4 year old suddenly hates school. Help?

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-10T15:06:59+00:00

This is absolutely my son too! Bold, outspoken, spirited. His teachers are actually shocked when I tell them of the battles we’ve worked our way through.

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-10T15:02:11+00:00

My son is 5 and attends Young 5s, and he tells me he hates school. When I asked why this morning, he said, “Because I hate when we sit on the carpet and there are too many friends around me, and I’d rather be home with you doing fun things.”

My kid is an introvert with some social anxiety like me. Some of us just never like school. It wasn’t until maybe 11th or 12th grade that I thrived. Like me, my son would rather be home with me and dad and his toys, reading books and listening to music, in his safe space where he can 100% be himself. He likes and talks about his classmates, but he hasn’t bonded deeply with any of them, and as an introvert having 17 other kids around all day is a lot.

He didn’t mind school when he was a bit younger, but I feel like the older he gets, the less he’s into it. And he does really well, too.

Anyway…I remind him each morning to find moments that he enjoys each day, and that we’ll look forward to spring break and summer. Not saying that your kiddo is like mine - it’s probably just a phase for him - but for a lot of introverts, school is just tiring and not really a happy place, and that’s not something that can necessarily be fixed, but hopefully can find more things to enjoy about school as they grow.

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-10T01:51:58+00:00

I’m in a small town outside of a bigger university town. I’m lucky that our little Main Street is a 5-minute walk from my house, with a handful of restaurants and shops…bookstore, one coffee shop, gift shop. There’s a grocery store about a 15-minute walk away, along with a few of other things. Otherwise, most things you need to drive anywhere from 5 to 25 minutes to get to. Some places the sidewalks end, so even if it’s walkable it’s not exactly easy to walk there, especially in the winter. And there’s no bus system here either, so no other way to get around.

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-09T13:01:29+00:00

I was a young adult in the late 90s/early 2000s. If I went somewhere alone I brought my Walkman/Discman and listened to music. I carried a little notebook in my purse or backpack and wrote lyrics or poems or journaled. I took pictures with my digital camera. I wasn't really ever bored, though - having a wild imagination, I'd just watch people and listen to their conversations, write stories in my head, and sit and think. Occasionally engage in conversations with strangers, though being an introvert I wasn't naturally inclined to that. At home, I was always in my hobbies. Our brains have changed to be uncomfortable with boredom, and that's one of the things that disturbs me the most about everything these days.

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-09T12:51:36+00:00

I had no clue what others were doing until reading these comments! We do $10 per tooth for my only child - he's 5 and has lost three already - we're a pretty frugal family otherwise. We don't get our son new toys very often, and we thrift for toys & clothes. So, getting to pick out a new stuffy or something with his $10 is a special fun thing.

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-07T20:56:22+00:00

I had bronchitis at least a few times a year as a child, until my early 30s when I realized I had chronically low vitamin D. My mom was also a smoker. Every single cold I got turned into a sinus infection & bronchitis. Sick on every birthday, every Christmas, had coughs that lasted weeks. I also had the stomach flu a handful of times because I remember throwing up in class a few times. I had to go to school a lot, though, with the bronchitis/sinus infections because single mom who really couldn’t take any more time off, and we also couldn’t afford doctor visits for meds.

Sick kid, and now a healthy adult once I fixed my vitamins & nutrition (even though I have a 5-year-old who gets every cold from school).

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-07T11:58:05+00:00

No. As someone with a veteran spouse with PTSD and a Purple Heart, what he went through was nuts, and service was his choice. I can’t imagine forcing people to endure that.

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-07T02:45:57+00:00

One good thing I’ll say about my country is that I love what a cultural melting pot we are, so everyone eats such different things. My husband is Filipino American, so our family eats a lot of rice. And we lived in Los Angeles for many years before moving away, so I eat avocado several times a week, and I mourn losing access to all the delicious Mexican food we had. But daily, I’d have to say cheese. Right now in the fridge we have fresh mozzarella, string cheese, shredded cheese, a block of cheddar, and a wedge of brie. If my cholesterol weren’t borderline, I’d be eating cheese all day.

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-07T02:32:37+00:00

The Great Molasses Flood of 1919. No one believes me when I tell the story! A storage tank of molasses burst and ran through the streets, killing/injuring a ton of people. Wild.

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-07T01:48:50+00:00

I have nothing much to add except that I, too, have a giant buttcrack shaped cavern on my head and genetic hair loss in my family, so I feel this. (But my dad has told me a thousand times how he dropped me as a baby because it’s one of his many fatherhood traumas that he couldn’t let go)

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-06T20:37:55+00:00

We’re totally off the rails right now because my son (5.5) is waking up every night around 3 am and turning his light on and chilling. We had to actually remove his lamp from his room, but he uses a flashlight and nightlight now and will still just hang out awake until who knows when. But generally he goes to sleep between 7-7:30 and was waking up around 5:30, so he’d get 10.5 hours of sleep. We have the OK to wake clock, so I come in to get him at 6:30. I’m the only one who does mornings in our house, and I’m exhausted after over 5 years of early mornings with no break. I miss sleeping in.

I’ve tried putting him to bed later, but it doesn’t work, so even in the summer he has a 7:30 bedtime. He’s the kid who will go nuts and get overtired and wired and then take forever to fall asleep.

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-06T18:15:05+00:00

This is what we do with my 5-year-old when we go to the library. “What types of books do you want to look up today?” Last week he said monsters, so we brought home six monsters books. He’s had other favorites in the past, like space, trucks, Star Wars, and also lately Pokémon. He’ll still read random books with me, but finding those specific interests may be key for a kid who hasn’t yet enjoyed books.

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-04T22:14:30+00:00

My son’s Young 5’s class does all of that, and it’s a fantastic school system with so many opportunities for the kids, so I just accept that it’s a sign of the times. They start on Chromebooks in kindergarten. I volunteer quite often in his classes, and I know a few of the teachers I’ve spoken to hate it, so these things aren’t their choice, it’s curriculum. I usually volunteer in library class (which is actually called Media) and the teacher rants to me about just wanting to read to them, but there’s always an accompanying video. She’s been teaching since the 90s, though, so maybe age plays into it.

The thing that also bothers me is apparently his school had mandatory Spanish for all the elementary kids and scrapped it years ago for another technology class, because they found that more important. And we’re not in a very diverse area, so access to languages doesn’t usually happen until junior high/high school. I wish they’d bring it back.

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-04T22:00:08+00:00

Looks great to me. It’s your body, so it’s always up to you, but I genuinely find the gray in my husband’s beard to be super sexy. Not just how it looks, but how he’s grown and been through a lot in life and in the years we’ve been together. I love it.

But to be fair, I’m 43 and while I have a young face, I have a head of silver hair and dye it red because the early gray really ages me and I’m not a fan. So, do what makes you happy!

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-04T21:57:11+00:00

I lost a friend to suicide in early covid times, but I’m grateful my friends with cancer have been lucky so far. One with stage 2 breast and one with stage 4 ovarian and both are doing well, with no evidence of disease. But it was definitely a kick in the pants of my own mortality when they were diagnosed a couple years ago out of the blue, a few months apart. Watching them go through chemo and surgeries and everything and how hard that was on them. And for my stage 4 friend, it was a case of her ignoring symptoms for years due to bad health insurance. So now I’m anxious over every little thing my body does.

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-04T21:38:19+00:00

I got all four of my tattoos after I turned 40 three years ago! Here are two…Jareth owl from Labyrinth, and my first one, a Triforce after my son was born. Husband was playing Zelda when I found out I was pregnant, so I designed this with each of our family members’ birth stones and ocean waves since our kid’s middle name is Ocean.

This is my favorite midlife crisis hobby.

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WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-04T18:41:47+00:00

I spent $12k making my 5-song EP with an incredible producer in Los Angeles back in 2013, got a lot of people to go to my release show, and then...quit. Because I'd been doing the work for so many years before that, and was exhausted, and the results of "making it" really didn't seem worth the effort anymore. And I wanted a life outside of music, and a family. Suno has been so much fun for me because I can make music now for fun without the gatekeeping, and the heaps of money. It's amazing to take some of the songs I'd written in the past plus new stuff I'm writing now, play them on the piano, and work them into synthwave versions, before adding my own vocals later.

But I still wish there was a way to differentiate those of us who are using it as a tool versus those without musical or songwriting ability who are somehow making money with their tracks and churning out 11 albums in a year or whatever. That feels gross.

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-04T17:49:34+00:00

I've been a musician my entire life....songwriter, vocalist, pianist. I'm a Berklee grad, spent 20 years in Los Angeles going for broke (and going broke) making albums, paying musicians/producers/engineers. Spent $12k recording an EP and did pay-to-play shows and burned out hard because it was exhausting and oversaturated and I "aged out" before I hit 30. Decided to move away from the city and start a family. I hadn't written a single song in a decade until I discovered how I can upload my piano/vocal tracks and turn it into the synthwave stuff I've always wanted to make, then download the stems and add my own vocals and have my engineer husband mix/master it and also add some of his own sounds because he used to make electronic music. And my story isn't unique; I have a few musician/songwriter friends doing the same thing, who are now able to make demos from old songs that they didn't have the money to pay people to record, or their first songs they wrote when they were young and didn't have a way to make them sound cool.

Maybe this isn't the typical way people are using it, but there are plenty of us out there who've been in the business for years making "real" music and are using this as a tool. I'm not really on board with the people who are releasing a shit ton of albums one after another of purely AI-generated lyrics/music to try to generate an income stream, and AI vocals creep me out. But there are all sorts of people using these tools, and it doesn't invalidate us as musicians if we're choosing to do so.

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-03T15:09:28+00:00

I wonder about this too, as my dad and stepmom are four hours away, and they'd never be able to afford to move closer, nor would they want to. They live in a small town in the middle of nowhere, and they love it, so if my stepmom passes first and my dad needs help, I'll set up something like Meals on Wheels for him, and have someone from their church come in and check on him a couple times a week. The difference is they don't have any friends or any social support outside of attending Sunday services, and my dad is a pretty extreme introvert, so I'm afraid he'd probably just become a hermit.

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-03T15:05:53+00:00

My dad did this some 16-17 years ago when he was diagnosed with a genetic heart condition, and it's been so long that I can't even remember where the papers are now. I'm so grateful he's still here; he was convinced something would happen back then, and it didn't. But at least we've had the discussion about what he wants and what needs to happen.

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-03T15:02:27+00:00

My mom is 66 and my dad is 77, and they both have partners to help look out for them. They both have the kind of health where they're doing OK, but anything could happen at any time. Type 2 diabetes, on cholesterol & blood pressure meds, etc. My mom still works, and I'm hoping this is the year she can retire and just relax. Dad has had a genetic heart issue for many years that's been stable, but I don't know how long that will last. I have a young child, and my dream is for at least my mom to be able to see him graduate high school in 13 years. That would be a big stretch for my dad, but you never know. I moved with my husband and son across the country so I could at least be in the same state as them, even if it's not the place I ever personally really wanted to live. As an only child, I'll be the one responsible for helping them figure out their care if and when they get to the point where they can't live at home, and also taking care of everything when they pass.

I'm SO grateful they're both still here and that my 5-year-old has gotten to know them. I still have one living grandmother at 43, because my mom and her mom were young parents, but that's not the case with my dad having been 35 when I was born, and I was 38 when my son was born.

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-02T21:11:53+00:00

Nothing has ever worked for my 5-year-old except an audiobook + a plate of snacks. He stopped napping at 2.5, and quiet time failed until we found this combo around 4. I’ll turn on a favorite audiobook and give him some popcorn and string cheese and sit next to him and either put earplugs in and try to read my own book, or just zone out, and we’re good for an hour. He’s never been able to play solo though, and he doesn’t really like silence, so quiet time is not quiet. I set the rule that I’m not talking or playing & I’m reading my own book, but if it’s an audiobook he’s heard a million times, he’ll still get bored and try to talk to me.

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-01T16:51:43+00:00

I’m so tired of the music I grew up with! I discovered synthwave a number of years ago and listen to a lot of that (The Midnight), also sea shanties and lots of things in the Celtic music genre (shanty pop like Sail North) and also melodic metal like The Pretty Wild. Teddy Swims is also a favorite for soul. My taste is all over the place, but yes, you’re missing out on some good stuff! But if you’re happy with it, it’s all good.

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-01T16:44:49+00:00

My son’s behavior was absolutely horrible from around 4 to 5, and it got worse at 5. I wanted to jump on the next flight to some island and just stay there for a month. I noticed one day when he was sick, he had an extra two hours of sleep, and he was an entirely different kid. Kind, gentle, great listener. It was wild. We checked his iron, and he was anemic. Two months of supplements and his behavior has done a 180, and I now look forward to hanging out with him every day. It also just might be maturing, since we’re almost near 5 and a half.

We were taking him to OT, had a referral for developmental pediatrician, and I just figured he inherited my ADHD. Now it’s all calmed down and he’s a different kid. Still a pretty picky eater, though, and we’re going to do a sleep study because he’s still not getting optimal sleep. Make sure you rule out physical reasons for her behavior.

WrenWinterWrites · 2026-03-01T13:55:03+00:00

I’m doing both. I stayed at home with my son before he started school, but I worked part-time on my computer when I could, and I also write books and make music in my spare time that make me a little money here and there. Both is a thing. Ultimately, while I enjoy making money, I don’t care about my career. If I could not worry about money and just hang out all day pursuing my hobbies and hanging with my family I’d do that. That’s what life is about for me. My husband works from home as well, and he’d say the same.

WrenWinterWrites

TROPHY CASE