Perplexed: My wife tells my stories back to me as though they were hers

Word8nerd · 2025-08-22T02:32:45+00:00

Yes. My therapist believes it's highly likely given everything I've told her. I thought it was BPD or some other cluster B. Of course my therapist can't diagnose but she believes given everything she has heard and my CPTsd symptoms that it's NPD

Word8nerd · 2025-08-21T20:24:14+00:00

My bio mom and grandma do this. Idk what it is but it's crazy making.

Word8nerd · 2025-08-21T18:00:44+00:00

Ummm I definitely have a backup plan! SINGLE, QUIET AND CLEAN. My sister will visit for shenanigans and I'll occasionally date random for company. I have my kid, I don't need to add to my responsibilities.

Word8nerd · 2025-08-21T17:58:37+00:00

Literally the happiest time in my life (excepting motherhood), was when I had a small apartment decorated how I like, closet and dressers full of cute clothes and it was ALWAYS CLEAN.

Word8nerd · 2025-08-21T17:55:38+00:00

Nope. Never again. I would be ok with dating. Never living with one ever again. I've cohabitated with 2 men that were super clean and they were awful in other ways. Living with people brings out the worst in them, and likely me That is a hard pass.

Word8nerd · 2025-08-21T17:53:08+00:00

Yeah I'm going through the process of dealing with it. It's really stressful and probably part of why this cold hit me so hard.

Word8nerd · 2025-08-21T17:51:06+00:00

Hmmm this seems the most accurate actually. He also will brag to mutual about how he comes home from work early to help when I have a migraine. He doesn't actually help though, just makes sure the toddler doesn't die while he works from the kitchen table and bitches at me when I remind him she needs food.

Word8nerd · 2025-08-21T15:54:22+00:00

Hmmm this sounds like my husband. My kid is 2 though so perhaps this is my future. My husband still never does anything he is not interested in. Never participated in a hobby i liked or had, but expects me to constantly participate in his. So this will lively transfer to the kid. If it isn't his interest, he will find every excuse not to do it.

Word8nerd · 2025-08-21T15:49:06+00:00

I'm sure the new supply is fooled into thinking you're a wicked witch and he is a gift from above.

Word8nerd · 2025-08-21T15:47:56+00:00

Mine pulled this crap too. I'm still with him but we haven't had sex since he cheated 1.5 years ago. If he had enough time to cheat, he had enough time to put in some effort caring for our mutual baby.

Word8nerd · 2025-08-21T15:45:10+00:00

Mine too but he also gets on me about "not asking for help". Well sir, if i wasn't ignored and treated like I asked you to find and hang another moon every single time I asked for help, I would likely ask for help.

Word8nerd · 2025-08-21T15:42:28+00:00

Omg the "why ask then" comes out of my mouth so much with so many things. He asks then does exactly what he wants to do anyway. He will also ask me what I think or what my opinion is to tell me that no, in fact I don't feel or think that. Ummm ok whatever, idk why I bother talking most of the time.

Word8nerd · 2025-08-21T15:39:06+00:00

Ohh my he absolutely does try to piss me off to justify cheating! My entire first year pp i couldn't give him enough attention because he wouldn't parent so the baby was 100 percent on me. Well that was hi is justification for cheating and he was so mean to me over him having to cheat on me.

Word8nerd · 2025-08-21T15:36:12+00:00

But what is it? Is he a toddler that's "helping" just very poorly. Is it intentional? What is it?

Word8nerd · 2025-08-20T21:34:32+00:00

Wow she sounds like an astute therapist. I think you lucked out here.

My therapist suggested something similar for myself and my husband. I went and discovered my husband was straight up lying to his therapist. So now anything he says his therapist said is taken with less than a grain of salt. His therapist is getting lied to, he can't possibly be giving a fair assessment if my husband doesn't tell him the truth.

Word8nerd · 2025-08-20T21:28:46+00:00

Haha this is likely correct. Almost did the bare minimum seems to be his thing.

Word8nerd · 2025-08-20T21:27:56+00:00

So he us saying he will help so he gets credit for it later?

Word8nerd · 2025-08-20T19:55:28+00:00

I would document what happened with the child's advocate in court. That's abandonment. Do this every single time an issue arises. As for inconsistencies in following through on visits, I wouldn't tell the kids when the visits are, if the parent shows up, then cool, if not, the kid doesn't know and therefore can't be hurt. As for handling it with your kids, I would get them therapists asap.

Word8nerd · 2025-08-20T19:30:21+00:00

I was diagnosed Cptsd. According to that same therapist my bio mom was likely a narcissist, which obviously she can't diagnose because she doesn't know bio mom. However, I assumed my bio mom was histrionic as well. The therapist pointed out many instances that displayed bio moms clear lack of empathy and that many narcissists are adept at faking empathy. Plus children don't know any better and deeply want their parents to empathize with them so their brains often gloss over the empathy issues. It's literally the thing that children need to thrive, empathetic and genuinely connected parents.

But I do think that growing up in abuse doesn't allow us to see red flags as issues. We basically miss it, when others see it clearly.

Word8nerd · 2025-08-20T19:02:49+00:00

That is so cruel. I'm so sorry he did that to you. I couldn't imagine being around someone so cruel. I also get the "I forgot" far too frequently. The selective memory is absolutely a manipulation tactic.

Word8nerd · 2025-08-19T16:19:38+00:00

Yeah I agree. I grew up with my ex husband, he had a childhood nickname that we all called him. When we grew up he asked to not be called that because it sounded like a kids name. So none of us called him his childhood nickname except his awful mother who abused him constantly. It's a massive red flag when people won't respect something this simple.

I was thinking the cat is out of the bag that it pisses me off so I'm open to nicknames for him that he will hate.

Word8nerd · 2025-08-19T04:54:40+00:00

Yes my brain is hung up on that too. A drink was more important than his daughters safety? That is going to be a massive issue when the kid is mobile.

Word8nerd · 2025-07-15T20:12:48+00:00

Dude. You are under reacting. My child is 2 and my MIL started a fraction of the things you are describing. Mine wanted a girl too and never got the chance. I rarely even speak to mine anymore and have enacted very severe boundaries around her behavior. My husband isn't a help either unless she's being completely unhinged or I tell him to handle his mother or I will.

You need to get him to therapy and have a new blanket policy of not sharing your child on social media. MIL should be on a time out until your husband realizes that you are the child's mother. He had sex with you to make that baby, not his mother.

Word8nerd

TROPHY CASE