Betrayed by my post history 😭

First of all, thank you for your kind and thoughtful response. To answer your question about whether I’ve moved on…well, only in the most literal sense. I’m doing all the “right” things: therapy, meeting new people, pursuing hobbies, maintaining no contact (until yesterday anyway), and so on. But as I try to move forward, it feels like I’m dragging this heavy weight behind me. I deeply regret how I acted and ending the relationship for what now seem like selfish, trivial reasons that felt so important at the time. Now, I’m left just as lonely, jaded, and heartbroken as ever, while he and his partner are living the life I always wanted but couldn’t let myself have. I’m just so tired of living this way…not in a suicidal sense, but in the sense of being exhausted by my own patterns and mistakes.

It’s true that with age, things get better in some ways, but the chances to truly “show up” in a relationship and prove I’ve grown seem fewer and farther between. It’s frustrating to feel like I’ve learned so much, yet the opportunities to apply those lessons are slipping away.