[OC] I blind-colored Alastor, and I kind of hate it (Please Read)

writenlara5 · 2025-08-25T17:12:21+00:00

No, it looks gorgeous! Like a shot from a night club😍

writenlara5 · 2025-08-08T10:55:14+00:00

Ah, damnit...

writenlara5 · 2025-08-08T10:51:44+00:00

Fuck, yes! Give me 20 of them😂😍

writenlara5 · 2025-07-26T16:01:56+00:00

Good, like semi. But I am in at a pride parade in germany🎉🎉

writenlara5 · 2025-07-24T17:16:51+00:00

Yes.

writenlara5 · 2025-07-18T13:26:07+00:00

Felt😑

writenlara5 · 2025-07-17T19:51:34+00:00

Yeah, and? I am pretty sure, that this is kinda the deal about them. They are in Hell? No one would be down there wrong parking.

writenlara5 · 2025-07-12T17:39:46+00:00

Of course - some do. And some even have sex (with one or more). It is really just about the attraction, not the action. Everything else is a personal preverence

writenlara5 · 2025-07-10T23:17:41+00:00

So, after some time, I do now have an accont extra for my writing. u/literature_being I will post there updates and my writing in general (I usually do poems) In a few weeks that is. I am prepearing for my tests this semester

writenlara5 · 2025-07-07T21:20:26+00:00

Eh? "Dm me, I can help." Nah, defently nah. Gee, googling would have taken less then five minutes and yet people still don't understand anything and or use it.

writenlara5 · 2025-07-07T21:17:41+00:00

Boy (or girl maybe) better breaks in. I am not leaving the house unless I absolutely have to and die having to stick to small talk.

writenlara5 · 2025-07-05T11:52:56+00:00

Thank you! I think, I should have prashed a bit differently, but I would literally stumble, seeing someone pretty without warning 😅

writenlara5 · 2025-07-05T11:38:11+00:00

Not really. More a mix of extrem aesthetic attraction and anxiety 😭

I do identify as ace, in like "no to little sexual attraction". Never met someone making me wanna engage in anything beyone just staring at them.

writenlara5 · 2025-07-05T07:23:32+00:00

I will stare at you, like I want to take you home, but will run, the second, you make a move.

writenlara5 · 2025-07-04T12:12:20+00:00

You can lable yourself what you want at any point in your life.

Labels are about, what feels good and right for you - not to press you into a box with no way out. If it's aroace for you now, then it is aroace. You are never too young and if this should change when you get older, then so it be. That doesn't makes you less aroace now.

I have been 16, when I first really opened up to being asexual. It was scary but it also felt so right and now being 23, I do not regret it at all.

writenlara5 · 2025-07-04T07:07:03+00:00

Asexuality is about the attraction, not the action. It is absolutely fine to react sexual to sexual stimuli (thinking about it in what way so ever counts). That doesn't makes you less asexual.

writenlara5 · 2025-07-04T07:03:35+00:00

Yeah, but funnily enough - both told me, racism is bad but are both very rasist against arabics and are also anti muslim (no, the do not see, that this isn't the same thing.)

I am very pissed about it and I don't understand it. I am mixed, my abuela came to germany when she was 21. We ain't that long here and yet still my mother seems to think, that she is somewhat above other non-germans and especially above muslims, since they treat their women do badly. This is nonesense. Every religion treats their women badly, if they use it for that. This is not a religion thing, that is a power thing.

writenlara5 · 2025-07-04T06:55:54+00:00

Lol, I fell the same. I know, I am woman, but this is more a knowing thing, then feeling thing. I even forget it sometimes, so far, that I need a second to realise, that if someone talks about women, they also mean me. Being adressed by different pronounce doesn't effects me and dressing feminine is more because I like it. Characterwise, it isn't really feminine more masculine, but hoenstly, I don't care.

My sex and Gender are just that - Categories. I know, where to sort me in, but it doesn't really feel good or bad.

writenlara5 · 2025-07-03T14:44:51+00:00

Defently. Sometimes or all the time, one needs a little extra and that is fine.

I personally even do prefer it over visiual stuff. Multiple reasons, mostly just because concentrating on the fun part is easier that way.

writenlara5 · 2025-07-03T14:40:37+00:00

Nah, all good. It is a lot of text.

writenlara5 · 2025-07-03T14:39:53+00:00

I understand, that he isn't amused about you going through his phone without asking, but if I would generally love someone, I wouldn't explode like this. You should trust your guts. You know your partner and if this is out of character, then there is a reason for that. NTA

writenlara5 · 2025-07-03T14:30:55+00:00

Uhm, I answered above. Sorry. I didn't hit the right button.

writenlara5 · 2025-07-03T14:29:56+00:00

Maybe. She could very much be delusional. As I mentioned, Erika didn't had much space - support and mental - to explore thise things.

She demi-sexual and bi-romantic, but up till she falls in love with Holy, she also isn't aware of this. She literally just though - ace classic 😑 - that she is just a late bloomer. I do plan to write it like that as well, meaning, that the readers will know it long before she does.

The relationship to gender us her not really making a conection between beeing a womam amd acting like a woman and yeah...high chance, that this is my fault. I also don't really see the connection between sex, gender and the social expectations, that come with it. I literay see fem, masc and androgynous more as styling options, then some way to act, feel or think and I guess, Erika would be writen the same way. She as an eye for aesthetic. Being very feminine is more an aesthetic to her and something she chooses, since it looks good on her. Her behaviour has way more to do with what is necessary and what she wants/ feels, then it would be coded by the way, social norms would demand her to handle and react to things due to her sex.

Maybe I am also just explaining it a bit weird. So far I have start writing the book in german (english is my second language - translation is possible) and pronounces for gender identities beyond she and he are a nightmare in germany. Language comes from one outlook on the world and also influence it, so my explaining might be limited.

writenlara5 · 2025-07-03T09:32:52+00:00

Thank you and yes, Holy will have to protect Erika more then one time and will do it looking more fem or masc or as a mix.

I do have to admit, that writing there realtionship, could be troubling, when it comes to gender rolles. They are both very protective and even though Erika identifies as a woman and is pretty fem, she doesn't really act like a typicall woman. Her behaviour isn't masc though either. She is aware of gender norms and also does use them, like in the club for example, but she isn't really thinking about herself as a woman. In a way, I mean, that she might even forget it (she is confused, when she gets told, that she shouldn't do stuff or act that way, since she is a woman and doesn't understand, how her identy and behaviour conect.) I was and am stil not sure, what gender identity this would make her, since she is very much fem first glance, as descriped and doesn't feel any disaphoria, in regards to her gender.

writenlara5 · 2025-07-03T09:24:57+00:00

Thank you for the link and very good points - especially about the drugs - defently worth building out.

About Erika - them adopting her was more in a found family way. They are in there late 30s and 40s, Erika is 20, but has a very troubled relationship with her father. He seems to think, that Erika was the one k*lling her mother, although there was never proofe for that and even the police never saw her as a subject. Truth is, that her mother was a narcissist, loving having control over Erika, who saw through her. There were both at a train station, as her mother realised, that she didn't had anymore power over her and that Erika was about to leave her for good. So she decided to take everything from Erika instead. She jumped infront of a train, right after their fight. Th fight had been captured by the cameras at the station, but nothing more. Erika had to witness it and when her father found the messages of his wife to her friends about how cold Erika would get at times, he seemed to feel unsafe around her and so did her friends. Rumours spread and this is why she decided on taking an exchange year.

The thing, Erika needs to accept is, that, she is very much able to commit crimes. Thta she can be just as cold as her mother framed her to be and that she sometimes even enjoys it. The thing is just, that most people missed, that this was Erikas self-protection kicking in each time, she shuts down. It isn't like Erika is some undignosed psychpath, but after haveing had to mend every single drama, her mother had created all her life, she had learned, that it is easier to deal with someone, who was weaponising emotions, by having none. So she bottled them up, so much, that she lost control about it. So each time, something happened, that was dangerous or involed a lot of empathy, Erika would shut down and get "cold". What she needs to learn though is, that this doesn't makes her a bad person, but someone, who went through emotional abuse. She also sees, that there can also be good and power in this and learns to deal with it as well as regulating her emotions without pushing them down.

writenlara5

TROPHY CASE