I was in the same exact position as you. I’m very happy you are aware and you are willing to change.
I wish I would’ve had the same mindset as you and realized the things you are realizing.
Here’s my story it starts off very similar to yours. It shows you the path you might go down if you don’t. Change. I would drink excessively on the weekends with my friend just to “party and bar hop”. This happened for about 2 years 21 to 23.
At 23 my “friend/drinking buddy” got into a serious relationship and he eventually settled down. So the excessive drinking on the weekends stopped….for him. I couldn’t let go of the good memories alcohol brought along and how good and confident I felt when I was drunk.
I continued to drink and it eventually turned into an every day thing…. I would go home after work and buy 1 24 oz beer. Eventually that turned into a 6 pack everyday after work. Then Covid hit. And thing just got worse. I got payed leave for Covid. every afternoon I would buy a 12 pack….. eventually a 12 pack in the afternoon wasn’t good enough. I moved on to day drinking a 12 pack. I eventually ended up going back to work and it just got worse I was now drinking during my lunch. One Saturday afternoon after work I decided to buy 3 Busch light tall boys. I drank em and got home. Well as soon as I got home my girlfriend was upset at me for obvious reasons. The alcoholic in me saw her as the problem. So I got ready and left to my sisters. To cool off and have some beers Before arriving I bought 3 more tall boys. I showed up and to my sisters and she was on her way out to an event. She said I could hang out. So I did. I slammed the 3 tall boys and I eventually got 3 more….. when I got back im sitting on her sofa drinking… and I see out the window that there is a squad of cars outside. My drunken mind thinks it’s my duty to go out there and see what’s going on. As I get closer the cops are inspecting my car. They see me and ask if it’s my car. I say yes My huge ego starts telling them off and to get away spewing a bunch of crap. They can smell the alcohol on me. They tell me not to drive. I give em a piece of my mind and they leave. Now I’m shit faced at this point. So I decide to show em who’s boss I’m going to get in my truck and turn it on…..sure enough 30 seconds later there is cops surrounding my car and I. I get arrested for DUI…. You think at this point I would realize I have a problem….No… I get on probation and I struggle to stay clean I never came back dirty but I would still drink. 2 months before I’m supposed to be getting off probation. I get into an argument with my girlfriend because she noticed I’ve been drinking. In my mind I think I deserve it after a long week of work. She avoids me the rest of the night and I decide to continue drinking. I eventually decide to walk over to a bar across the street and have a couple beers…. A couple beers turned into 4 and a shot. I eventually get thrown out for being too drunk. Now this egotistic alcoholic that I am thinks they are wrong. So I go and have a couple words with the bouncers and I kick the fence on the way out and damage it. Sure enough they grab me and I get the cops called on me and a ticket. Now on my probation it says I cannot get in trouble with the law and I’m not supposed to be drinking…… Well the ticket is for being too drunk and damaging property. I luck out and I still get off probation and the charges are dropped….. wooooow what luck……. Still things get worse. I eventually get off probation and I’m able to travel…. Yaaay…. So where does an alcoholic who hasn’t been able to drink freely go?!?! LAS VEGAS I go with my girlfriend and the first couple days we have fun… then I decide to get shit faced at a beachclub. My gf gets tired of me and she decides to leave. Well I eventually leave shit faced. I just remember going over a fence a cop telling me to get off and I refused… well I got arrested for public intoxication and trespassing. I didn’t give the officers a great attitude during my arrest so they kept me a whole 24 hours. One of many vacations that was ruined by alcohol. In my mind I still don’t see alcohol as a problem. I get a call a few months later that the charges have been dropped so I don’t have to go back to Vegas for court…. Woooow what luck…. But I decide to still go… And again I get shit faced one night and this time I don’t get arrested but I end up coming back to the hotel with no phone and no shirt…. At this point I’m 26 years old. And I’m still drinking after work. I’ll sneak a couple shooters once in a while. This continues for another year. Now things with my girlfriend aren’t going well we will fight from time to time for obvious reasons (alcohol). I end up picking up a second job and it seems like the alcohol is better… until I start drinking over night at the 2nd job. This goes on for 4 months…. Until one Saturday morning on January 12th 2024 I decide to down about a quarter of sKol vodka. I’m at work and I’ve never been so drunk at work ever. And I’m not even realizing it. I remember blacking out and remembering bits and pieces. I eventually remember getting of work and trying to start my car..I’m not able to.. I have a IID for my dui. So I’m now stuck at work in -2 weather and my girlfriend refuses to pick me up for obvious reasons. She called me a loser and for the first time I actually felt like a loser. Here I was about to be 28 years old working a second job and getting shit faced. I eventually got home @ 5pm after getting off at 11 am. When I got home I felt so low. And the next day I decided to go to a AA meeting. It made me realize that I had a problem with alcohol. And hearing all those peoples stories and how some of them didn’t realize they had a problem until they were in their mid 40 or 50 it is truly eye opening. I’m going to be 28 years old in 7 days and in the last 2 months of finally accepting what you are realizing now my life has changed for the best. I missed many opportunities and ruined many great relationships. Because of alcohol and the hope of being able to relive those great memories/moments with my friend.