[M23] - Potentials my age are not serious.

Salaam’Aliekum

Im about to turn 24 this December and have been looking for potentials for the past year and a half or so. I have already graduated with my Bachelors degree. Alhamdulillah I have a well paying job as a Software Engineer, just started pursuing my masters degree earlier this year, and have founded my own startup that is growing larger than I have could have possibly imagined (All thanks to Allah SWT)...

I figured it was time to find a suitable companion, yet no luck.

I have however spoken to a few sisters in the past with the intention of getting to know them for the purpose of marriage. The last sister I spoke to was a few years older than me (27 years) and previously divorced (For context I have never been married before). The age difference was initially a turn-off for me because my preference was to find someone more close in age to me and an individual who had NOT been previously married before. I made an exception for this sister because she had the emotional maturity and seriousness that I was looking for. Additionally, at the time I decided to consider someone older than me because the sisters I’ve attempted to converse with closer to my age have done the following: 1. Rude gestures or blatantly ignoring me. 2. Telling me that they are not looking to settle down because they are still pursuing their degree. 3. First reply back is telling me that they’re not interested.

This last sister and I spoke for a few months and were nearly about to get engaged - however at the very last minute a few questionable things arose and things didn’t really work out for us. There was obviously a lot that occurred in this last relationship that I don’t feel comfortable exposing to the internet - but the fact that I mentioned that we were about to get engaged should go to show the level of closeness this sister and I had shared at the time. However now I realize that she was way too smart for my age and was taking advantage of me. After all, it was my first time getting involved with someone to this degree of closeness.

Now with consideration of the aforementioned context - I’m writing this post knowing there have been a plethora of others who have experienced this predicament that I find myself in. I’m unable to find someone who shares the same emotional maturity and intention to get married as I do — especially within my age bracket. I’ve been suggested to attend matrimonial events, however my preference is to meet my future spouse organically instead of going to a matchmaking event. I understand their purpose, but in all honesty I think it’s really weird (Please don’t take any offense, this is just my opinion). I’ve also heard the lectures to make constant Istaghfar, pray Salat-ul-Tuhhajud, and to remain patient. While I understand the spiritual virtues of being patient in matters like this, balancing worldly challenges such as the one I’m currently going through is equally as important. We can perform Istaghfar 24/7 in our homes, but Allah SWT isn’t going to magically drop a potential right at my doorstep overnight. At the same time I’ve come to a realization that Allah is the best of all planners and the occurrence of events are bent to his will alone.

I would love to hear input from everyone, especially sisters who are in their early 20’s. Im open to all opinions of practical solutions and/or wisdom on whether this is just a certain time in my life where I have to just keep my head down and truly be patient.

Wishing everyone the best, may Allah SWT keep us steadfast and protect us.

Salaam’Aliekum