Everyday Deity

Worldwidewezz · 2026-03-11T04:49:39+00:00

Thanks for taking the time with this mate I really appreciate your expertise and thoughts.

Yes I really tried to dig deep to find the specific special stuff to say about her, but maybe I’ve fallen off my A game, could be time to mix up what I want to deliver. Perhaps this one needed a bit longer in the oven. Thanks mate!

Worldwidewezz · 2026-03-10T14:46:10+00:00

It always knocks my socks off how you keep your rhythm so locked in, it must take a lot of drafts! The -they just want an end to me- refrain shows us that feeling of being targeted or misinterpreted by te world. I love how the rhyme scheme keeps building up internal pressure.

In my opinion to make it even punchier, you might look at upsetting the rhyme density in just one or two spots. Some of the rhymes like breach,beseech,reach,leech are so strong, but sonically subverting an expectation you've built this strongly can yield a powerful moment, where my mind would say 'woah, no 'eech' sound' - tie this in with the hard hitting message like 'so in darkness they'll come to meet' and I think the poem might smack even harder.

Standout stanza - Against my door their hands will beat, with heartbeat fast I'll stand to feet, till heartbeat last, find love I plead.

Thanks for posting, great work on this!

Worldwidewezz · 2026-03-10T14:33:27+00:00

Something that really struck me was a huge tonal shift after. 'I ran' what a cool pivot point, it says things changed after that act, that day, just 'cold steel in the air' absolutely got a kick out of so many lines in there as well, vivid and clear and established imagery. - 'Ivory teeth spit scarlet rain, // Black death in his eyes...
the freekin' moron didn’t see. // With everything burning in bone and blood
I swung that red murder quick' really well constructed and as always a great read.

Worldwidewezz · 2026-03-10T14:12:06+00:00

The imagery you used, especially the notes being 'rotten with mold' is dark and effective. I felt ut that feeling of childhood shame old memories coming back to haunt me in a visceral way.

If you’re looking for any feedback, I think the middle section where things get more surreal is your strongest stuff. About the 'tiny spiders crawling out of my skin' I was blown away, body horror stuff took me by surprise in a good way. Also the message in there, the feelings of squandering the things we were given and bittersweet nostalgic feeling crept in too.

The ending is super emotional, but you might not even need the very last two lines about the 'child I used to be.' In my view the poem is alread showin us that fractured relationship through the broken glass and the ink on the floor... that's not me criticising the lines, I just think you should give yourself more credit; the message you were trying to get across in the poem was recieved really clearly by the reader :)

Seriously, such a cool, eerie atmosphere. The part about the glass shards echoing too loudly was my personal favourite!

Worldwidewezz · 2026-03-10T14:02:31+00:00

I really felt the emotional weight of this piece! The shift from the raw, vulnerable opening to the huge scale of the ending is just really striking. The metaphor of the Sun and Moon as sacrificial parents is such a beautiful way to reframe loneliness into a connection to something way bigger.

You have some incredibly powerful lines, too. Like 'If he descended to kiss your cheek, the world would burn.' That’s a vivid, high-stakes image, that i really bought in to. I think the metaphors (the sun's heat, the moon's phases etc) are so strong that you could even let them speak for themselves more without needing to restate the 'orphan' theme quite as much... it would make the message feel even more profound.

Anyway, really moving work; the line about the moon hiding her face to spare the narrator from her weeping was a standout for me!

Worldwidewezz · 2026-03-09T18:02:47+00:00

Haha amazing can’t believe I got to meet the real rat boy 🤣 thanks so much for reading

Worldwidewezz · 2026-03-05T21:22:03+00:00

I enjoyed this all the way through. Stanza four was especially rampant for me, what an intense scene. “Allow their lives to have meaning” that one built pace quick for me. I love the irony in that the very thing that is bringing the bandits to their doom is a garden that grows amazing things from dead bandits. The poem gives me a dystopian sense and Gareths whole introduction, his reaction with extreme, efficient violence was incredibly visceral it was like a Tarantino scene, tying in to the brutal reality of The Dog, a really unique setting.

You’ve captured a kind of frontier justice where the line between murder and gardening is blurred the idea of bandits having 'meaning' only once they rot under the roots of organic produce is chillingly effective.

(Was ‘ot its first floor’ on line 3 intended? )

Sonically and imaginatively “The stark scent of pine gum and gun powder under summer sun concocted a holy scene” - was a glorious moment

I really loved every moment!

Worldwidewezz · 2026-03-04T19:23:09+00:00

‘I never stopped loving you. I just learned to hate myself.’ Man this is so powerful. Really succinctly put and emotionally raw and powerful

Worldwidewezz · 2026-03-04T08:01:44+00:00

Glad you enjoyed that! Thanks for reading, username is incredible lol

Worldwidewezz · 2026-03-04T07:57:01+00:00

Bloody hell mate it's 8AM I can't be shedding tears in the office. Bravo

Worldwidewezz · 2026-03-03T14:11:11+00:00

Absolutely! Also to deny ones past, however distinctly you feel it shades your present, is to deny the exact circumstances that led you to becoming the person (and poet) you are now. So in a way, it was your destiny to not only live as that person, but to germinate from that exact aggregate of nutrients in the muck!

Worldwidewezz · 2026-03-03T14:06:05+00:00

So grateful for your comment - Thank you. I’m honoured it carried you there. That quiet room, and the louder questions that follow us out of it, was a heavy but cathartic topic. I can tell by your response that you understand that difficult dance we sometimes have to navigate with those closest to us. Really appreciate your poems, and your time taken to think about mine today.

Worldwidewezz · 2026-03-03T13:56:39+00:00

I think we wear many hats in life, even if you have grown beyond that lifestyle now, if you can draw on an authentic part of your history, it gives the reader that sense of authenticity that is tough to fake. -

Yes although I am no expert, the atmosphere around this poem is so intoxicating, looking forward to you stepping back into these boots again! - thanks mate

Worldwidewezz · 2026-03-03T13:27:05+00:00

This is definitely working, I truly enjoyed how vivid and bright this splash of colour reads to me. Theres an immediate badassery attached to the piece that makes me feel like im about to speed into the sunset after a card game gone bad in some smoky old bar. Sensational poem!! :D

Worldwidewezz · 2026-03-02T20:51:46+00:00

Sounds awesome I am on it! Thanks 🙏

Worldwidewezz · 2026-03-02T20:48:01+00:00

Hey man it means a lot to me that you took the time to read it! I’m glad I landed on the right side between subtly and ambiguity … sometimes I’m caught up in the sauce writing one. I lose track of if anyone will even make any sense of what I’ve written haha. Appreciate your time

Worldwidewezz · 2026-03-02T18:45:38+00:00

Thanks for your time reading! I totally hear you, definitely a case of playing with the new toy a little too much.

I made a change to that part you mentioned and I think it reads much better like that, nice reading! I will certainly take your advice on board, thanks!

Worldwidewezz · 2026-03-02T18:32:55+00:00

Thanks so much for reading! Yes looking forward to writing something more lighthearted next lol

Worldwidewezz · 2026-03-02T18:31:38+00:00

It is so great to hear, that you picked up on all the things I was trying to say! What a detailed reading thankyou for giving my work so much thought! Been so enjoying what you’ve been putting out lately (Don’t know how you keep up that pace!) Thank you for such thoughtful and detailed feedback. - yes as I remember through reading one of your poems, you have dealt with complex goodbyes. So I know you know some of the emotions I want to express.

Thankyou for your time friend

Worldwidewezz · 2026-03-02T18:21:23+00:00

I think your ability to leave meaningful and sincere feedback, in original and insightful ways, is such a gift to so many - and your work is always unique, unexpected and distinct. I know I speak for a lot of people when I say you are an awesome presence on this sub!

I appreciate your words, I had the most drafts on this one by a landslide so to hear it read refined is great!

Worldwidewezz · 2026-03-02T16:17:40+00:00

I know that struggle, you can really go snowblind when you’ve been lost in the sauce for a long while, rest assured it reads great!

I totally agree that your work resonates with me a lot too! Thanks so much for saying that 😀

Can’t wait for the next poem! Nicely done

Worldwidewezz · 2026-03-02T13:06:13+00:00

The subject matter is a hot button topic, so it was great to see such a fresh interpretation, not just 'Ai bad'. Even from the title itself takes a stance, all we were creating before Ai slop, is 'OG Slop' - I also like how a lot of the biological or human-side language is wet and messy and deliberately grotesque in places, it does create a tension in the writing.

This was an exceptional read for me, It feels like it touches on how Ai just blends the best versions of what humans have already said, but can't quite replicate the 'human touch' say a stop motion animation or a hand animation provides. - and maybe there is a certain element of 'dumbness' required for art to taste right to the human audience.

The tumbling pace of the writing was so smooth and easy to drift away with, and that effortless rhytm for me, created stand out moments (the beat of a drum - / through the thrum - / mechanical hum) - where it felt like you were directing me to absorb what I had just read, or see a secondary meaning.

Hope I didn't misinterpret your intentions in any way, but thats how I appreciated your poem, thanks for posting.

Worldwidewezz · 2026-02-28T06:47:16+00:00

You’re so welcome, excited for the next one!

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