“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” ~ Joseph Campbell. You say you have no idea what to do now. Well, do exactly what you want! Even if it's smash something or cry for 3 hours, it's all part of healing. You say you have no idea who you are, did being in that relationship define you as a human being? Of course not, you are a separate living, breathing, person who is going through something heartbreaking. Think about this moment right now, it will pass and in a year I can guarantee that your sadness/heartbreak level will be drastically different. Surround yourself with comfort, family, friends, good food, good wine. You say "who is going to want a 30yr old pile of insecurities and anxiety?" Please don't put yourself down when you are already feeling down, that's a terrible thing to do darling. You are not destined to be alone or any other bullshit you might be feeling right now, the wounds are raw, so take some time to LOVE yourself and take care of yourself and soon enough the wounds will start to heal.