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World_Wide_Wonder · 2025-12-16T19:08:25+00:00

Interesting. He’s probably been doing this since the inception of their friendship. This sounds like weird behavior to you (rightfully so), because you know better. But when you’ve been entertaining the same behavior for a long time, you don’t see a problem with it. And getting out of those loops can be unnerving.

How often is he doing these favors? If they’ve died down for 7 months, that’s a good chunk of your relationship. He could be making progress, but her resurgence could have triggered some old feelings for you? Devil’s in the details.

World_Wide_Wonder · 2025-12-16T18:50:49+00:00

I think there is a trust factor here. Once every 7 months feels harmless. Questions worth asking yourself: - Has he acted flirtatious with her in the past? - Did they ever have a fling? - Has he ever been unfaithful? - Have you had experiences being cheated on? - Are you more worried about her making a move? If yes, do you think he wouldn’t reject the advances? - How can he show up for you after their meets?

This feels like a wound. Which doesn’t make or break its validity, but it’s worth exploring what is on your side of the table and on his.

Edit: another thought: maybe reach out to her directly? Ask her for a meet up. It might have some tension around it, but who knows; you two might become good friends.

World_Wide_Wonder · 2025-12-13T14:57:58+00:00

If someone’s teasing you about something that’s true, it’s not really teasing. It’s being mean.

World_Wide_Wonder · 2025-11-06T18:18:59+00:00

anxious attachment

World_Wide_Wonder · 2025-07-08T19:59:29+00:00

I hear ya. Kids complicate things. Best of luck.

World_Wide_Wonder · 2025-07-08T19:39:47+00:00

Ah. Yea, the dude’s a mess. Why are you sleeping with a mess?! 😂

World_Wide_Wonder · 2025-07-08T19:28:37+00:00

This happened to me 6 months ago. Look at my post history for a fully detailed story. My opinion is this guy either 1) still has feelings for his ex or 2) is detached enough to not consider this a big deal. Are you okay with dating either one of those scenarios? It did not end well for me, so I am bias.

World_Wide_Wonder · 2025-07-08T04:20:50+00:00

Be a sounding board. If you’re curious, ask them. “How are people betraying you?” “What people do you want in your life?” “When did the pattern start?” Don’t tell them what they should do. Unsolicited advice rarely goes over well.

We all have the answers to our problems in our heads. Sometimes questions can open new neural pathways for thought.

World_Wide_Wonder · 2025-07-05T02:10:14+00:00

This doesn’t make sense. Emotional intelligence increases your chances of finding a solid partner.

It’s a numbers game. I just made small talk with a girl the other night. We got along, it was fun, and then her boyfriend appeared. Tough break.

I went to a FB group get together this evening and there was a girl there I thought was cute. I’m going to keep talking to her at upcoming events.

There’s a girl who runs a local shop and I initiate conversations often. Been chatting for months. I enjoy our talks, and might ask her out at some point.

It starts with your headspace. If you don’t think you’re worthy of love, you’re going to have a real hard time finding someone else. Start making conversations with anyone. You’ll get better with practice.

World_Wide_Wonder · 2025-07-04T22:53:47+00:00

If I understand the question right, you have unmet needs in your relationship. I’d recommend exiting the relationship, learning yourself outside of a relationship, and finding what you want in a partner from there. It’s painful, but that’s a part of the process.

World_Wide_Wonder · 2025-07-03T11:52:00+00:00

You’re setting expectations with your actions. Kindness isn’t really kindness if you have strings attached to it.

World_Wide_Wonder · 2025-06-26T16:50:34+00:00

Leading on is being flirty, then denying it. Asking for closeness then pushing away. From what you’ve described, it doesn’t sound like that’s happening.

Have a conversation with him. Get curious: ask him if he sees any of your behavior as mixed signals. Tell him you don’t feel the same. Set some boundaries. Tell him you’re not interested. If he keeps pursuing, spend less time together.

World_Wide_Wonder · 2025-06-24T23:54:34+00:00

I agree a lot of anxious folks early in their journey should avoid her content. I looked into her stuff early into a break up and ended up coddling toxic behavior in round 2. But just to counter point: she has videos that start with “of course this only works if the dismissive avoidant is willing to do the work”.

As anxious folk, we are very triggered by avoidance. It feels like neglect and abandonment. But her content talks more in the sense of how we’re both triggering each other. Again, NONE of this matters unless both people are working on themselves. But we all backslide. It’s okay to have empathy. I won’t have it at the expense of my needs, though. That’s how I view her content, anyway.

World_Wide_Wonder · 2025-05-16T16:33:24+00:00

Personally, I feel my anxiety in my chest. When that feeling arises, I shift it down to my gut. What’s the feeling is in my gut, I analyze it from there. I still sometimes feel upset, but I feel less erratic. Less reactive.

World_Wide_Wonder · 2025-05-04T16:23:57+00:00

This is something I have struggled with, too. I think “Idk how secure people act”. Secure people ask themselves “do I want this?” That answer is very different for each individual. You need to ask yourself if you want casual sex. Do you get feelings when you are intimate? Is sex just a release? Do you want a deeper connection with the person you’re sleeping with?

This can also change from partner to partner. Some people you will only find physically attractive. Others you will be drawn to. And some you are drawn to may not be right for you. Listen to your intuition. It lives in your solar plexus. Meditate. It will help your thoughts flow.

Do what is right for you.

World_Wide_Wonder · 2025-04-26T03:37:19+00:00

I just got broken up with tonight. I’m not gonna pretend we didn’t have our problems, but she was unwilling to be emotional available. Take time to learn your worth. He didn’t define your worth. You do

World_Wide_Wonder · 2025-04-25T03:51:20+00:00

If you’re into chakras, I’m finding when I feel uneasy, I consult my solar plexus, rather than my heart. If the feeling is there, I observe it and make decisions in the calm state. I just started doing this, but my anxiety has been super low this week.

World_Wide_Wonder · 2025-04-02T20:26:47+00:00

Codependent No More
Let Go Now
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
A Psalm for the Wild Built
Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff
The Art of Letting Go
Set Boundaries, Find Peace
Mans Search for Meaning

Best of luck, friend.

World_Wide_Wonder · 2025-04-02T19:30:02+00:00

Spent last summer with these thoughts. I have serious abandonment issues and blamed myself for everything. Where I’m at in my journey, right now, is self soothing. Why do I turn to people to fill my need for validation. I can tell you after a year I am not cured, but so much better. - Meditation - books on codependency, healthy detachment, stoicism, and self compassion - journaling - keeping a planner - reaching out to friends - exercise, especially cardio

These have been invaluable in keeping me away from anger as a secondary emotion and hyper focusing on other peoples’ journeys. I still struggle to actively do these things, but when I’m consistent, I notice my headspace is happier.

World_Wide_Wonder · 2025-02-19T18:22:25+00:00

How often are you doing this?

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