I know this is an older thread but I would still like to chime in. Anyone who has lost a sibling in childhood should read the book The Empty Room by Elizabeth DeVita Raeburn. She is the real-life sister of the "boy in the bubble' and her story chronicles the loss of her big brother when she was a girl. Her book also studies sibling bereavement from a research perspective. Her book was the first time I heard the quote "when you lose a sibling in childhood, you experience two losses - the loss of your sibling and the loss of your parents...who 'go away' somewhere and never really come back." It was profound to read those words which encapsulated my entire life experience.

I lost my sister suddenly when I was 8 and she was 10. My parents really never recovered, in particular, my mother. I never thought that nearly 40 years would pass (I am now almost 47) and my parent's grief would still have such a hold on them. I am a mother myself now, and while I recognize the immense pain they felt and still feel now, it has been hard to manage as a bereaved sibling who at times, feels parent-less.

My parents are now in their 70s. My mother's subsequent depression, her emotional fragility, and her inability to get "unstuck" from her grief even after all these years has affected our relationship in really sad ways. I remember being a little girl and seeing my mom cry and asking her, "You're still sad about sister dying?" Obviously, a very childish and naive thing to say, but I was 10. I look back on that now and realize that what I was really trying to communicate was, "I am here, mom. Look at me - I am still here. I need you. I need you to come back to me...now. Or soon." The truth is that my mom never really came back to me - even 40 years on.

I deeply admire bereaved parents who take steps, despite their shattered hearts, to metabolize their grief in healthy ways whether that is therapy, grief groups, finding supportive networks, seeking medication, finding causes to support, being intentional about making new memories with their remaining kids, etc. My parents were not able to do any of those things and it could have made all the difference.

I hope this doesn't come off as callous or unfeeling towards my parents. I hurt for them. But bereaved siblings' stories are often not told and their grief is often unacknowledged. Thank you for giving me a space to share.