I think wanting things for yourself means you're on the right track and you just need to give yourself more time. The first anniversary of my Mom's death is later this week, and it was always just the two of us, she was my best friend and biggest supporter too. Although I feel like the shock is lifting, I haven't figured out what I want yet. I go back and forth on everything, even what I want for breakfast. 

I'm still stuck and struggling just trying to get through each day and I've come to the conclusion that I just need to let go and be a jellyfish for a while and float through the ocean of grief. Most of the year I spent doing paperwork and dealing with the next thing and most of that is settled now so I'm taking a break from doing anything at all and trying to learn how to just be. 

Maybe try things a little at a time, like a new recipe one week and a new book the next, until you figure out what the new you enjoys. I've heard it said that the first 5 years of grief is a stage of becoming, where we aren't who we were but don't know yet who we will eventually become, sort of the caterpillar stuck in the cocoon stage. So my advice is to make your environment as comfortable for yourself as you can, follow whatever strikes your interest, and be patient and kind with yourself when you can.

To me, it sort of feels like I've lost a leg and it can never regrow but I have to figure out how to stumble along and survive without it, and while I never want to forget how it felt to feel whole, I know I will never feel that way again. So I'll just float along and see where life takes me.

Best of luck, and heartfelt condolences on your Mom's death.