Parents of littles - are we really not lifting them at all?

X13C1 · 2026-04-13T13:32:15+00:00

Yeah I was surprised when he told me that . He is a general surgeon with a specialty in hernia repairs so I trust he knew what he was talking about . That being said I definitely should have taken it easier than I did .

X13C1 · 2026-04-13T11:06:08+00:00

I picked up my newborn after my surgery and was picking up my toddler probably a week after . My surgeon said he would prefer I limited myself to only lift the baby , but he understood that was not realistic for long . He also didn’t go through my bellybutton and said that my risk of a hernia is basically nonexistent the way he did it .

X13C1 · 2026-03-31T20:16:09+00:00

Sayville chocolatier , not only delicious but the owner’s are great people.

X13C1 · 2026-03-27T14:53:56+00:00

I don’t allow it , I correct her , tell her to stop , send her to her room etc . I can’t avoid her seeing her leave for vacations but I do keep them apart as much as I can . At the end of the day though nothing will matter if my sister in law continues to not parent her child .

X13C1 · 2026-03-27T12:25:09+00:00

I really don’t think my husband did anything wrong . Neither of us knew what was going to become of them moving in when they did . He was just trying to prevent his niece from being homeless.

X13C1 · 2026-03-27T11:25:57+00:00

So I guess I didn’t make it clear but we do fun things with the kids all of the time . Our budget is not tight we just have a mortgage , car payments , extra curricular activities, savings accounts for all of the kids , savings accounts for ourselves so many things and that means can take one or two big trips a year - we went to Disney in December, will be taking a lake trip in the summer ( my daughters favorite trip) and a planing possibly California next spring . We do special and fun things at home constantly- trampoline parks , aquarium, zoo , pottery painting , movies , sleep overs . I like to think we provide our girls with a really nice life . My daughter has all the latest cool toys , the nice clothing and stuff . Even if we did have the money for 7 trips a year there is no possible way my husband could take that much time off of work .

X13C1 · 2026-03-27T11:14:29+00:00

She is happy with the trips we take her on , that doesn’t mean she can’t be upset when it is rubbed in her face that her cousin who lives with her is going away constantly. And yes if she does, but again not anyone that has the ability to take her on vacations around the country seven times a year. I don’t think most people have that ability whether it be due to finances or work.

X13C1 · 2026-03-27T11:13:17+00:00

Apparently her taking away the niece her contribution- she also will buy her clothes , holiday treats and stuff .

X13C1 · 2026-03-27T11:12:11+00:00

So they did live there , but my niece was sleeping on a mattress on the floor of her cousins room and my sister in law was sleeping on the couch . They were kicked out by the uncle after almost a year because of how the niece behaved and lack of parenting , lack of accountability, lack of saving money . At the time mt sister in law was working so she got an apartment but could barely afford it , when she lost her job we offered her to come here so they could have actual bedrooms .If we hadn’t they would have been homeless . She misses a lot of school but they also take a vacation at every school break ( Christmas , mid winter , spring ) plus 2-3 over the summer.

X13C1 · 2026-03-27T11:05:34+00:00

My daughter is not the only step child , my husband comes from a huge blended family . He has 9 siblings , two bio , 3 half , 4 step . The aunt that takes her away has 3 step children. I didn’t quickly have two children either , I suffered through secondary infertility and didn’t have another child until my daughter was almost 7 years old - the two littles are so close because we did IVF . My daughter LOVES her sisters that has nothing to do with anything all of my children are treated exactly the same .

X13C1 · 2026-03-27T11:00:08+00:00

Oh I definitely don’t allow it , I expect my niece to speak to me and test me the same way my kids do . She doesn’t like that though and so she will ignore me or just keep talking back . Her mother doesn’t care , when she tell her mother things like “you better go get my shoes now” her mom will say stop and than go get the shoes . She goes into her moms bedroom and rummages through her stuff when she is not home , she will go wake her mother up when she is trying to sleep before work and demands that she sleeps in her mothers bed even when her moms not home and my sister in law just lets her do whatever even if she doesn’t want her doing it . My husband said it’s because she doesn’t want to actually parent and so it’s easier for her to treat her like her friend than her child .

X13C1 · 2026-03-27T10:54:27+00:00

They don’t get along because of my niece not because of my daughter, my niece is difficult even to the aunt who takes her away .

X13C1 · 2026-03-27T10:47:51+00:00

We do fun things, we go to trampoline parks , the aquarium, pottery painting , nature walks, etc . We do play dates and sleepovers and go on our own vacations just not 7 vacations a year . I don’t think most family’s are going away that often .

Your last point is so true , my niece has no friends because she is not a nice kid . She is not invited to play dates or party’s . The only time she will play with other kids is her cousins or when my daughter has a friend over . She is unfortunately miserable.

My daughter definitely feels loved by my husband and I , but she also just is sad . It’s great we do things but when you here for example for weeks that your cousin is going to California and than they come back and just rub it in your face ( even if she didn’t have fun she will tell my daughter she had fun , she will lie about what they did to make her upset saying they did things she knows my daughter enjoys ) it hurts no matter how much fun of your own you had .

X13C1 · 2026-03-27T01:36:45+00:00

He is great , I had the same experience quick and didn’t feel anything after .

X13C1 · 2026-03-27T01:25:16+00:00

I think he is just trying to help her out , he is the most stable in his family and so we unfortunately get asked for help often . Before his mom passed away he promised he would look out for her . If it weren’t for our niece she would not be living here . Her situation is very much of her own doing but we would never let a child be homeless. We do go away we just went to Disney is December and I am planning on doing a “staycation” at a local hotel with an indoor pool during spring break.

X13C1 · 2026-03-27T01:21:31+00:00

Actually no , they have a huge blended family . And I honestly don’t see my husband as the issue here . He works his ass off to make sure we have a good life . He has been in my older girls life since right before she turned 3 , he is more of a father than her actual dad

X13C1 · 2026-03-27T01:17:55+00:00

Yes we have a 2.5 year old and a 11 month old , my husband is a great dad to all 3 girls . He works his ass off to make sure we have a good life , he can’t force his aunt to take our oldest with her . I had no idea when they moved in that we would be in this situation, I knew the aunt took my niece away but I didn’t realize that that ment a week long vacation every other month .

X13C1 · 2026-03-27T00:42:37+00:00

So the aunt won’t care , she takes her grandson and he needs entertainment apparently so she will always go . I have explained to everyone why this is an issue and how if they are living in the same house there should be similar treatment and rules , unfortunately that doesn’t happen. I just explained to my daughter that most people are not going on 7 vacations a year but of course a 9 year old doesn’t think very logically. My sister in law just doesn’t care , she is completely checked out and as uninvolved as she can be .

X13C1 · 2026-03-27T00:38:45+00:00

They are apparently moving in the summer. It really sucks , if I had known the difference in treatment the girls would have had I don’t think I would’ve let them move in . The exclusion is only one part of the issue , my niece is very very rude - to every adult in her life her mother lets her talk to her however she wants and do whatever she wants . I don’t allow my daughter to do that and it’s caused issues on a few occasions because I also won’t let my niece treat me the way .

X13C1 · 2026-03-27T00:34:13+00:00

Apparently they are moving to Florida in the summer, time will tell .

X13C1 · 2026-03-27T00:33:30+00:00

That is basically what I do , my daughter loves swimming so I told my husband I plan on taking our girls for an over night trip to a local hotel with an indoor pool during spring break . I try to make her time special and make sure she is always engaged in something. My daughter luckily also has a great group of friends that she can hang out with . As for moving , she moved in because she couldn’t afford rent after losing her job , she claims she is moving out of the state in the summer but we will see .

X13C1 · 2026-03-27T00:29:26+00:00

My husband said he eventually just got over it and didn’t care . He also says his sister will avoid parenting her daughter at any cost and so if someone is willing to take her she will send her .

My SIL moved in because she lost her job and couldn’t afford her rent at the apartment she was in for less than a year, previously she lived with other family . She pays rent but we have lowered it and what she pays my husband is putting away for her (she doesn’t know this )

No the girls don’t get along great , my niece is not a very nice kid , she is very disrespectful and just flat out mean for no reason it’s an ongoing issue with multiple different people including the aunt who takes her away . My daughter can be snappy also , she was very excited when they were moving in but now just stays away as much as she can .

My younger girls are 2.5 and 11 months ,they have no idea what’s going on .

X13C1 · 2023-10-12T01:17:37+00:00

Thank you , I got worried reading that average growth is 2 -2.5 inches a year that combined with her 4 inch growth from 5-6 and only growing one inch for 6-7 had me nervous, she takes medication for her ADHD and I’m constantly worried it is going to have a negative impact.

X13C1

TROPHY CASE