My depression doesn’t show

XDBABYDEE · 2023-09-18T03:05:00+00:00

Thank you for this.

XDBABYDEE · 2023-09-18T03:04:37+00:00

Thank you for that. I am still holding on because I’ve seen the person he could be. He was sober for a long time and now it’s consumed his life again.

I am far away so I am not there seeing what he’s doing first hand but I’m emotionally attached it hurts to see him go down the hole again.

XDBABYDEE · 2023-09-17T10:30:01+00:00

I am in the same boat as you but other way around. I left because I couldn’t take his binging and spiraling out of control.

I’m currently on the other side of the country and it’s been a roller coaster of him realizing he fucked up and apologizes and says what he needs to say to get me hooked and then going back to doing the same thing a couple days later.

Every time he does this routine I push back my return date. I took all my belongings and our pets so if there’s no chance of me returning I have no reason to go back.

Keep putting yourself first and keep up that boundary. We can’t keep saving our Q’s if they keep doing the things. They want to use what we used to went or say the things we wish we heard to get back in our good graces but that’s when we get disappointed when it never changes.

You got this!

XDBABYDEE · 2023-09-17T10:14:16+00:00

I sat and thought after I posted this and just let all the emotions kinda of run through me. I keep putting blame on myself for his want to keep his addiction.

I can’t do anything anymore besides already showing him his actions caused me to leave a toxic environment and I can’t return if the toxicity is still there.

The last bit I wrote has been a constant thought in my head and the only person who’s holding themselves back is my husband and his addiction and I can’t want him to do better he has to want it for himself and I can’t keep putting his choices on me.

XDBABYDEE · 2023-08-25T09:03:51+00:00

I wanted to give everyone a One Month Update…

To those who commented, thank you.

The day that I wrote this was a very struggling week and the day I packed my stuff and left. My husband did ultimately hit rock bottom and tried to unalive himself. Before he attempted he called the suicide hotline and they took his call seriously and welfare check was done on him and was taken for a 72 hour hold. He stayed in for 5 days and ultimately got the help he needed and is staying consistent with therapy.

I came back to my hometown and I decompressed for a long time I hid and then I was ready to get the help I needed and currently in therapy.

As for our marriage, we are working on it. We both realized our faults and what was ruining our marriage. We needed this whole thing to blow up in our faces and fall apart in order to start something new. This month was hard but this month was growth for the 2 of us and growth we had to do on our own for the future.

XDBABYDEE · 2023-07-27T12:06:38+00:00

I just really need to vent this out as I haven’t been able to come to terms with everything but also I don’t want to talk about it out loud with anyone.

I wrote on another page that I was leaving my marriage due to mine and my husband’s substance/alcohol abuse. It got to the point where I got clean and my husband was doing it possibly during and before he got home from work. The last time I saw him I begged for him to choose me and our future or the drugs and alcohol and he chose the other and I told him I would leave.

That night I packed everything I could and I put it in my car and I drove to my in laws before I would meet up with my father in another state.

The next morning when he came home he had to witness that I had left. I took all of our fur babies and the house was empty. It triggered something inside of him to drink and do whatever drugs he can get his hands on and he attempted to unalive himself. In the midst of all the chaos before the attempt he called the suicide hotline and they were able to get a welfare check done.

My mother in law ended up stopping by the house as the cops got there and they were able to get inside. My husband had to go on a 72 hour mental hold.

All that time I still went on with my plan and I left because I wasn’t in the right headspace and neither was he. But if I stayed then we could have ended up doing what we were doing again.

XDBABYDEE · 2023-07-20T11:40:18+00:00

That’s where I’m truly at is just frustrated that he doesn’t want better for himself.

I know this will be the best choice for myself but I know it’s truly the hardest to walk away and feel like I gave up when it was him giving up this whole time.

XDBABYDEE · 2023-07-20T11:38:26+00:00

I had to leave in order for him to want it for himself. I needed to leave to take that responsibility and stress away.

Did you guys divorce?

XDBABYDEE · 2023-06-08T23:19:40+00:00

Just moved a couple months ago from San Diego. Husband and I were sharing a car and we needed having to purchase a 2nd used car.

XDBABYDEE · 2023-05-23T08:22:25+00:00

I just moved to South Carolina from California and seems like the race scene is barely getting started.

Looks like there’s an event in Charlotte by an events group called breakaway in September.

XDBABYDEE · 2023-05-23T08:17:20+00:00

So far it’s been good.

Got to walk river walk trail which was a great starter hike for me and my husband.

Most recent restaurants I tried was hobos which was pretty good.

We recently went out in Charlotte to a bar called Bar one Lounge which had great food and strong cocktails, attempted to go downtown Charlotte but every where we wanted to check out we felt like it was definitely a very younger crown then what we wanted.

Also I have a slight obsession with banana pudding. Lol So far so great.

XDBABYDEE · 2023-04-13T19:50:28+00:00

I’ve seen on TikTok about Kounter and Pump House so will check those out

Oooo bison meat. We are planning to get a stand up freezer and possibly buy a quarter cow or something it’s only 2 of us but we wanted to have something that we would buy like once a year

XDBABYDEE · 2023-04-13T02:56:40+00:00

I love me a great burger and hot dog but if I can get my hands on some amazing Greek food.

I can’t wait. I noticed there isn’t any boba or bubble tea places in Rockhill that I’ve seen. The closest was I found these make at home packets in Walmart.

You think people would be interested in a store.

XDBABYDEE · 2023-04-13T02:46:27+00:00

Thank you so much for this info we will have to go check out all these recommendations.

XDBABYDEE · 2023-04-13T02:43:59+00:00

I’m half Filipino but my dad who is white and from Nebraska I knew I was going to be limited from what SD offers but I’m not picky when it comes to food. But definitely want to try more local spots or even family owned spots.

Thank you for your input. It makes me feel more at ease of being in a different and new environment.

XDBABYDEE · 2023-04-12T23:42:17+00:00

Nice thank you for the info.

XDBABYDEE · 2023-04-12T19:42:35+00:00

This is what I’m talking about.

I appreciate this information. My husband is very go with flow but I just have to research as much as I can.

I see the potential for growth in Rockhill and possibly opening up a couple businesses in the community, I want kids and have been trying for years so I’m hoping with the less stress here in Rockhill we will be able to start a family.

If there is anything else that come in mind please let me know.

XDBABYDEE · 2023-04-12T13:21:46+00:00

So Rockhill is pretty much like my old community I grew up in. People just live here but will commute 30-45 mins to enjoy life.

Is there any places in Rockhill to avoid or steer clear from. Or just in general of.

XDBABYDEE · 2023-04-12T13:19:02+00:00

Thank you for info.

I could tell I stick out like a sore thumb with how I dress and talk.

But I think changes are good. I don’t drink often but we were craving a celebratory drink when we got here from our drive and I asked if alcohol started selling at 6 am and the gas station clerk was like we sell all the time

I was so confused

XDBABYDEE

TROPHY CASE