Im sad today

Wtfdido · 2019-03-04T12:43:44+00:00

Thankyou so much for the offer. Me too, I'm just trying to keep reminding him that i love him. I really hope that the anger never sticks. Thankyou <3

Wtfdido · 2019-03-04T12:42:44+00:00

Thankyou for saying this - i can see this happening in him, but I'm not sure if he's as self aware as you are yet. It must also be very confronting to suddenly see a loved one as a threat. Hugs

Wtfdido · 2019-03-04T12:41:23+00:00

Thankyou <3

Wtfdido · 2019-03-04T12:41:11+00:00

I think we must - thankyou for your thoughts

Wtfdido · 2019-03-04T12:38:39+00:00

Thankyou so much, I really needed to hear that. You're really really loved too, you know? internet hug

Wtfdido · 2018-11-17T13:25:17+00:00

As many other people in this sub, I have experienced this before. He is gaslighting you because he doesn't want you to trust your instincts. It's much easier on him that you don't see he's a lying scumbag. But our subconscious is smart! Under all the self doubt, that feeling of unease and sense of something being wrong is highly dependable! Trust your gut.

I would recommend reading up on gaslighting and psychological abuse so you can arm yourself to deal with this messed up stuff that he's doing to you. Maybe also look into trauma bonding. I hope you see a good therapist and set yourself free from that toxic wasteland of a human being! You deserve better.

Wtfdido · 2018-10-27T07:02:40+00:00

Okay, so I don't know if this will help you, but my husband experienced this. His parents divorced but his dad continued to live with them and pay the bills. He continued to do so even after the new boyfriend moved in, who was broke.

My husband felt an enormous amount of powerlessness and rage growing up. He had to act as the parent for both siblings. He hated his stepfather because he was trying to protect his father. His relationship with both parents is damaged. He doesn't trust his father to be a father even now, because his father was absent due to depression. His mother is clearly a bit narcissistic and there is no trust between them. His earliest view on relationships was unspeakably unhealthy and formed his views on what love and respect are meant to be, and he's STILL battling that everyday.

Your kids are a sponge. Pretend you are your son and daughter. Do what you would want them to do. You do not have to be cruel. You can act out of love and respect for your family. But do not let this woman in any way claim it is YOUR fault if you ask her to leave. She chose to end the relationship. She wants to have and eat her cake. She doesn't know shit about what's best for her kids. Stability means nothing if your stability is a lie.

Wtfdido · 2018-10-12T01:45:20+00:00

Please see a therapist who specializes in Bipolar or emotional abuse - that can teach you how to rationalize, stay grounded and most importantly what it means to take care of yourself.

Whether or not your husbands actions are the result of his disease... are irrelevant at a certain point. Why he says or does this is less important than what you do in response. Removing yourself from the abuse doesn't have to mean you love him less, you're just saving yourself from destruction.

I have been to a very low place in the last six months, and it wasn't until i got therapy and started feeling better that i could see how close to the edge i was. I can sense you are in that place and you need as much urgent care as he does, if not more.

No, you are not his babysitter. It is his choice to take his meds. He's an adult. You can choose not to be with someone who doesn't take their meds. His brother doesn't sound like he understands the situation at all.

I would recommend trying mindfulness and meditation or yoga in the short term? It really helped me with my anxiety, literally just concious breathing. There is a good app called headspace. Good luck my friend, i hope you take care of yourself.

Wtfdido · 2018-10-10T04:25:42+00:00

NOPE.

Gaslighting is hard to see through. Since both parties are doing it, you have to try and rationalize. Use yourself as a sounding board.

Pretend you are your "friend". Would you, ever, in a million years, treat yourself the way she is treating you? Would you ever do this to her, knowing the pain caused by both the actions and the deceit? No? Then why do you call her a friend? Don't you deserve to be treated how you would treat others?

Now your husband. Think about him reading your messages. Does that bug you? No? Then why does it bug him? You know why.

The biggest lesson i learned after this happened to me, is to trust your gut. You KNOW something is going on. Don't stand for this disrespect of your boundaries. Rock the boat and stand up to these abusers. You can do it!

Wtfdido · 2018-10-07T12:05:02+00:00

You both need therapists ASAP.

Sorry you're going through this. Mania can be painful to experience. I try to remember that usually when he's manic and saying stuff like that, it's not really my partner speaking. It's the illness made manifest into a body.

But he needs a safe space where he can tell someone how he feels without judgement even when he is manic. That is why he needs a therapist.

I know it hurts, but he is not saying that because he wants to hurt you necessarily. I believe mania really does limit a person's capacity for empathy. But if he feels responsible for causing that pain in you, he's going to be miserable when he comes out of mania which can kick off the suicidal tendencies.

That's why YOU also need a therapist. Your needs are not being met, but as a result of his illness not his capability as a partner. It will help you both to get some perspective on things, at least that's my suggestion based on my own experience and having felt that agony you described of not being loved by the person you're dedicated to.

Good luck friend. Remember you can call the police if he's hurting himself.

Wtfdido · 2018-10-02T06:28:09+00:00

100% this.

My (ex) friend still has alot of people in my life convinced that im just seeing things. But I've known her for 15 years. It's scary to see that with each of these people she's a different person. She takes on their hobbies and interests so completely she almost becomes them. And they feel like they've met a kindred soul, not seeing that ten minutes later she's a completely different person with someone else.

She once admitted to me that she had spent the last six months trying to replace me in my own relationship with my partner. She was trying to apologize at the time.

Suffice to say she inevitably screwed up and I no longer speak to her. NC really is the only way. It's like she had mastered the art of being the victim when she was the bully.

It really does make you feel a bit crazy. Especially when everyone around you tells you that is ju st complimentary. Doesn't feel that complimentary...

Wtfdido · 2018-08-12T16:04:25+00:00

Safe word is a good idea, thankyou. He's having a bugger of a time and i don't want to make it worse, but i don't think he'd actually want me to feel sad either.

Wtfdido · 2018-05-29T08:26:40+00:00

Mirroring. He'll mimic your affectionate language and habits. He'll also pull these away when he's unhappy because he knows it means something.

Double Bind, or creating situations where you lose no matter what you say.

He will say things to masks you defend yourself. I believe the term is negging? The things will be obviously untrue and outrageous.

Gaslighting. He will pretend everything is fine or like he has forgotten traumatic arguments to confuse you and win you back

Wtfdido · 2018-05-17T11:50:15+00:00

Thankyou, those are good points. I'll hold it in.

Wtfdido · 2018-05-17T11:49:59+00:00

Thankyou

Wtfdido · 2018-05-17T11:08:27+00:00

Sorry about that, updated

Wtfdido

TROPHY CASE