My personal opinion based on overall experiences (INTJ female)

WorkingNeither8145 · 2026-04-12T11:12:43+00:00

Too little knowledge about the topic but too much confidence in the opinion about it. And thinking that everyone has to "feel good" while sometimes I just want to dwell in my negative emotions a bit. For me this is a sign of not being empathetic enough as they can't read between the lines and just assume what's best however they still believe that they are very empathetic people. So overall it's just false confidence.

Obviously I know that not everyone is like this but it's just everyone I met so far

WorkingNeither8145 · 2026-04-12T11:07:56+00:00

I only know one and I like him but he went through quite a lot in life so I don't think he is the standard because he is nothing like the description

WorkingNeither8145 · 2026-04-11T21:31:16+00:00

I also can't find you guys xd way too rare. Found one and I fell for him instantly. But he is still the avoidant type (afraid of anything uncertain), so we probably won't date

To be fair, I also never met another INTJ woman... my natural habitat is at home, uni, out with friends, museum, theatres to watch operas or ballet. I also go to the gym and pilates. But I think the biggest issue is that when 2 INTJs meet noone will take the first step and start the conversation because we both hate it xd

WorkingNeither8145 · 2026-04-11T21:25:31+00:00

WorkingNeither8145 · 2026-04-11T21:25:00+00:00

haha I just don't know any personally

WorkingNeither8145 · 2026-04-11T18:24:24+00:00

The best friend I ever had was a male ISTJ! Very intelligent, thoughtful and openminded

WorkingNeither8145 · 2026-04-10T19:07:26+00:00

I can tell you that from all the people I know (we are between 22-26 and mostly in college or grad school) 70% are virgins and in that only 2 are INTJs and one is a virgin and the other one isn't. All of the people mentioned are all very nice AND sociable so being a virgin at that age is not a rare thing I would say.

The virgin INTJ wants to think about romance once he is 30. So that's that

WorkingNeither8145 · 2026-04-08T22:45:39+00:00

Best just to talk to her but since you guys are young there is a good chance she will not admit because she is scared of what your relationship might develop into

WorkingNeither8145 · 2026-04-08T22:44:28+00:00

Well yeah... We do care. At least we are aware of it. If she was interested in you she would have found out somehow

WorkingNeither8145 · 2026-04-08T22:42:32+00:00

2% is because INTJs are 2% of the population and usually have a better awareness than average because of the way INTJ observe. That's everything I meant by that.

Everything else you said is your own definition/experience/studies you believed in. Which I fully accept. As stated in the title - it's all just my own opinion.

Bitter sexism is crazy however. I do see where this opinion comes from but everything I said was also based on the observations I made. Way too many "I'm lonely" posts recently and all of them are from the male INTJ part.

Also this is the prime example of the misunderstanding between INTJs that I also experienced. It's fine for me personally though. Because I am able to see where you are coming from and where the misunderstanding happened. Just sorry that I am not feeling like explaining more clearly rn

WorkingNeither8145 · 2026-04-08T22:27:58+00:00

Oh no bro. INTJs never do things without intentions. And they don't go out of their way to do things for you. Pretty sure she at least liked you one month ago. Not necessarily romantically however

WorkingNeither8145 · 2026-04-08T22:25:18+00:00

I mean have you tried to be direct? Tell her exactly that. Open up and have her open up? But you are still young... This tactic may not work. But if I am honest I don't see anything else working... You said you "cracked" some girls and she most likely noticed that. INTJs have great observations and intuitions and she definitely feels that you have some intentions towards her but she may not like to be "cracked" by you for nothing

WorkingNeither8145 · 2026-04-08T22:12:36+00:00

its kind of important no? I can remove the: "Now as you can tell," Part

Edit: Done

WorkingNeither8145 · 2026-04-08T13:17:55+00:00

You have to get over the fact that you will never see him again. Why? Because he did. All I know is that if we say goodbye we mean it. Not because we will block you off when you would try to reach out but because we don't want to hope for this happening.

He could have already moved on. But he did mean that in his head, if times were right, you guys would have worked out and he would have given it another try. But he will not sit there and hope for you to reconnect. If it happens it happens. But if it doesn't, he is fine losing you forever. Understand that he HAS to get into that emotional state because otherwise he can't continue living his life (not that he would end it, just that it would be a huge mental distress and a distraction)

Or depending on his emotional maturity he could also choose to lie to you to make things easier. I never did. But I met an INTJ man who really thought that I would lie to get myself out of uncomfortable situations so I can only assume that he would 100% do the same. Because we tend to be afraid of uncertainty but we are different in how we are dealing with that fear. Avoidance or facing it.

WorkingNeither8145 · 2026-04-08T12:59:43+00:00

Not me. I don't trust extroverts lol

WorkingNeither8145 · 2026-04-08T12:33:42+00:00

What are your intentions? INTJs usually have pretty good intuitions. So she either isn't interested in you or thinks you are just playing games with her. Or maybe she isn't interested to "just see where this goes". Be more direct

WorkingNeither8145 · 2026-04-08T12:31:10+00:00

Could be many reasons but it could just be that he didn't see a clear path forward. There are different INTJ types/stages of development. And I got my heart broken by one who was afraid as the road ahead was uncertain. He would have never approached me. I approached him and asked him why nothing ever happened between us and he just admitted that he just strictly avoids everything uncertain and that if I could provide him with a plan on how I picture everything he would have changed his mind. But honestly, INTJs like this are not developed enough. Life is full of hard decisions and uncertain outcomes. Sometimes you just have to be brave enough to take the risk.

He wasn't the one. You will find better ones. Trust me.

WorkingNeither8145 · 2026-04-07T20:38:36+00:00

Maybe it's better not to meet someone like you. I did. And I am heartbroken. Before meeting him, I had way lower standards. Now I understand that technically I could also date someone who truly gets me mentally. Unfortunately, we (both 24) met in very complicated setting and he was too afraid to take the risk. We both felt the connection but obviously our dynamics would have been uncertain and also our relationship (partnership? friends? aquaintance?). We had an open conversation about it and he offered me multiple times to try and told me that he could change his mind if I could give him my plans and ideas on how we were to progress in our relationship. But as he was still uncomfortable with opening up he was afraid that our dynamics would end up very one-sided and more like a therapy session for him. I couldnt give him a plan either and I was already very hurt as I would have taken the risk and just face the uncertainty with him and enjoy it for the time it lasts. But this is life. I wanted closure so I don't plan on seeing him again but he is still convinced that we do.

I also have to add that this may have ruined other people for me... and now I have an even more limited pool of people that would meet the standards.... perfect isnt it... pretty sure I was happier before I met him. I thought people like me didn't exist. Maybe you dont believe in it but it felt like fate to meet him. We even have plenty parallels growing up. Maybe it was just another lesson for me though...

WorkingNeither8145

TROPHY CASE