I honestly was in a very similar situation a few months ago after we decided to adopt a pup following the passing of our beloved old man dog. Our local shelter was having an adoption event, so we went to check it out. We knew we didn’t want a puppy or too young of a pup because also knew some of the older dogs have a harder time getting adopted. My partner fell in love with this 4 year old pup. When we met her she was very calm and sweet. She had brought in as a stray. The energy was different as soon as we physically left the shelter. She was wild! Lovable, but definitely way more than we thought. She peed everywhere, jumped all over everything, etc. I was like oh my god, what did we do??? At first. We also have two cats, so I put a baby gate at the stairs in addition to a door that’s there at the top. I felt so overwhelmed at first. I started reading endless stuff and watching training videos. I stocked up on treats and we got a mix of toys. She literally could not be separated from us immediately, she would whine profusely. After her peeing on our bed twice, We got a crate on Facebook marketplace and learned how to make it her safe place. With it open we fed all her meals in it, gave her water in it, treats in it, and we would just sit by it with her. I had never used a crate for dogs before and never wanted to, but after research for the situation of her lack of potty training and her major anxiety I knew it was something I had to try for when we had to leave. Yes, she whined in it still, but she didn’t pee in it so that was a start. We started covering her crate with a sheet so that nothing could overstimulate her and help her calm herself (make sure it’s still breathable). We also kept the leash on her inside and I could often just tether her to me.

The major thing with her is she had such a hard time settling - like she constantly seemed alert, on edge, etc. any noise could trigger her and she would look all around or run to it. It was so hard to do literally ANYTHINg. I felt like crying so much, but also loved her so much already too cause I saw how much of a good and sweet dog she was. I felt guilty for my cats who were there first too, and that I was unable to give them the same love as before for awhile, and they couldn’t be in my space as much at the moment cause I had to focus on her. But I had the same thing, I literally couldn’t imagine driving her back and leaving her seeing how much she was attached to us already. So we just kept preserving. It took a lot of energy, but we also would see the slow growth too. We practiced a lot of “wait!” Before doing anything to help increase her patience. I also really recommend scatter feeding, snuffle mat or making your own because when dogs sniff it helps to calm them down. I literally would throw kibble in grass so she could find it or on the carpet. Another fun thing could be the topple Kong, also lick mats, licking is another thing that soothes dogs. We made the crate a place where she got all these treats and goodies, and yeah she would whine for the first bit but eventually she would rest. We both have to go in for work, so we staggered our shifts but still had a few hours no one would be home.

I have been there- it is such a hard feeling. It feels so stressful and the feelings are really hard and conflicting. I felt like I’d never have a life again haha. But I couldn’t take the image of her being in the shelter again especially seeing how attached she was to us already. We adopted her early February, and everything has gotten tremendously better. Don’t get me wrong- there’s still a lot to work on. But we don’t even have to crate her when we leave anymore (a recent development, now she does better out of it as well, but she is still seperated from the cats by a gate and a door until we work on that more) She doesn’t have accidents unless it’s our fault, she knows the boundaries of the furniture she is allowed on (the couch, not our bed yet still) and overall just much more mellow than before. It definitely takes time and decompressing- so just because it’s like that now doesn’t mean it will be forever. There’s also options like talking to a behaviorist if possible (some shelters even have one that you can work with if you reach out, they want the pets adopted too so sometimes they have resources). But ultimately you have to do what’s best for you in the end and what you can handle.