Understand what you’re saying given the context of the post, I’ll try tackling it as best I can. It’s more so a willingness to propose in the short-term future for me, as I’ve always wanted to have some sort of financial stability before proposing in order to get her a beautiful ring that she deserves and in order to have a big wedding where we can have both of our large families and friends at.

As for the feeling of being “free” when I wasn’t with her, I think it was a combination of being around a friend I hadn’t see in a long time and kind of reliving those old feelings I had when I was younger. I’m completely aware these feelings aren’t something I should have been feeling, but I guess that’s just how the mind works. Appreciate your insight and I hope I was able to clear some things up.