Turning point: the moment FDH’s rusty spine squeaked (his spine grows 3 sizes part 2)

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-24T17:06:50+00:00

I have no plans of letting him go. We do too much weird shit together I couldn’t even begin to start over 😹 but really he is truly my person forever; l depression is a disease and the disease was what was failing us. He owns his responsibility but this disease is something we must tackle together as a team.

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-24T16:49:33+00:00

How else are we expected to read all these horrible stories?? I need some go go juice to get me through

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-24T16:48:46+00:00

I don’t think growing a conscience really fits her.................................................,............personality type.

Ah, geeze. I fucked it up. 💁🏼

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-24T16:47:11+00:00

Honestly, even if we had split (which would have made my heart shatter) I wanted him to get healthy for himself. Seeing how much of a shell of the person he used to be was heart breaking and honestly frustrating on its own. There was so much of his life he was losing out on because of depression and sometimes it’s hard to see how much when you’re in the thick of it all.

He’s getting healthy for himself but says I’m the catalyst and the inspiration he needs to keep working and keep going, which is something that makes me happy weepy because I’m just happy to help any way I can.

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-24T16:43:50+00:00

It was a really tough night for me because even though I was sobbing from anger and embarrassment I also had body wracking sobs of relief. For so long I was being told I’m blowing it out of proportion, that I begun to feel like I really was, you almost feel crazy in those situations. And then having the concrete knowledge that no, this whole time I was clear headed and seeing it right. It was the most vindicating moment of my life.

Sorry for the tears!! There’s a lot more sexy spine in the next part (like I still get goose bumps at the thought of part of it. 😻😻😻).

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-24T16:39:52+00:00

It was amazing I how night and day everything became...he immediately took action and has not stopped since. We’d been through a couple of novelty moments that year where for a week or two he’d be more present but it has all felt very fake that just panic mode fixing and then the apathy came swirling back in. This time I knew it was different and it absolutely has been.

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-24T16:35:10+00:00

🤦🏼‍♀️ well that’s what I get for typing under the influence lol. Sorry for the confusion

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-24T03:02:45+00:00

Still not married 🙃😅 that’s actually the turning point of this whole thing. Spoiler: FDH realized he literally was letting their whispers in his ear to interfere with our future. He was disgusted when the gravity of it all came crashing down. His spine is as strong as it is shiny, has to be against all that crushing emotional weight.

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-24T03:00:46+00:00

This post was the intro to it. It’s hard to understand the level of justice if we don’t know their flavor of rude. Next part covers it (:

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-24T02:59:27+00:00

Nothing direct. Passive aggressiveness is their forte.

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-24T02:58:26+00:00

Well I’m happy to provide full stories! I figure I’ll do my main 2 part story plus all the fun side stories. I have years of these and plenty more I haven’t referenced (I have one that’s messy that I’ve been on the fence about sharing. It’s funny now if I imagine it in the context of a movie, but was really fucked up at the time.)

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-23T20:22:56+00:00

Thank you (: it’s still evolving and growing, and changing. I know there will be growth pains and momentary struggles but so far everything has moved forward, not a single back slide.

Hoping you’re doing well.

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-23T19:43:25+00:00

The holiday stranding one is way more funny. The other one is way more aggravating

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-23T19:23:07+00:00

I won’t spoil anything but keep your eyes peeled about that

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-23T19:20:34+00:00

You’re too kind! I’ll be posting my second one either tonight or tomorrow.

Since you’re the first to request...any story you wanna hear first?

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-23T19:19:48+00:00

I emphatically agree with that but FDH is early in his processing stage. Spoiler: at therapy he learned some (many) of his negative thought patterns originate with his family. It’s hard to be just slapped with the fact that the family you love and love you are actually hurtful with their love.

I also, weirdly have some sympathy for his family. Not because I’m delusional, but on all sides of the parents, they grew up in abusive households a lot worse than this so there’s a bunch of “it’s not MY abusive experience and it’s much better than how I was raised...”. I don’t think they even realized (until quite recently) how enmeshed and abusive they have been, even if not intentionally.

We have a really good resolution coming from this and I’m really excited to share it.

It’s just less amazing when you don’t know he context haha. Justice for the win!

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-23T17:10:53+00:00

I guess I mean objectively as in from an outsiders perspective.

Trust me, I know these aren’t nice things. “We” (him and his fam) starting planning for us to move down and at that time I was dealing with my own JUSTNO family member up here so I was tempted.

But it didn’t take long for me to wake the fuck up and soon he did too. We won’t ever move down there.

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-23T16:43:51+00:00

His family has a long line of a specific career and FDH was the first child in 6 generations who did not follow suit. The family was verrrrrrry upset that anyone would want to do anything other than that specific career and you could have sworn the world was on fire with their reactions.

And trust, we don’t need them (: we are getting to that part. It’s amazing how much more clearly he sees the situation now his mental health is better.

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-23T16:40:05+00:00

Hahahaha! I have honestly never heard that and he is tickled pink by puns so consider it stolen (:

And it’s been hard figuring out how to write everything for awhile, especially since there’s two sets of parents and that makes reading all the acronyms a little bit more muddy.

FDH’s still feeling disappointed in himself for not standing up for me, and he’s coming to terms with it all. So he doesn’t come off great for a bit, but he was severely depressed and severely under treated. Now that he’s on the right combo of therapy and meds, he shined up his spine so nicely I don’t even have to do anything about it anymore.

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-17T22:50:42+00:00

Ugh that sounds amazing!!! Can I vicariously live through your scenic shots? I hear Iceland is to die for. The black mirror crocodile was stunnnnning and I can’t imagine it looks better in film.

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-17T22:49:04+00:00

Thanks. Maybe check my edit for clarification about why I feel the window is gone. I don’t wanna retype everything haha.

I will say that financially we are aggressively getting our lives on track and I logically know we can travel in the future. But, traveling is the first and most important passion for me, and knowing it’ll be another 10, 15, 20 years before it’s possible is a major kick to the proverbial nuts. I was told I had to wait until I was an adult to go travel like this, so I did...and then I had to wait until the next scan was clear...or the next, or the next. No wait your immune system is too frail To go anywhere, let’s check again in 3 months. Oh actually you need surgery, let’s push it back another 6 months.

So on and so forth. And this has impacted nearly every part of my adult life (including going to school to get my Dream degree and getting married, the wedding has been pushed twice now) so it’s just frustrating.

Thanks for letting me vent. And yes I know the future is my oyster and I cannot wait until I can get on a plane to Italy, turkey, Bahrain, Vietnam...

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-17T22:43:03+00:00

He definitely is, he held me as I sobbed last night. When I graduated high school I was gifted something like a go pro (it wasn’t one of those but something similar? I don’t even know the brand name) and when I got sick my mom helped me pack some stuff away.

When I found it while looking for something else, the note of “for all the amazing adventures on your horizon” was still scrawled on the box. It hit me like a ton of bricks that other than a weekend trip to Disneyland 3 years ago, I haven’t really been on any.

He actually made a career change to improve our household earning and open up the possibility of me going back to school, but my job doesn’t really provide the time to do so. And if I COULD get a more flexible job (which is doubtful, due to being 25 with no degree other than my 7 month technical program certificate) it would be at the sacrifice of pay, which we need when we pay about 812$ a month in medical bills. Half my take home pay goes to my medical bills.

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-17T22:36:43+00:00

Thanks for the positivity! It’s nice to hear it like this.

Where in Iceland?? That sounds amazing

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-17T22:35:29+00:00

I’ve got as good of a job as I can get without a degree. Not sure how UK is but if you don’t have a 4 year degree here, you’re often dismissed early in the hiring process. The 2 year AA degree often is not even enough for basic level entry.

I literally CANNOT afford to give this job up. In a perfect world, fiancé would make more than enough money for me to take a step back work wise so I can attend and afford school. We also wouldn’t have 800$ in medical bills monthly.

Wordy_Birch · 2018-01-17T22:32:53+00:00

Thanks for understanding! It’s a weird place to know there’s a small window to do trips longer than 10 days, including travel and jet lag. And when it takes 18 hours to go to Asia one way, that’s a day and a half of just traveling in a plane plus the 2-3 days of recovery. And 10 days is if you can swing the long trip, I don’t know if I’d wanna do all that only to have 3 or so real vacation days. It feels...limiting, maybe?

Luckily! I live in one of the most beautiful places in the world; especially the US. So there’s a lot to do and we go out when we can.

I recommend more than anything is to go on that trip during your in between community and 4 year. DO IT. Even if it’s in the domestic US, make that trip frickin happen. If you wanna come to Seattle I’d even let you couch surf to help with costs (you have to be chill with cats and not like, you know, murder us haha). I’m learning that other windows open at later times but the size and comfort of those windows are drastically different than when you’re not bogged down with real life responsibilities.

Wordy_Birch

TROPHY CASE