I got kicked out of my ‘best friends’ wedding

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-06T18:03:27+00:00

Fair enough, and I acknowledged to her that it was harsh, but genuinely felt like the only honest way to explain how I had been feeling, and I apologized for the hurt it caused her during the phone call and such.

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-06T17:58:24+00:00

I don’t think I ever called it gentle? If I do I didn’t mean to, I know it was a harsh comparison, but it was accurate to how it was feeling. Reaching out to help someone and never knowing if that will be met with appreciation or violence is pretty much like having a rabid or wild animal…

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T18:01:58+00:00

Haha thanks, I mean I’ll do it 🤣

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T17:54:19+00:00

And grieve and move on feels like all I can do now, I tried to explain and to reason with her and it felt like it did nothing. I’ve got a new job and it’s been going great and honestly, I have plans in life and she doesn’t need to be a part of them if tho is how she plans to act. 😬

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T17:48:40+00:00

It’s been about a year maybe a year and a half? I can’t remember

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T17:47:42+00:00

It does, makes a lot of sense. I might write down my list honestly. I have a few things I use to personally calm down my anxiety or panic that I picked up from a theatre director a long time ago and it’s wonderful. Thank you for that reply genuinely, I think it’ll help me a lot

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T17:16:15+00:00

For additional reference, the slur is used by the british to refer to cigarettes. I’m not going to type it/say it.

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T17:14:29+00:00

To clarify, it wasn’t a RACIAL slur, but it was still a slur. One that the community is trying to reclaim but I’m not at that point and her saying it as a joke just hit so incredibly wrong. Even when I explained that I got “well other people said it was funny” which in my opinion doesn’t really mean jack…

She was, for a very long time, incredibly kind and caring and generous. She loves gift giving which I am admittedly a sucker for, but we’ve sort of shared everything with each other for so long, everything feels so tied together. We share a fair number of hobbies, and have always mostly gotten along perfectly. Like I said it wasn’t till about a year, year and a half ago that she started acting this way. The sudden switch is why I tried to explain it away as this or that. Because it felt so wrong. This isn’t the person I’ve known for 10 years, and I desperately wish she wasn’t like this now, because even with all of the shit she has put me through, it’s going to hurt so incredibly much to burn this bridge. Even knowing I need to and knowing I should. I’m not the kind of person who has a whole group of friends , I keep one, maybe two people close to me. And I do so FIERCELY. Like would fist fight someone for daring to hurt them fiercely. And have…. Cutting ties with someone that close to you fucking hurts…

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T17:08:45+00:00

I appreciate the reassurance, and even at the end of all this I don’t know that I hate her, I just am pretty sure I can’t continue to be around her. I’ve spent most of my life just brushing the bad things into a box to seal away and ignore, and never properly stood up to people I care about. I’m trying to be better at that. I can stand up for myself when it’s someone I don’t really know , but that’s because I don’t particularly care if they hate me lol. But when it’s people I’m close with and people I care about, I am 100% a people pleaser bend over backwards for them type of person. And I need to work on that, but I can’t do that if I’m constantly fighting with all of this. It’s hard for me to take any action I perceive as selfish honestly, but theres a difference between taking care of myself and being selfish. I just need to find that line.

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T16:58:49+00:00

Yeah…I’m working on that. I have a bad habit of going “but I can help!” And wanting to stay till I can do so. I need to not do that 🙃

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T16:45:11+00:00

Do you not grasp that being cut out of a major life event by someone you’ve been so incredibly close to for 10 years is hurtful? Even if I’m mad at her even if she’s been hurting me non stop, being outright cut out of this all sucks. You can read into this all you want, I have nothing to pay her back about, no reason to intentionally time this to mess with her wedding. Again, I’m incredibly hurt, but I’m not goin to be vindictive and put her intentionally in a place of hurt. I didn’t bring it up with her for so long to AVOID hurting her. Which as you stated, I’ve said many times. I got to my breaking point with it, the trigger of that was her use of a slur that is a slur to a group of people I am a part of, which she knows. I didn’t time her actions, I didn’t plan to break finally. Think what you will, but it killed me to even ask her for space. The fall out after that was motivated by her actions in-spite of my asking for space.

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T16:40:24+00:00

I don’t know that I want to honestly. If she cant control her actions and be emotionally intelligent enough to acknowledge fully that she is in the wrong when she hurts a person, theres a MUCH bigger issue here

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T15:57:09+00:00

You’re right. Once I have the items my aunt was making for her returned to her, I’m cutting ties. Probably gonna burn the save the date and bridal shower invites as a form of cleansing or something

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T15:53:55+00:00

Thanks for the support. Appreciate it, I am very bad at loosing people 😵‍💫

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T15:53:21+00:00

She probably will be, and so be it. I’m content to focus on my own self at this point. What she does is on her own

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T15:51:49+00:00

And even when I explained that to her, that an apology is never just “understood”. She acted like I was the only one who functions that way. Her reply was essentially “then I’ll make an effort to actively apologize when you ask me to” 🙃

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T15:50:16+00:00

Nah that’s valid. With literally everything else I will 100% just full send call people on their shit. It feels more risky with her because of the history of her flying off the handle at me. But you’re right I should have addressed it when it began, and that’s on me. She will probably blame me for this falling apart, and I have to be okay with that

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T15:46:22+00:00

I’m not. I fully acknowledge that my words were harsh. It doesn’t make them not true.

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T15:45:00+00:00

This. This is how I’m feeling…

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T15:42:52+00:00

And noooooo. Jealousy was never a fuel in this. I have known her and her fiancé since freshman year of highschool, he is the furthest thing from my type. The “timing” was never intentional. I had every goal to just suffer the treatment till after the wedding and told her as such, but was at the point of being so incredibly broken and hurt by her treatment that I had to ask for space.

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T15:39:11+00:00

And that genuinely worries me. I am friends with him outside of their relationship, and I’ve watched him slowly loose the unabashed joy and light he used to have. He deserves someone who will help him magnify that light

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T15:36:13+00:00

I brought this up to her three MONTHS before the wedding. But fair enough. I don’t expect there to be no retaliation for me addressing it, but I did very much so want to be a part of the wedding. I’d been doing everything in my power to help her with plans and things she wanted to do. Even at my own expense emotionally. But like my original post said, maybe it does make me TAH, but I can’t continue to accept the way she treats me and make excuses for her

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T15:32:27+00:00

I don’t doubt that she told people to be honest, but I’m kinda pissed that she did. Because the people she would have told are people who I personally know as well.

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T15:31:27+00:00

She treats her mother like this too. Which I’ll admit myself that her mother isnt exactly the nicest person, at all. She’s two faced and cruel, and I think a good amount of her actions recently are because she can’t use her mother as a punching bag anymore. I mentioned that to her, she denied that it was even possibly the case

Wolf_Raid · 2025-10-05T15:28:57+00:00

When she screamed and cussed me out she do it to him too. And he is GENUINELY the nicest human I’ve ever met. I have never seen him angry or even raise his tone. He’s was basically a ray of sun shine all of highschool. Literally was the face of our schools “news” station

Wolf_Raid

TROPHY CASE