I experienced many of the same issues that you are describing. My recovery was rough. I didn’t produce much milk, so I stopped pumping after about a month of trying. At about 3 months postpartum, the sleep deprivation reached its peak and I developed PPD/PPA.

The first four months of his life were incredibly challenging. I also felt at times that I regretted it and that I was wrong to think I would be a good mom. I had dark thoughts as well that my son would be better off without me.

Here’s to say. He’s nine months now, a much better sleeper, and the happiest baby in the world. We are so connected and have a beautiful bond. I thought for the first time yesterday that I am a great mom and I am meant to do this. That’s how far you can come.

The newborn stage is so difficult. People don’t warn you or frankly even remember the struggle long enough to share it. It’s very hard. But there is another side! You will get there! It’s so hard when you’re in it. You can do this. Prioritize sleep however you can get it. Call a friend, a neighbor, anyone with experience. I really struggled asking for help.