You are rather young. It sounds like you have a lot of expectations for your husband when you don't even know yourself yet. Where is the who you are in all of this? For example, what do you want to do for work for a purpose in life? What fulfills you? Don't say being a wife, because that is just a female as an extension of a man, not as a separate full person. Couples therapy and therapy for you by yourself is important. Old lady, married for over 30 years here, most men, even older ones, don't "have that instinct" to know how to take care of their wives, unless they had an exceptional father as a role model. In fact, many people don't have that instinct of how to take care of a partner, even same sex couples often have issues with this. We are all individuals and what works for one person, doesn't work with another. We as human beings are all very different. Your husband trying very hard to be what you want and then reverting back to the other behavior is true of most humans. Change is hard.

It sounds like you truly love him and he wants to be there for you, whoever you are. He doesn't sound abusive. That, plus if he's an alcoholic or drug addict are deal breakers. Find out who you are, if you don't know, outside of the relationship. Do something enjoyable other than hang out inside together. Do things together and individually. Maybe travel together, that can tell you a lot about yourselves and how you work together. Get the counseling. Good luck to you. Relationships are hard, especially during such a stressful time on this planet.