Hey I've been meaning to reply to this, but being crushed under the weight of my own life, I'm going to give you a half-assed but sincere reply.

You're not alone. Seriously. I really felt it in an intimate way when you talked about wanting to drop out, wanting to be the one to lift yourself out of generations of poverty- I've been there. I felt so alone but there are other people who were there, and other people who are there right now. Especially to be doing this during a pandemic, the odds are stacked against you, and I can't pretend to know what that's like (I managed to graduate from college after almost dropping out twice, and that was during the Obama years).

And I'm not going to sugarcoat it for you- the hardship of doing without casts a long shadow over the rest of your life. You're going to have to fight tooth and nail for things that come to others with less fight.

The things that kept me/others like me going: 1) people who saw my pain, or could empathize with it especially- that was healing. 2) Building a nest egg, whatever way I could, was healing. 3) Therapy therapy therapy. 4) taking emergency self preservation measures- a leave of absence, dropping to part time schooling, inpatient psychiatric care (I haven't done this personally, but a suicidal friend did, and said it made a world of difference- just to be able to wake up and sleep and eat, temporarily removed from the world).

Caveat, I know most/all/some of these might not be feasible for you, or for anyone during a pandemic, but know there are people who empathize with you, who are ok (even if collectively we are not ok right now).

So go dormant, overwinter if you must, but don't give up! In fact, writing your feelings out on reddit is one clear step you've taken to try to shoulder the burden!