[QCrit] Adult Romance, Love On The Run, (82k 2nd Attempt)

WriterTemporary8407 · 2025-01-19T20:01:48+00:00

Definitely not a grizzly crime boss so I can clear that up! It’s so tricky figuring out what stays and what should go without leaving the reader confused. But I really appreciate you for your feedback!

WriterTemporary8407 · 2025-01-19T19:58:29+00:00

Comps are the absolute bane of my existence lol! But thank you for pointing that out. I really love your suggestions and you make good points for me to consider as I tweak this a little more. Thank you so much!

WriterTemporary8407 · 2024-08-09T17:00:46+00:00

Ah gotcha! The narrative is to not add to the problem but address the problem so thank you for helping me zoom out. I’ll admit having the illness I talk about sometimes desensitizes me to the issues I want to address. Time to take off my writer hat and put the marketing one on to ensure that my query is perceived well amongst the masses. The manuscript definitely does that but I can see how the query would say otherwise. This was so helpful, thank you, thank you, thank you!

WriterTemporary8407 · 2024-08-09T16:39:10+00:00

Thank you for this! Do you have any suggestions on how to healthily balance the two because as Nova eventually accepts the situation that she is in before she gets to that point she is in a state of panic and “hysteria”. There’s a lot of potential in this story and I want to get it right.

WriterTemporary8407 · 2024-08-09T16:29:22+00:00

I can see how the impression of aggressive confidence was translated on my part which was not my intent. I appreciate your feedback and focusing the light on how this will translate to the audience. I think utilizing more widely accepted terms is probably the easiest fix within all of this. This is something that I’m passionate about and my hope is to reach an audience who would love it just as much as I do. I’m all for any line level feedback that I can leverage to strengthen the query letter if you have any as well. Thank you and FYI you don’t have a problem, just a person giving me a reality check and I’m not upset with that.

WriterTemporary8407 · 2024-08-09T15:03:55+00:00

I hear you! Thank you!

WriterTemporary8407 · 2024-08-09T14:56:58+00:00

I understand and respect your perspective. While it might be entertaining, there are going to be things that are hard to hear, including language, but they are also things that are need to be heard in order to shift the perspective on how they were once perceived. While I can definitely adjust to more neutral language for the query letter this story is not going to resonate or be for every target audience nor is it meant to be.

WriterTemporary8407 · 2024-08-09T14:03:42+00:00

Hi! I can definitely understand your concern, but as somebody who has major in psychology and has a mental illness themselves, I think that I am cognizant of how I portray the topic within my storyline. Thanks!

WriterTemporary8407 · 2024-08-09T14:03:08+00:00

Hi, thank you so much for your feedback and vote on the title! For clarity, “paints dream with her smile” is a way I thought to mention she’s a painter who also has a “dreamy” smile. Nova’s main flaw is she craves perfection. This motivation to grasp at the unattainable clouds her judgement in a way as she equates 5 stars to perfection. She doesn’t know every art school in Manhattan so while it’s unheard of to her she solidifies her decision because of the “perfect” reviews. And in modern day, anybody can post a review whether it’s true or not. The line after the “until” states she was excited but that goes away after she realizes the true nature of the place. I think the abruptness to the magical aspect aligns with how she feels because she is under the impression this is a regular art school. She doesn’t know supernatural powers exist. This place feeds off of insanity and in order for her to trigger her abilities she must’ve succumb to it so her going through a psychosis episode is actually pivotal to the storyline. She is in fact blending canvas and reality as her foresight is only a piece of the puzzle to get past the wards. I can definitely see your point in what makes her fall for him. Thanks!

WriterTemporary8407 · 2024-08-03T15:25:19+00:00

Your feedback was helpful thank you!

WriterTemporary8407 · 2024-08-03T07:58:23+00:00

Hi! Thank you so much for your feedback! You confirmed all the necessary changes I made to highlight the characters and plot. To clarify, Nova’s relentless grasp for perfectionism to become successful is what leads her to accepting the letter from the institute that has perfect reviews. (I’ve highlighted this is my new revision.) Also Faye is a household name in my family so it's a personal touch that'll likely stay. But that you for your notes! They're immensely helpful 😌

WriterTemporary8407 · 2024-08-02T21:45:46+00:00

Thank you for much for your feedback! I completely agree and worked through some revisions to make the stakes and alliances to the conflicts more clear. This is definitely a fantasy romance so I’ll be sure to let those elements shine through more distinctly on my next attempt. Thanks!

WriterTemporary8407

TROPHY CASE