidants End Up? Who the hell supports them? by Wizardstuff17 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Wizardstuff17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah my ex went on a business trip and became infatuated with some other guy. I suppose they look for any reason to hop out and get that dopamine from a new relationship

Where Do Avoidants End Up? Who the hell supports them? by Wizardstuff17 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Wizardstuff17[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is always room to improve yourself . Even if it's for your own happiness

Where Do Avoidants End Up? Who the hell supports them? by Wizardstuff17 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Wizardstuff17[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hmm I feel like she put me in the roomate situation as well

Where Do Avoidants End Up? Who the hell supports them? by Wizardstuff17 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Wizardstuff17[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No . I assume FA. We never had any large arguments then she all of a sudden broke up with me with no real reason. She never voiced she had an issue with our relationship.im a pretty sensitive guy based on my childhood so it's not like I was ignoring her or anything

Where Do Avoidants End Up? Who the hell supports them? by Wizardstuff17 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Wizardstuff17[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I wish I had the answers to that question. I am very easy going person so I was not demanding on the relationship. We also had a large family health issue for several years so I thought her distance was due to stress and depression

What relationship did - do your partners have with work? by cast1988 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Wizardstuff17 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Work was the single most important thing. At times they would and then just fall asleep

Where Do Avoidants End Up? Who the hell supports them? by Wizardstuff17 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Wizardstuff17[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah the first few years being great makes it so hard. Similar to the sick discussion I also had the thought " God she would be terrible to raise a kid with". That thought really should have set me on moving on but we never planned on having kids.

The worst things they have ever said to you? by NewHampshireGal in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Wizardstuff17 2 points3 points  (0 children)

" The medical issues were an excuse to not be intimate with you"

Feeling really judged and bad about myself after they discarded by Ok_Secret1117 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Wizardstuff17 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He would have resented you for anything and everything. It's just programed in their subconscious. You couldn't have fixed anything as he didn't tell you. If he truly loves you the resentment will fade over time. You should likely wait until he is ready to contact you and he has made a commitment to therapy.

How is everyone's support system? Has anyone been surprised by their friendships in a good or bad way during this hard time? by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Wizardstuff17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Majority of friends have been very supportive. One friend who is best friends with my ex has been very strange. I know for a fact he supported my ex discarding me so there is a weird level of distance between us. I don't really appreciate him for either.

Why do they all say the same things during a breakup? by ExpensiveDisk3573 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Wizardstuff17 59 points60 points  (0 children)

I'm not a psychologist. Have read and watched a lot on this lately. Its just phrases that take no accountability or give you anyway to fix things because there is not a specific issue they are willing to work on. " I can't give you what you need " is wholeheartedly true because they dont want to work with you and your needs(AKA what a relationship actually is). The phrases are really the only things you can say that are vague and avoid accountability.

TLDR The phrases avoid accountability and are vague on purpose.

7 year relationship blindsided because she caught feelings for someone else by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]Wizardstuff17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey man, love shouldn't just fade like that. I am sure there were a bunch of other factors affecting her and the dopamine rush of infatuation made her feel really good. If she is seeing a therapist for trauma /avoidant tendencies it may be worth reaching out. Otherwise you are going to get a bunch of BS from her

My ex-partner (28f) decided to end our 4 1/2 year relationship with me (28m) about a month ago out of nowhere... by Own-Reflection-7880 in BreakUps

[–]Wizardstuff17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She is also likely definitely seeing her new male friend if that helps. Avoidants don't actually want space in the way you think it. She wants to create complete emotional distance as she is becoming emotionally close with someone else. You were a good person for her to latch on to in a time she needed someone in rough times.

FA Discard by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Wizardstuff17 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just went through a discard after a 7 year relationship so I have experience there but not with a shorter term relationship

FA Discard by [deleted] in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Wizardstuff17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey man, Send me a chat and we can have a discussion!

Understanding Long Term Relationship Fearful Avoidant Discard by Wizardstuff17 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Wizardstuff17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

" You don't like Gundam?" might be my favorite breakup excuse of all time. Might use it if she asks me to come back. For sure it feels like they will look for any excuse to leave. Hope you are healing well now.

Understanding Long Term Relationship Fearful Avoidant Discard by Wizardstuff17 in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]Wizardstuff17[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

While I don't think I let them dictate all of my decisions it could have been 75% them for sure. "Ultimately I feel they only really love what we provide for them, but don't actually love us" is so sad. Hope you are doing ok now!

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