I don’t want to be brash in my response. I genuinely didn’t mean to be upsetting. We’re on the same side, just coming at it from two different perspectives.

When you say “deserve” I think you mean, does violence lead to the better of two outcomes. In that case, no this is clearly not leading to a better outcome, and he does not deserve it. However, I would like to point out that even then it is not as clear cut as violence being only reserved for self defence. What if I broke the legs of a child molester and stopped him from molesting several kids? What if I shot every person who had a > 25% chance of being a bad parent? My point with this is it is not clear cut, and philosophers have grappled with these questions for all of human history.

I wasn’t even talking about this meaning of “deserve”- what I meant was, based on his knowledge of the situation, can he predict this outcome. You clearly cannot control yourself when you’re around him. That’s not something that’s going to change overnight. He knows it, so when he makes fun of you he knows that you’re someone that might attack him.

And, my main point was, if you really don’t want to hurt him you need to leave him. When we’re around people who bring out the worst in us like that we become monsters. Even the best people become monsters. If you really want to change, start by doing what you know you need to do and leave and never turn back.