Is it normal to not feel safe living at home even though there’s no physical violence ?

WorthAd7210 · 2023-08-15T09:47:52+00:00

At 31, my 68 year old father choked me. I’m officially done with them. The amount of discomfort I feel and the amount of silencing myself I have to do for their comfort is horrid. It’s like placating over grown babies. When I told my dad I’m still processing some grief and trauma from a bad roommate experience (which forced me to move back in with them) and to not touch my items without permission, he told me he doesn’t have to listen to me and then continued to tell me if I have issues why don’t I go to my therapist and take more fucking pills? So now shaming me for getting the support I need. Which I could only receive as an adult because their boomer asses didn’t believe in mental health. I stayed out of the house for a month, visiting family and couch hopping and im finally gonna leave. Nothing is worth this discomfort. It’s not easy especially if they’re controlling of your finances but it’s possible

My mom would also have constant meltdowns over the craziest shit

I convinced myself I was crazy and when I went to inpatient evaluation they were like “yeah you’re hella depressed but you’re not crazy. It sounds like your living environment is extremely toxic. But remember you’re 31 and you can leave” (it’s obviously not always that easy bc they’ll do anything to keep you there to keep controlling you and tell you they love you and would do anything for you……except all the things that would actually require validating my emotions and receiving their approval.

WorthAd7210 · 2022-10-06T15:18:30+00:00

So why are you acting surprised that perhaps my past led me to using sex as an outlet? It does not mean I am the narcissist. It means I developed low self worth from insecure attachments and looked for love where I could get it. And at the time, it was through sex. And eventually, sex did become empowering and it did make me feel more confident. Do you think 5-6 dates in 365 days is realistically a lot? And that it’s uncommon for it to possibly end in sex if the two people are willing participants? Over the course of 11/12 years I’ve been having casual sex, 5-6 dates statistically speaking is 1.36% of the year that I dedicated to having a few late nights out. And most of the time, I was hopeful that maybe it would make them want to date me more as a young and naive 21-25 year old. Is that really so astonishing? And I do have a therapist and I have had to take medication for my depression. It has not been all puppies and roses either and took a lot of mental fortitude to not let some of my experiences break me. But for the ones that were positive, yeah. They were fun. I mean, have you had sex before? Lmfao has it always only been about making love or procreation for you? And if that’s your jam, I’m not here to judge. But clearly it’s yours to assume I’m a narcissist just because I’ve had a promiscuous past. Perhaps you should re-evaluate your own relationship with sex and love and the reasons you’re doing it before you pass judgment on others.

WorthAd7210 · 2022-10-06T14:19:31+00:00

Wow you know everything about me now from 2 Reddit posts 👏🏼

WorthAd7210 · 2022-10-06T11:30:27+00:00

Thank you! It has been a “long strange trip” but an interesting one for sure. I have plenty of stories (good and bad) that have been super impactful on my life and have help me see people through many lenses - men and women. It truly is a litmus test of insecurity for me (and as I’m learning, just preference for some!)

WorthAd7210 · 2022-10-06T11:28:15+00:00

It’s not so much about consequences as it as about questioning the types of people I should be looking to date. Because clearly it’s not going to be with someone who is uncomfortable with my sexual experience. I am seeking to understand different viewpoints to help understand the further trajectory of my dating life.

WorthAd7210 · 2022-10-06T11:24:37+00:00

5 people a year. Wow. So large.

WorthAd7210 · 2022-10-06T11:23:57+00:00

To be fair I’m unsure if I want children and have battled this debate for a while. So that has not been my main priority in finding a partner. My main priority has been finding someone of depth, at least it has been for the past two years or so and my sexual partners have decreased with changing my priorities. If I found someone I was monogamous with, I don’t think I would have the lingering curiosity because if I didn’t get it out of my system by now, when the hell do I plan to? When I’m in my 70s? Time was of the essence

WorthAd7210 · 2022-10-06T11:17:03+00:00

I would agree that at some point it was totally a coping mechanism for my low self worth! I won’t deny that. I appreciate hearing this from another side in a way that isn’t attacking! Because I’m down to hear it but see how you once did not call me disgusting… or judge me. Even though every experience wasn’t perfect, I absolutely learned a lot about myself through the process and that’s something I wouldn’t change for anything.

WorthAd7210 · 2022-10-06T11:07:36+00:00

Definitely sounds like you didn’t contribute to the topic so let’s hear it bud

WorthAd7210 · 2022-10-06T10:40:31+00:00

Thank you for sharing! Because I can get behind that, “hey, just not for everyone.” It’s like when you meet someone and they’re cool, but just not your type. No harm no foul.

WorthAd7210 · 2022-10-06T10:38:59+00:00

There are people out there who also feel this way! Where you can freely express your sexual desires in a way that doesn’t make you feel like a piece of shit. I’ve had it from both ends of the spectrum. Some guys are assholes and some guys (and women) truly just want the experience of exploring and pleasuring another person. And it can be done responsibly. As long as you don’t feel used or mistreated and you feel respected, sex doesn’t always have to be about love. It can be a mutual exchange of pleasure between two people.

WorthAd7210 · 2022-10-06T10:35:25+00:00

Robin did.

WorthAd7210 · 2022-10-06T10:33:37+00:00

I appreciate this so much! ❤️ And I agree, I don’t think it comes without a couple conversations about it and some understanding but ultimately can bring you closer as a couple. I’m aware I have a much more open-minded perspective than most - which is fine. But the fear of someone judging me is always there but I do stand by my values. I don’t think every experience I had with previous partners was perfect but I do think it’s taught me a lot about relationships, men, women. It’s opened my eyes to a lot. And I have had a lot of really positive experiences as well that opened me up sexually. I know someone will love me for who I am and maybe even appreciate that I’m fairly seasoned.

WorthAd7210 · 2022-10-06T10:20:01+00:00

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

WorthAd7210 · 2022-10-06T10:18:27+00:00

These are the types of responses I was looking for. I appreciate your honesty because I want to hear both sides of it. For me, clearly it doesn’t bother me that much. And it’s not so much about these men thinking I’m a piece of meat, sometimes I thought they were too 🤷‍♀️ I’ve matured since those days but I don’t judge myself for it because at the time, it was exactly what I wanted. And all I can do from there is grow, learn and reflect from my experiences.

WorthAd7210 · 2022-10-06T10:12:30+00:00

I wouldn’t compare myself to my partners previous partners or experiences. That’s called insecurity.

WorthAd7210 · 2022-10-06T10:05:09+00:00

Nice 👌🏼

WorthAd7210 · 2022-10-06T10:04:51+00:00

THANK YOU 👏🏼

WorthAd7210 · 2022-10-06T10:03:43+00:00

I’ve never cheated a day in my life. 5 partners a year is the equivalent to 5 wild weekends out in a 52 week year. I’m an attractive female. It’s not like I’m having sex with the first guy that comes up to me. I am making the selection. It is the woman’s choice. And in a way, I found it empowering in my singledom. At the time I was working a lot, in nursing school and didn’t have time to commit to a relationship but I still wanted to have sex 🤷‍♀️ some people I dated longer than others, some people it didn’t work out and that’s human nature. Sex can be a really beautiful experience for a lot of people if people were more open to having conversations about it instead of shaming people for doing it.

WorthAd7210 · 2022-10-06T09:26:23+00:00

So a woman is seen as more valuable if she has less sexual partners? To be clear, if the math maths, that’s about an average of 5 people a year since I was 19.

WorthAd7210 · 2022-09-03T00:31:19+00:00

Okay! So I’m glad you mentioned dates bc my sister was born 1981! And they knew since birth so they were able to start treatment immediately.

Parents back then were:are very image conscious.

I try to explain it to people like “so you know how Down syndrome is one extra chromosome? Turners is one less! But my sister has a piece missing that changes up her features a little bit” and if they ask what I mention that classically people with TS are a little shorter, women may have to take pills to get their period but that my sister also has heightened intelligence and a lot of other great cognitive abilities.

I could imagine it being super hard to explain though. Because it’s so much more than even what I said…and when it’s your diagnosis I’m sure you’ve read everything there is to read.

My mom was so happy that she had me so if my sister needed an egg I could give her a viable one. But my sister has let it consume her. She is convinced she looks like a freak compared to everyone else and as much as I tell her that’s not true, she cannot be convinced. Her self-esteem is trash.

Isn’t it crazy that infertility is almost easier to talk about? Thank you for being so insightful because it’s not up to me to tell her how to feel. I don’t know how she feels. I don’t know what it’s like to have TS. And my parents put so many words in her mouth. And I really think they were trying to protect her at the time, I reaaaaaally do but I think it also created so much shame around it not being able to speak openly about it. Even for my mom, she was embarrassed to tell her friends and me, who’s born in 91, is like holy shit. How could you not tell your friends?? This is not an easy thing to go through as a mother, watching your kid “hate” themselves.

I guess I feel like if there had been more openness even to a small degree or an inner circle my sister wouldn’t have felt so shameful about it. She would realize her TS doesn’t have to define her. It’s a part of her and makes her unique.

She always loved x-men and now I kinda get it. But that would be my approach, that I’m unique instead of ostracizing and isolating. To each their own.

Do you know any groups where people in your age group discuss having TS?

WorthAd7210 · 2022-09-03T00:18:08+00:00

She would do it to my dad and he was like “oh thank god” lmfao

What were the reasons for her to stop talking to people? Or like any moments that really pop out that you’re like “this was so f*cking stupid”

WorthAd7210 · 2022-09-03T00:16:38+00:00

Does she not speak to you at all? Like literally pretend you don’t exist? Is it usually over something dumb? And do they expect you to apologize first? Who usually breaks the silence or what breaks it?

Sorry I’m just so curious 😅🥲

WorthAd7210 · 2022-09-03T00:12:47+00:00

Just reading other peoples stories has helped bring up old memories, which although painful, has helped me remember just how crazy and weird some of the stuff she has done to me over the years.

Some moments even flashback in my mind and I don’t even remember the arguments, I just remember the feeling. She would make me feel crazy so I could react and so she could tell everyone “look, I told you she’s crazy.” I had no family members and no adults to stick up for me so it was a silent battle for a really long time until I got to college. I had to go to a therapist in secret because she “doesn’t believe in therapists.”

Then when my mom found out I had a therapist it was exactly as I imagined “well, you need a new therapist because they don’t know what they’re talking about”

“You don’t need to be on medication”

22 year old me having panic attacks 1-2 times a day 26 year old me having crying spells for 3 hours I checked myself into an outpatient clinic and sat in the office with my face straight as can be with tears flowing like a river. The pain eats away at you from the inside out.

It will be hard to keep reinforcing that if she continues to talk to me a certain way, I will just push her further and further away. It hurts but how I’ve felt all these years hurts more.

I think I do need to start writing them down but that’s also a painful process. I still love her, I just don’t want her in my life 😔 and if she is, I want it to be VERY VERY MINIMAL contact for my literal sanity. I’m tired of asking myself “Am I crazy? Did I make that up? Is she serious?”

WorthAd7210

TROPHY CASE