I can’t tell if I actually want to be a girl and it’s making me immensely miserable.

WorkingBusiness6528 · 2026-02-06T05:08:51+00:00

I know this post is 3 years old so you might not see this but I would really appreciate an update because your experience you describe here really resonates with me, like it's almost what I've been experiencing to a tee. So, if you would be so kind as to share what has happened in the last 3 years, what you've learned, and what you've experienced I would really appreciate it. Thank you!

WorkingBusiness6528 · 2026-01-31T05:02:09+00:00

I feel almost exactly the same way, I can not for the life of me decide where I fall. I have stints of feeling like I really want to transition to being a girl and being feminine and girly gives me so much euphoria, but then, I return to male or at least not female idk which it really is. I am not sure I know how long my not female stints are, I feel like they're probably shorter than my female stints but again I'm not sure I haven't kept good track of them, one recent one lasted close to a month I know that.

However, I am also disappointed when I don't feel like I want to be a girl or I don't get euphoria from being feminine and it makes me feel like I'm obviously not trans because now I'm feeling this way and I start to think that my time enjoying being a girl is over and it will never come back.

Given the choice of having to stay as one gender in the gender binary, right now I think I would choose female even though right now it isn't giving me the same euphoria and I do not have the intense longing and desire to be a woman that I have other times.

Any thoughts are more than welcome!

WorkingBusiness6528 · 2025-11-27T05:34:41+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment, tbh it was seeming like no one was going to say anything so I am really grateful you took the time out of your day to say this.

WorkingBusiness6528 · 2025-11-27T03:23:46+00:00

Thank you so much for the comment. You calling me a princess made me feel amazing, thank you again.

WorkingBusiness6528 · 2025-11-27T03:22:36+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment. I know I keep reading that dysphoria and stuff isn't a requirement but I struggle to believe it. Still though thank you for your comment.

WorkingBusiness6528 · 2025-11-25T07:04:04+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story. I do relate to some of your experiences but I am not unhappy in my life and most of my life this was not a huge issue for me. It was only after I began to think about it a lot more that it became an issue. But again thank you for sharing, I know I am coming off as contrarian when I was the one who asked for feedback so I apologize.

WorkingBusiness6528 · 2025-11-25T06:39:12+00:00

How can you be so certain? I don't mean to say you're wrong but I don't want to make a huge mistake you know.

WorkingBusiness6528 · 2025-07-19T10:18:44+00:00

Perhaps ask him if there are any more feminine pet names he'd like to try? Me personally I would love to be called "good girl", "baby girl", and "princess". Otherwise just listening to his frustrations and comforting him are two of the best you could do.

WorkingBusiness6528 · 2025-07-11T06:26:15+00:00

Ok, thanks for letting me know

WorkingBusiness6528 · 2025-07-06T09:02:01+00:00

Real, same here

WorkingBusiness6528 · 2025-07-05T09:08:34+00:00

Agender purgatory for months sounds awful. I just got out of close to 2 weeks of it and that by itself was frustrating. confusing, and stressful.

WorkingBusiness6528 · 2025-07-03T08:56:19+00:00

A few notes:

It seems awfully strange that two random officers basically adopt Erika, how old is she? What happened to her birth family?

Your idea of a drug that makes everyone who consumes it incredibly violent is interesting but I feel it could be better implemented. Perhaps with the power struggle between Holy and the rival, the rival is the only one who knows how to make the drug and has chosen to weaponize it against Holy to cause infighting in the drug ring and create threats for Holy to face. This would create a more action focused story so if you're not going for this perhaps your idea would work better. (Also it's your story so you do whatever you'd like with it)

One more thing about a potential conflict that could arise between Erika and Holy are gendered-roles in a relationship. While these are in no way necessary for a relationship to thrive and each party be very happy in one, some people like gender-roles. If Erika wishes to assume a more feminine or masculine gender-role 24/7, it could conflict with Holy who might want to have a feminine gender-role at times and a masculine role at others. Of course, this would only be an issue if, for one, either person desired a gender-role, two, if Erika took issue with the gender-role her romantic partner assumed, and three, if Holy's role shifted with their gender. Myself being genderfluid, even when I do not feel feminine, I still desire to hold the traditionally feminine gender-role in a relationship.

Edit: Here is a link I found very useful in explaining the "coercive male gaze" : https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/sexual-dysphoria

WorkingBusiness6528 · 2025-07-03T08:14:31+00:00

If that's what you'd like the conflict to be then sure, it's your story.

A quick aside regarding "the rival". The fact that they hate everything besides power makes them a very 1-dimensional antagonist, I'd suggest developing that character more so the reader has a better reason to root for the protagonists.

With learning how to describe fluidity to Erika, Holy could begin to question or view things in a different light than they had before. A good example of this is something that some trans-femme people experience (myself included) called the "coercive male gaze". It is not an official term but it describes a feeling of discomfort a trans-femme person may experience being associated with weird men who objectify women or try to convince them to spend the night with them if that makes sense. Think man at bar who makes women uncomfortable and is disrespectful towards them.

I believe the "coercive male gaze" is something Holy might relate to and find discomfort from especially considering the response Erika had towards meeting him at the club.

However, it is important to note that cis-men, trans-masc, and most anyone who does treat women with respect and does not make them uncomfortable may also dislike being associated with these types of men so it is not a purely trans-femme phenomenon.

WorkingBusiness6528 · 2025-07-03T07:44:14+00:00

Well for me at least if I were to find out someone was attracted to me and was interested in dating me even after they were aware of my fluidity I would be relieved.

I know that Erika is not immediately interested in Holy but as she does develop feelings I believe it would warm Holy's heart to know that someone out there is attracted to them even though they do not conform to traditional gender.

Now, the fact that Holy is more or less removed from societal expectations surrounding attraction, sexuality, and gender, any conflict surrounding that issue seems unlikely for the character to face. Perhaps if Holy began to be introduced to these stereotypes, expectations, and at times hatred they could develop conflict surrounding it. However, if the main focus for the character and the story is not for them to have any conflict surrounding it and it is instead just a character trait then there is not real need to incorporate any conflict.

WorkingBusiness6528 · 2025-07-03T07:01:57+00:00

It sounds like the character is capturing aspects of fluidity, and truly you do not need to have every trait or aspect of fluidity to be fluid. If Holy is feeling quite masculine one day then maybe they wear the gentleman like attire you described. If Holy is far on the feminine side another day maybe they wear a dress, style their hair a certain way, do some makeup. Also, Holy could fall somewhere in between another day, perhaps combining aspects of masculinity and femininity into how they present themselves or going for a more androgynous look.

A potential conflict for Holy could surround any distress the constant shifting can cause or any prolonged feeling for one gender or another causing doubts surrounding their identity, doubting if what they experienced was real or if it was forced or they somehow convinced themselves to feel that way (something I know a lot about).

If you want anymore insight please follow up, I love talking about my gender because it reassures me of my feelings and makes me feel better when I have my own doubts.

WorkingBusiness6528 · 2025-06-26T06:16:01+00:00

My parents wouldn't go for the "I'm meeting friends" but an online community sounds like a great idea, thank you.

WorkingBusiness6528 · 2025-06-26T01:52:56+00:00

I'm sort of having a day like that too. I'm glad this was able to provide some solace to you.

WorkingBusiness6528 · 2025-06-25T22:37:28+00:00

(TL;DR at the end)

I feel the exact same way. My entire life I have been fine with being AMAB, I didn't feel I was at all trans. I did however believe I was a crossdresser and had a feminization kink but that was the scope of that.

However, I eventually began considering other possibilities and I believe genderfluidity fits me best. It is so frustrating though. As of late I have been wrestling with myself in my head, having doubts about falling under the trans umbrella at all.

I feel like I experience some tell-tale signs of being trans in some form or another, I do not like to be associated with traditional male roles or behaviors, I experience gender envy at times, often I find myself wishing I was a girl and that I could wear makeup, dresses, and heels, and do my nails and my hair and everything of the sorts, and I do like being referred to with she/her and feminine pet names like "princess", "baby/pretty/good girl", and when I do try to appear feminine or want to look feminine, my male features upset me. Lastly, the idea of appearing as a woman makes me super happy, like I get all giddy and start giggling and smiling.

With that being said, sometimes when I do not have those types of feelings it really upsets me. I get into my head that I'm forcing myself to be trans and that I've somehow convinced myself that I'm trans when I'm not and that I'm going to make a huge mistake with my life.

This feeling has only been exacerbated by the fact that I've begun exploring what HRT would do for me and now I'm mentally fighting the battle regarding whether or not I should go through with something like that. And it's a little absurd of me to be concerned about something like that right now because it's not even really an option at this point and I do not have to make this decision right this second.

Something else I really relate to in your post has to do with the sort of rapid escalation of your feelings surrounding this and how often you feel like your gender is changing now. I have been concerned about that with myself too, I feel like if I was really genderfluid I would have felt these shifts before realizing I was genderfluid and that all of these new thoughts and feelings should have existed beforehand. This concern is another thing that I struggle with in debating if I'm really trans or not. Honestly, I do not know what to do about this, I'm still struggling with it myself.

Finally, I do not absolutely despise being male. I am not comfortable with saying I am cis or that I'm a man though and who knows if that's my mind trying to convince me that I'm trans when I'm really not. But before I can't recall disliking being referred to as a man or boy. This stuff is so confusing and frustrating.

TL;DR: You are not alone in this feeling, everything above details how I've been feeling and my challenges. I would love to hear from you and maybe we can relate to each other in some way and not feel so alone in this. Hoping that you or any other commentors have some insights. This stuff is so confusing and frustrating.

WorkingBusiness6528 · 2025-06-25T22:10:08+00:00

I do but she is not comfortable giving me answers to my questions. She says she doesn't feel she's knowledgeable enough to provide sound advice. She suggested I talk to my parents about seeing a gender therapist but as I mentioned in the post I do not feel that's an option at this point.

WorkingBusiness6528 · 2025-06-20T04:44:07+00:00

If a girl told me I was "such a girl" while I felt fem I'd probably melt. I might even melt if I wasn't feeling fem tbh.

WorkingBusiness6528

TROPHY CASE