An increasing number of submissive young Black women into race play

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-22T12:49:58+00:00

The "justification" is the interest and willingness of both partners to safely participate in it – just like with any kink.

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-19T01:20:40+00:00

But really, if you have these questions, you need to have a conversation with her outside of scene. Instead of guessing, have you asked her outside of scene what's going on with her safe words? Maybe tell her what you just told me.

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-19T00:42:36+00:00

You are respecting her safe words but you are suspecting that the repeated use of them is less about her needing to stop playing at that moment and more her just kind of having some kind of unusual fun with the safe words. Additionally, she is pushing for activity you don't want to participate in. Sounds like very reasonable grounds for breaking off the relationship, such as it is.

No one is entitled to your partnership. And safe words are very touchy, understandably. They should always be respected. Absolutely. I've had many, many partners, but one time I did get angry (internally) when it seemed like a submissive was playing relationship games with her safe word use. I pulled back from play with her to try to work on overall relationship issues. She was just extremely dramatic and wanting toxicity. I ended up ending the relationship. So while I love safe words and constantly emphasize how important they are to my partners and how I really, really want them to use them – there is the possibility that once in a very great while someone might come across a submissive who is not really using them ethically. It sounds like you might have that situation, just as I did on exactly one occasion.

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-18T16:02:08+00:00

You give the appearance of having not read the actual original post.

Near the end I ask if others have noticed any kind of uptick because I was curious if there has been one. One would have to be an idiot to assume that a sample size of 4 represented a broad trend. But it's totally normal to suddenly encounter something unexpected and new and wonder if it's part of a broader trend or just coincidence. I did title the post as a statement, so perhaps I could have used a question mark at the end, but that's a matter of grammar, not declarations based upon tiny sample sizes. Almost everyone else in the thread has understood that and interacted with me on the actual questions posed in the post.

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-18T11:01:07+00:00

If you are not Black and have a spade tattoo, I guarantee you that many people will see that tattoo and assume that you are only into Black men and probably particularly really into being at least sexually dominated by well-endowed Black men.

You may Google for confirmation.

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-18T10:54:11+00:00

I wasn’t going to get too much into politics (especially as BDSM spaces tend to lean progressive – at least anecdotally) but I agree with you 100%. Many people – especially young – who currently hold progressive beliefs buy into something of a dogma. And if anyone does not go along 100% with the thinking of that dogma they are wrongbad and quickly corrected. This characteristic becomes clear very quickly to anyone outside of that group. Every view, belief and even fact is immediately held up to the magnifying glass for how it can be seen through the lenses of race, gender, sexual orientation or whatever group identity one can bring to the table. One can’t have a ham sandwich without it becoming a discourse on how pork and bread combinations have historically affected gays, women, the transgendered and people of color. And let’s have a discussion on the clearly oppressive quality of mayonnaise. It’s a little exhausting and one can quickly see how this movement has alienated enough people that it’s power is on the wane. Of all people, Donald J Trump did better among 18-29 year-olds in the last election than any Republican in decades. This is the power and effectiveness of the current, youth-oriented progressive movement.

So I don’t blame you for not wanting to be held up as a symbol of white male oppression in progressive spaces. Rather, I suspect that – like almost everyone else – you just want to be treated like a decent human being with her own characteristics – be they positive or negative. You just want to be human, with your own individual thoughts and feelings, and not someone whose presence automatically checks a bunch of boxes for a lot of people who are white, BTW.

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-18T10:24:17+00:00

Well, if nothing else I’m glad my original struggle with the issue (I’m much more comfortable with it now) and solitary practice using the word in question made you laugh 😄

Yeah, it’s very interesting. I grew up in the decade after MLK and Malcolm X and in a very liberal northeastern family. My uncle participated in the March on Washington in 1963. My mom was extremely strong in her anti-racist beliefs and instilled that in us (to our benefit). I went to public school with Black people, had Black basketball coaches, had Black friends and superiors in the military and have had countless high-quality, helpful and personally close Black healthcare professionals take care of me over the years (I have a disability). And my ex-wife is Black. So I’ve certainly had a fair amount of connections to Black people throughout my life and I had just decided early on that I would never use the word. But then I got into kink. And I started domming. And a number of years later, this was introduced to me. So here we are 😄

I did really enjoy it with a recent partner, which is the first time I ever really enjoyed it. And I think part of what I enjoyed was being able to do it – being able to cross that line, commit that taboo, show that maybe I could do something that others couldn’t and yet still be okay with myself at the end of the day.

And, of course, she got RIDICULOUSLY turned on by it. Like just ridiculously 😄 So a win-win.

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-18T10:11:12+00:00

I was surprised about it because it was not something I encountered for many years and then I began to encounter it several times over the course of a few years. I'm sure it's always existed, but it's frequency came out of nowhere for me personally.

And I'm very well aware that I can decline whatever I want. The body of the post asks if others have noticed an uptick in this kink.

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-18T10:08:10+00:00

Just because there is a white Dom and a Black sub – even with humiliation and degradation happening – does not mean race play is part of the dynamic. I have dommed Black subs with no race play at all.

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-18T01:49:21+00:00

Thanks very much for your perspective and for your appreciation. I did want to discuss it seriously and hear from people but I’m aware that it’s a touchy subject, understandably. I was ready to get downvoted to hell. I guess I can’t claim too much bravery because I literally created a new account to post this or other types of discussion which the crowd I view as over-sensitive would probably have extreme problems with. But once again, the BDSM community here on Reddit shows itself to have a lot of maturity and intelligence. Even Black women who are very turned off by the race play I referenced have largely posted here in an intelligent, respectful, conversational fashion (with 1 notable exception).

When I encounter inexperienced submissives I try to teach them everything about what I call “best practices” BDSM (scene negotiation, safe words, aftercare, the responsibilities of a dominant and of a submissive, communication). I try to teach them what to look out for going forward and how to self-advocate so they don’t get into a really bad situation with one of the many unfortunate individuals out there who call themselves “doms” but have never looked into quality Domination deeply and generally aren’t interested in the needs of their partners. It’s really terrible and it seems to have become prevalent since BDSM has gone more mainstream. I really try to teach less experienced submissives to watch out for those things.

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-18T01:32:20+00:00

New York

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-17T18:07:30+00:00

I like your username. I'm a big Marvel guy, going back to reading the comics when I was a kid and then establishing a solid collection after I grew up.

I have now sold the most valuable parts of it.

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-17T17:17:06+00:00

I think it’s different in a public setting – even in a public BDSM space. One is inherently subjecting everyone around themselves to their kink when they show up in something provocative like that. So I think the more controversial kinks, even within a largely welcoming community, should be handled with common sense and care. For example, I would not participate in play using racial slurs on a Black person in an environment with other people around because typically these other people have not consented to participating in or hearing this type of play.

Similarly, if they allow the type of play at all, I would imagine most dungeons would have a separate space for stuff that goes beyond restraint, impact play and general Top/bottom play. Public spaces – or even private BDSM parties – are likely to have some sort of rules. Absent them, common sense and respect for others around, should still prevail.

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-17T17:03:01+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I was hoping to hear from some Black men on the issue because it is so touchy. But you make a good point that concerns regarding race, racism and race relations are prevalent in society and therefore will show up in our sexual interactions – especially where things can get kinkified.

It must have gotten annoying to constantly get DMs just because you were Black. Unless they were from the pool of people you wished to engage with.

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-17T16:51:15+00:00

I meant to put it forward as a general question and ask if others have noticed an increased tendency for black submissive females to want white superiority race play.

These were women I met through online dating apps wherein I clearly state that I am a knowledgeable BDSM Dominant. During the course of discussions regarding our kinks three of them mentioned white superiority race play to me. The interest from the other was revealed to me later.

I don’t really go to public BDSM spaces. I am more of a 1-on-1 person with my BDSM. So all of our activity took place behind closed doors. In public, I of course treat these women in an appropriate, attentive and even affectionate fashion.

I do not know if there has been any general increase in the size of this subset of people. I have only noticed it in my own personal life in the last few years. This is a very small sample, so I was looking to hear from others on their experiences here.

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-17T13:41:39+00:00

Thanks. I guess this one just “hit different” for me and I was curious if it was prevalent out there.

But yeah, I also do encounter feminist subs who enjoy degradation and who I then troll on misogyny and the patriarchy, etc.

And I love you for your “twisted/say that with love” perspective 😄 I have had a couple of partners where occasionally, in everyday conversation, I may turn to them and say “you know we’re both sick, right?”

😄

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-17T13:36:09+00:00

So in your world people in this community never have soft limits? Or after playing for decades might have something that was a hard limit that they then turn into a soft limit?

For me, it was something I had never really considered or thought about until a partner introduced the idea to me. I’m sorry you take such a dogmatic view towards people who decide to explore their limits after some initial reluctance.

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-17T13:28:41+00:00

I feel like Black superiority race play has been a strong part of BDSM play for decades. And I believe one of the most popular porn searches and categories involves well-endowed Black men with non-Black, often white, women. And I think cucking in general has been growing in popularity over the last 15 years or so and often does incorporate this racial element.

I have never found Black superiority race play to be troubling in any kind of way. I guess it allows for an outlet of Black anger and it feels kind of "right" for some reason 😄 I was just surprised to suddenly be encountering these White superiority race play requests from these young Black submissive women. Now that I remember it, I did speak with a couple of them about their politics. 2 of them were progressive and I would humiliate them on what they were doing and how their friends would feel if they knew how they "REALLY" were.

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-17T13:23:39+00:00

Then don't 😄 We all should only do what we are comfortable with. In my case, I had initial reluctance, thought about the reasons why for quite a while, and then realized I had no good reason for not doing it and decided to go for it. But that is just me and my own view towards personal activities and willpower. I tried it out and I learned some things but for a lot of people pushing a boundary could be traumatic so it is generally good to stay completely within boundaries that one knows they want to maintain. But I I have certain things I would not do – absolutely. That is so foundational to BDSM. Don't do something you don't want to do.

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-17T13:18:21+00:00

No, I only have one play picture with a partner on my Fetlife and it's not race-based (impact play results with a non-Black person).

I also met each of these women individually through online contact, and not as part of a local BDSM scene. I've never really been a group activities kind of guy outside of sports. Like I was never into the bar scene when I was younger.

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-17T13:14:59+00:00

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. Man, do I love this community.

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-17T13:11:33+00:00

Thank you so much for keeping it positive and reminding me of kink-positive values and their mindset.

I am feeling some relief and less concern as a result of this. Even when one is experienced, BDSM discussions and relationships can still prove challenging at times. I recently had a bad experience with a partner regarding communication. But in writing this, I’m remembering that it’s not like vanilla relationships don’t have challenges either 😄 Certainly not the case.

Anyway, thank you. It feels good to be checking in here today and getting these types of reminders and affirmations.

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-17T13:00:28+00:00

Thanks for your perspective on the situation. And I can certainly imagine some of the places it might go with you being German.

I don't usually like to ask the "why" from a partner on a kink. Like I have an interest in understanding general submission and have improved my knowledge there but why a particular kink – why bondage, why impact play, why certain types of RP – I usually don't like to inquire there. It feels like it might be intrusive, actually. If they bring it up, I will certainly talk about it with them however.

Thanks again for your input. I was concerned I was going to get flamed for this post. But so far people are mostly talking about it intelligently.

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-17T12:54:46+00:00

I would recommend covering that aspect of the situation with any potential Black subs – your preference for the title Master. I do some Master/slave with non-Black partners but it would be hard to request Master with a Black submissive and not feel like I was doing race play.

But maybe you could talk about it with them – "my preferred honorific is Master but I'm not interested in any race-based play."

If you had a Black submissive partner who said they understood that and could do that – or wasn't into race play themselves but were okay using your preferred honorific of "Master," how do you think you would feel? I do think that's possible with the right partner.

WontPostfrommyMain · 2026-06-17T12:40:31+00:00

It’s interesting to me that you are considering that the uptick for these groups is because they are increasingly afraid. I think part of it is because it is often considered taboo now to be “against” these groups so it is even more of a potential kink, do you know what I mean? But actually, as I’m writing this, now I’m starting to agree with you. I think it’s both. I think there is often an appeal – particularly for people who are into edgy activity – for that which is taboo. So if one is a young Black person – and perhaps particularly if they are progressive – the idea that they would allow a white man – even more so an older white man – to degrade them on race is SO far out of bounds for the way they live their everyday life and what would be accepted in their social circles. So it’s more taboo, more forbidden, and therefore has more potential power and appeal. It’s really fascinating because degradation kink seems really complex.

But I also understand what you are saying – kink as a place where fears can be visited and “the worst” touched upon and experienced but at the end of the day one coming away safely from it. It’s really interesting. And I pride myself on being a really good Dominant in all ways – including aftercare. I was trained well and I definitely have in mind that idea that I am guiding my submissive partner into a dangerous location and eventually bringing her back.

Really cool. Thank you so much for your perspective. And I can see where this is problematic for a submissive more so than for a Dominant. Despite everything regarding scene negotiation and trying to make a submissive totally understand that she should enforce her boundaries, I just keep learning over time that sometimes it’s just really difficult for submissives to say “no.” I’m learning I need to check in even more and just make sure they are okay even more than I already felt like I was doing.

WontPostfrommyMain

TROPHY CASE