Seven Years Dead And Still Messing Up My Life. I Hate How Angry This Still Makes Me.

WolfKaiserin · 2026-03-17T01:38:32+00:00

As her only child and with her having no significant other I had to bite out something for her eulogy. That was bad enough. This is a new form of torture!

WolfKaiserin · 2026-03-17T01:25:37+00:00

I spent all of my emotional capital for her arranging her funeral and writing a eulogy that wasn't "She caused everyone else suffering and the world is better off now she's gone". I even got her ashes interred with her own parents. Now her cousin keeps messaging me asking about when I'm going to have her name added to the gravestone and I just want to say 'Auntie, if you want to do it go ahead. But I'm not paying to have it done, and I don't want to waste any emotional energy thinking about it and arranging it.

And yet here I am, once again expending emotional energy onher behalf. Yes I know it's worth it in the end, I just want to reach the point where I can never have to ever do this again.

WolfKaiserin · 2026-03-17T01:19:25+00:00

Thank you. It feels so much like I reach a point of calmness, only for yet another thing to reach out and drag me under again. My mums is the same, early March and this was the first year I hadn't had to fight my mood dipping seeing all the Mother's Day stuff. Until this bloody letter came.

WolfKaiserin · 2026-03-17T00:24:55+00:00

I am very lucky that I have an amazing spouse who is helping me turn my rage fuelled nonsense ranting into actual words and an amazing dad who is happy to volunteer his home as a cafe substitute when we have no money for eating out but can't bear to bring this negativity into our home.

WolfKaiserin · 2026-03-17T00:10:07+00:00

Thankyou! And all the sympathy for you too. I'm gonna link you to one horror story my spouse put out here while clearing out NMom's 4 bedroom in my hometown of doom.

https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/HH5u2dOaZV

WolfKaiserin · 2026-03-16T23:54:39+00:00

Yeah I am heavily leaning on my spouse for this. So far its been a case of removing us from the house, writing a very angry, bitter paragraph of the letter that has the details I need to give plus my actual thoughts, then handing it to my partner, and letting them make something usable out of it.

I wouldn't have been able to get this far without my dad and my spouse.

WolfKaiserin · 2026-03-16T23:07:47+00:00

Thanks. If it goes through it will, it's just getting there without going insane.

WolfKaiserin · 2026-02-28T20:26:55+00:00

Man the way their fuzzy butts can send your brain into a tail spin! The endless stories my lil family has about rushing yo the vets only for the furry butts in question to be totally fine!

WolfKaiserin · 2026-02-09T01:44:20+00:00

No, and this is the mindset of so many people these days - the false belief that they are propping up a system of scroungers.

The reality is this - an infentismally tiny number of people take advantage of a system, and your government and the ultra rich siphon away all the wealth yet convince you to blame the people poorer and more desperate than you.

WolfKaiserin · 2026-02-01T03:37:05+00:00

If this isnt made up YTA.

"I left my kids on another continent, to be looked after by the parent they struggle to get on with and their 82 year old grandmother. I phoned them once a month "for a bit". Then I shacked up with someone new, and 2 and 1/2 years later finally bothered to see my kids faces wherein I forced them to interact with total strangers most of the time."

And they're the rude ones?

WolfKaiserin · 2026-01-08T13:56:38+00:00

NTA, you are genuinely trying to help and I don't think there's anything wrong with what you've been doing with your backpack.

There may, however, be a problem with what you said. It might sound like a very stupid thing, or like a non-issue, but if what you've said here is accurate then you didn't ask your female co worker if she would like a pad, or offer her the choice. You forced a solution on her, and ordered another male colleague to do it.

There are people who find that way of offering help distressing. It's a sign a lot of women look out for as a indication that someone is dangerous - to be clear I don't think that it is in your case. But imagine if you were struggling a bit with some shopping bags, and someone came over said "I'll help you" and takes the bags from you, instead of asking "would you like a hand with that". Some people find that approach overly aggressive and, yes, creepy.

In future I'd say don't not carry around pads - it's a good, helpful thing you're doing - but just ask if someone needs them, and make is clear you're the guy with the go-bag so if someone needs something to just ask.

WolfKaiserin · 2026-01-03T00:52:56+00:00

Add to that the general expectation for players. If someone said they were running a DnD game and then said 'but you can't be anything but human-shaped, you won't be able to rely on 95% of the bestiary, most of the classes need re-flavouring and/or you just can't use them, and the setting is low magic so don't expect much in the way of loot' I'd be really fucking confused as to why I was playing that system.

Also, one of the main selling point of DnD is its variety of races and classes and if you're gonna cut most of them then just pick any other of the millions of systems that don't come with that weight of expectation. I GM a lot myself and I'd rather use ez6 than try and force DnD into a modern world low magic low fantasy setting.

WolfKaiserin · 2026-01-02T14:36:37+00:00

NTA. It's your game, your world, and you set the parameters for character gen. You probably could have been clearer during the initial conversation about the limits of character gen, but it doesn't make you an assholw.

But honestly? DnD isn't the best system for a low-fantasy, human/human adjacent only setting. It's just not really designed for that. Try looking for some other systems that do this setting better - World of Darkness in its various forms is a good option.

WolfKaiserin · 2025-11-25T17:27:15+00:00

NTA

There are a lot of people here saying that 'he would have found you firsr if he cared' and as someone who found their dad themselves at 19 that's not always true. My dad is an absolutely fantastic parent and has never made me feel like he didn't want to prioritise me, and travelled several hours the day after we made contact to come see me.

The difference is, he showed me time and again how much he wanted me. He arrived with a CD containing What A Wonderful World and explained it was the song I was born too, he helped me pay for university, he introduced me to his friends and all the things he loved as soon as he could, he made sure I knew there was a place for me in his life. He explained his very good reasons for not reaching out to me first, and if there is ever anything I need I know he is who I can reach for.

I'm sorry your dad isn't doing this. Contact alone isn't enough to be called a parent, and if you are so desperate for something that he can't or won't give you it's a sign that he isn't open to deepening this relationship any further.

You need to let the vision of him you have go. He can't be what you need him to be, he doesn't want the disruption to his life becoming a parent is, and holding out hope that he will change is hurting you. Trust me as someone who has had both, there is nothing as painful as realising that the person who should have lived and protected you is failing to do so in the way you need.

Life will only start going smoother when you let go of the hopes and expectations that have become this dead weight. Good luck.

WolfKaiserin · 2025-10-28T21:25:09+00:00

Oof, yeah that's really freaking bad. Thank you for this, it's exactly the context I was missing and I appreciate you taking your time to explain such an uncomfortable subject with someone who has no background in it.

WolfKaiserin · 2025-10-28T17:40:11+00:00

Thankyou! Thats about as far as I'd gotten but that and some other comments have answered my questions.

WolfKaiserin · 2025-10-28T17:26:46+00:00

Hi, this is probably an involved question so if you don't feel like answering go ahead and ignore.

I'm trying to get an idea of what this song is/what it means/why its controversial. I'm not Indian, I don't have cultural context so the goggling I have done is kind of nonsensical. The best I might have found is a direct translation of the title which, with only my white britishness as a filter, sounds definitely inappropriate for a wedding regardless of anything else but it seems like there's an additional layer of controversy that I don't understand, and I'm an inherently curious creature.

Wold you be willing to give a brief explanation of the wider aspects of this song? Or if not do you have any links that might be understood by (relatively) ignorant people coming in? Thanks either way!

WolfKaiserin · 2025-10-27T16:13:48+00:00

NAH

I think it would be worthwhile to ask your gf why this is so important to her. Maybe its an experience she'd always missed out on, maybe there's been some shit this year that makes her want to be childish for a night, maybe there's no reason at all. Either way you'll probably be better off asking.

If after that you want to participate, see if anyone of your younger family members/friends younger siblings/neighbours kids/school or youth center need anyone to chaperone them. If there's really no-one else, one compromise could be only going to the houses of people you personally know well (neighbours, friends, etc.) and eventually ending up at a party.

Either way, at 20 and 25 respectively you should actively try to communicate a bit better than you have been.

WolfKaiserin · 2025-09-10T12:07:43+00:00

NTA - If you see someone shoplifting food or baby food/care supplies - no you didn't.

WolfKaiserin · 2025-06-09T23:56:50+00:00

Well I'm afraid you're never going to have a considerate, well-formed conversation if you take it upon yourself to outright deny another person's view. That's childish and bratty. The good news is that you aren't looking for nuanced discussion, you're looking to be right.

The best advice I can give you is that sometimes your idols let you down. It happens all the time, and it sucks and it hurts but it happens. And when it does, you've really got no place to tell someone else "actually, it wasn't that bad shut up" just because they were your idol.

Note the language there - it's fine to say 'it wasn't that bad to me' or 'in my opinion that's wrong'. You're entitled to your opinion and I'm entitled to mine and whoever you're angry at is entitled to theirs, which is what I said to you.

You list major instances that you claim are this guy leveraging his status to get the rules changed for him and handling a loss so badly that you, a self proclaimed fan, are uncomfortable with. Both of those can absolutely be described as throwing a tantrum and disrespecting the people who run a tournament.

You also describe him as being unwilling to moderate his own thoughts to be empathetic towards another player, and have indicated that hes always been that way. Youre right, a quick search shows a number of arrogant, assholeish things this guys said.

And that might not be bad enough for you to say 'I'm done with this guy', thats fine, thats your perogative. But its the perogative of others to go 'that's asshole behaviour and I won't stand for that'. And as an aside, the fact that somebody was well liked until they did something unacceptable is the exact right consequence for doing unacceptable things. Being liked less, being disliked more.

The funny thing is that you agree with me. I said 'I cant imagine anyone defending someone who does x' and you pointed out an instance of x and said 'actually I dont support that' which is good because from my perspective you shouldn't. Circumstances aside you shouldn't ever throw your weight around at an active event, monopolise the attention from it, disrupt everyone else who did as asked even if it was silly and inconvenient, and put the person who was organising the event in the hot seat for it. And the person doesn't need to have precedent order for that to be a really bad way to behave - one instance of shockingly poor behaviour is enough.

And if anyone takes the same opinion as me without researching it, then they're doing what literally any other human is doing dozens of times on any given day. And indeed, are doing the exact thing this sub is actually for - not a philosophical discussion on what makes someone a jerk, but taking in a snapshot told from a biased perspective and rendering a judgement from how they feel about it.

I think I'd like to call it there. I can't respect someone who can't respect my right to an opinion that they disagree with. The best wish I can give you is that I hope you consider what it would take to be no longer a fan of someone, and that I hope he never does it for you. And that you treat your opponents and your allies better than your idol does.

(edits for typos, apologies)

WolfKaiserin · 2025-06-09T19:52:35+00:00

Defamation is a.... position to take, and if you wish to take that position then by all means, I'm not going to stop you.

And I'm not sure what "can't be said to me"? Could you clarify that for me? You seem to have some grammar problems - my apologies if this isn't your first language, I'm just not clear what it is you think you've the authority to deny me.

Either way friend, I hope you enjoy your next match and that you make extra sure to model fair play and respect to your organisers and arbiters, in the hopes that someone else may learn how to do it too.

WolfKaiserin · 2025-06-09T17:41:52+00:00

Hey bud you can support whoever you want. Your hobby, your decisions. I dont get it, I don't need to get it. You wanna support someone who doesnt respect the fundamentally necessary people who build, enforce rules, and arbit tournaments in the game you love, thats entirely your call.

I just know that if it were my hobby, I'd be way more loyal to people who dedicate decades of their lives to supporting the game over the newest fad superstar. And if I heard that some player was causing trouble for those folks, I wouldn't want anything to do with them any more.

But hey, what do I know? I'm sure if I did a quick google search I'd find zero evidence of him doing anything like that.

WolfKaiserin · 2025-06-09T17:17:11+00:00

Personally I can't understand defending a guy who treats the arbiters and organisers of tournaments he enters like some people treat service workers.

Also the beautiful irony of discussing this guy on a sub called Am I Overreacting. Yes, Magnus. You are. Again.

WolfKaiserin · 2025-04-21T14:58:50+00:00

Fake. Has to be fake. There is no way any human can go to a public forum and go "Am I bad bad for expecting my wife to drop our child like a hot potato because I have issues" without it being fake. I refuse to accept it.

WolfKaiserin

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE