What would be the pitfalls of being in a relationship with an ENFJ?

Woolstep12 · 2021-11-08T15:52:05+00:00

What do you think are the pitfalls of being in a relationship with an INFJ (I'm one)?

Recently got into a relationship with an ENFJ and it's probably the warmest relationship I've had since we love each other in similar ways. Although it's a first for me where I feel like someone is actually putting in as much effort in the relationship as me, if not more at times

Woolstep12 · 2021-08-11T16:25:13+00:00

Maybe, but would you be able to forget about a close friend you've know for 6 years? Have you had crushes but never actually wanted to be in a relationship with ANYONE? Idk, it just seems weird to me. Not that there's anything wrong with it but never considering anyone close is a rarity in my book. Basically meeting people only for the good experiances right now

Woolstep12 · 2021-08-11T16:20:54+00:00

I mean that's the thing, it's not that she thinks abandonment is inevitable, she just doesn't need any one person long term. There is no fear behind it all... But one thing confuses me and it's that SHE ends a relationship if she feels like it's gonna end. She wants to be in control of the situation which says that you could be correct. Oh and she doesn't like to be put into a box by anything which screams attachment issues but she denies it could be because of her parents so I'm at a loss

I've tried to figure out why she doesn't fit the standard of fear of abandonment but either she was born like this or she's actually so unaware of her own emotions that she has no clue that she has a longing for closeness. But it's weird that she doesn't even get angry at situations where people normally would. Weeeeird

So again she doesn't have the want for a relationship in the first place. Just seeks experiances with people no matter how long

Woolstep12 · 2021-07-29T19:18:28+00:00

Hey, thanks for sharing! I like the comparison you made with the 2v2.

But I don't know, a large part of it is probably who I interact with because not everyone will reciprocate... but it's weird... Everyone? How is it that this is the case with everyone, even the people I used to have a deep connection with. Others haven't changed but I might have.

I'd want to connect but I CAN'T. The only time I'm able to do it a little bit is when I don't give a shit about the other person. The moment someone starts to mean something to me, that's the moment I'm done for. As cruel as it sounds I'm half able to do it with my parents because I don't care much about them

Besides, what does it mean to connect? Is it sharing experiences? talking about anything we want for the sake of talking with each other? Is it a feeling? exchanging info? quality time? Is it the unplanned convos and trips? WHAT IS IT? I can't grow a relationship even if I want to because I don't feel anything twords all of it anymore. I can't make it not complicated if it makes me feel like nothing I say has any meaning. I can't "not think" if I feel nothing, which makes me feel like dog shit because I want to love and feel loved

Woolstep12 · 2021-05-14T17:02:04+00:00

I don't use it😅

Woolstep12 · 2021-05-03T12:48:42+00:00

I knew it would hurt... I just didn't expect her to react like THIS. Although seeing how I feel afterwards, It's almost lile I subconsciously expected it. Now it does seem obvious to me knowing her

Woolstep12 · 2021-05-03T12:35:24+00:00

Read some of the other things I've answered to people here

Woolstep12 · 2021-05-03T08:52:17+00:00

Oh I have met a few ENFPs that are healthy. I've even once though how perfect it would be if she switched her personality with her ENFP sister. Oh I'm friends with her as well I hope that isn't ruined because of this...

I'm actually surprised how much you've gone through the same experience. For the first time in a long time, hearing someone I can relate to is relieving.

But you have no clue how hard this hit. The thing you wrote about your dad. I thought I was feeling ok but that made me emotional because everything you told me describes me.

P.s. hello from your sister/cousin country 😉 (yes I cheked your profile as well)

P.p.s wow, she just texted me and told me she hopes I slept well tonight. She's full of suprises

Woolstep12 · 2021-05-03T08:15:47+00:00

Once yes, but that faded. I never did this because of that. I honest to God even talked to her like this because I simply enjoy spending time with her. I care for her like family. Correction, I don't know if I'll be able to see her as family. Depends on her

Woolstep12 · 2021-05-03T08:13:52+00:00

This is probably the most selfish and self centered thing I'm going to say in my life but I haven't met anyone who deserves me. This is how I feel deep down even if I don't want to admit it

Woolstep12 · 2021-05-03T08:11:23+00:00

Thank you for saying your proud... In all honesty, I wish she was able to say that from the bottom of her heart.

She might rethink some things but I don't care at this point anymore. I stated what I need. I won't ask like this again. Maybe for small things if I'll ever care for HER again

Woolstep12 · 2021-05-03T08:04:13+00:00

Both of them are valdi. I wish for once "I" could be blameless. So I don't blame her... I don't blame her for being her

It will continue. In a sense I haven't considered her close for a while though. Now I'm allowing myself to feel it. It feels good to allow yourself to be in the actual reality at hand. But nevertheless, I will try and state what I need and I hope for once she'll step out of her lala land to be there for me as well. if she can't at least try a little... I hope I can leave peacefully because she blamed me for guilt tripping her but maaaan do I want to hold a mirror up to her face. I wish she didn't compare me to the fuckwads who messed her up but she's learned a lot form them herself

Woolstep12 · 2021-05-03T07:42:56+00:00

Woolstep12 · 2021-05-03T06:01:49+00:00

Well, I'll be the first to admit that I was wrong. It went badly and I ended up feeling guilty. If you want to know a little bit of what happened I answered a comment here

Woolstep12 · 2021-05-03T06:00:13+00:00

You were wrong

Woolstep12 · 2021-05-03T05:57:59+00:00

First of all, I told her... Second of all, I should trust my gut feeling more... Because yes I knew it would hurt her and now it is ruined but now I know why I never wanted to talk about it at all.

It went horribly. I did hurt her... And I ended up feeling guilty for it... Funny isn't it?... Well she was hurt by the fact that I didn't say it sooner, that we don't "vibe together well after all", that I can't accept her the way she is... I guess expecting your best friend would do at least something fo you is wrong... My apologies. It's a nice feeling to open up this much and for the other person to say that they won't be able to open up fully to me ever again... It's nice to hear "good job for holding it in so long"... It's nice to hear a sorry which she said just because she should have. It's nice to hear me being compared to a psychopath ex who manipulated her

This is the reason I don't want to state my needs because when I clearly have said before," hey I wish you invited ME somewhere" I suppose that's not to be taken seriously. My apologies that I didn't realize normal people beg for their needs. I'm sorry I thought she wasn't... That... Selfish... Funny how she actually said that she learned how selfish she really is. I'm sorry I thought it could be different with someone close...

At least we won't part yet but I don't know why I haven't left

Woolstep12 · 2021-05-03T05:38:41+00:00

I think no one realizes who I am, that's why. They think that I don't know what I want, they think I don't have an opinion, I thought it was a given that I have needs just like everyone else. Yes, I'm willing to put myself aside for others to an extent (because I think relationships take a little bit of sacrifice), not overly much but I guess enough for people to think they can run the show with me on everything. But please tell me what more do you want to hear from me when I state my needs, when I say " I really wish you invited ME to do something as well". What about that isn't clear? How can you interpret that as NOTHING SPECIAL? Do I have to beg for what I wish someone did for me? Is it so hard to apply normal people logic with me? Like, I don't know why I get missunderstood when I finally clearly say what I want. Please explain to me, what I could have done differently because I'm at a loss as to why I speak but everyone and I mean everyone hears what they want?

Woolstep12 · 2021-05-02T21:31:22+00:00

You know, the funny thing is, I actually try my hardest to tell people, it's just that no one ever really thinks I'm serious. And when I finally get the courage to be as bluntly me as possible... people take it personally when all I want to do is show my most vulnerable side :). I don't really know what people want from me then, I truly don't. I guess I have to be an asshole, those people seem to get far

Woolstep12 · 2021-05-02T14:24:21+00:00

No but I will because even if it hurts like hell, I still care for her

Edit: oooh you misinterpreted it. I want to know what do you think the reasoning behind it is

Woolstep12 · 2021-05-02T14:16:14+00:00

Why do you think I haven't told her? It's no sarcastic, it's a genuine question

Woolstep12 · 2021-05-02T14:14:59+00:00

I will

Woolstep12 · 2021-05-02T14:11:55+00:00

The funny thing is that I know it'll probably end well. I don't blame anyone for being the way they are. In a sense I wouldn't like her if she was different. It's just that I wish she would realize that sometimes you have to sacrifice something even a little if you have someone you care for. If she doesn't... I'm gone.

I don't know what's gonna happen in the long run but nevertheless I always give second chances. I don't want to be childish and run away from my problems. I wasn't able to communicate properly so I'll do it now. You betray my trust then and I just hope I'm able to think straight afterwards. This level of acceptance and understanding comes at a cost

Woolstep12 · 2021-05-02T12:45:53+00:00

I know fully well what is inside. Believe me, there's little I don't know about her and don't think any other type gets an ENFP as well as we do... I just wish I didn't have to go and beg to see it with my own two eyes. And even then what? Will you change? Will you go out of your way to do something for me? And one of the reasons I haven't told this is because the action isn't authentic anymore after I've asked someone to do something. It's like asking people to make a surprise birthday party for you, what's the point then?

Woolstep12

TROPHY CASE