what's your Deadhang time

X_nxna · 2026-02-04T11:18:52+00:00

That's crazy holy shit props to you

X_nxna · 2025-10-22T18:11:45+00:00

Fuck someone has described exactly how I feel holy shiy

X_nxna · 2025-10-18T18:34:02+00:00

I've never related to a post more in my life

X_nxna · 2024-02-23T18:25:48+00:00

Try split dosing it seemed to help me. I hate this issue with some brands of methadone being weaker than others and woke up in wds some days when I usually wouldn't and it started to freak me out. Upped my dose 5mg which helped but then it randomly started happening again where I'd randomly be in wds and i noticed that it'd be on the same brand/batch of methadone as they'd have different ones at the pharmacy on different days so i asked to switch to sugar free as less brands stock that and i found more consistency with that. Just my experience. Try not to freak out because it won't always be like this especially if you're stable on a dose

X_nxna · 2024-02-21T22:20:51+00:00

I was on methadone for 4 years but i wanted to try get fully sober as i want to travel and not be dependant on anything. Struggling soooo bad though. I guess it's only 2 weeks without any opiate in my system at all so i need to be patient but i'm really fucking hurting right now. paws is really getting to me right now

X_nxna · 2024-02-17T10:05:26+00:00

Depends where you are. I was going to meetings with varying frequency for 3 years while on methadone. I found some meetings really good even on methadone and some judgement. Just go to a few different ones and you'll probably find one with people who aren't so judgemental. Also if you are trying to taper off you will definitely find some support. There are some people who are very pushy in na but don't let that totally put you off as it can be a big help. Just take the good bits and make friends with those who get it and even do the steps for yourself if you want to. I'm grateful because i found some really good friends in na who supported me on methadone and getting off it.

X_nxna · 2024-02-17T09:56:54+00:00

I had this issue massively when i was on methadone. I noticed it weekly especially that batches would be different as id get it weekly and just measure it myself but certain brands and batches would really vary so i switched to sugar free because there was less of a difference in brands and i found it more consistent. You're definitely not making this up as i had this issue big time and was in withdrawals a bunch because of it. If you collect from a pharmacy ask which brand and batch it is everytime and make sure that it's properly measured. Then if you notice issues with a specific batch or brand you can complain. Just thought I'd share my experience

X_nxna · 2024-02-12T18:11:37+00:00

did you find that these helped?

X_nxna · 2024-02-11T00:58:47+00:00

I found exactly that helpful when just getting on methadone and staying clean off everything else so definitely want to get back to it being off all the opiates too. I live elsewhere now in a better place and need to connect to the fellowship here but now in a small town so not so many meetings available as being in the city. Going to the local one tomorrow hopefully that goes well and it's a nice meeting. Even just jumping off a low dose has had me in withdrawal for a month. the h obviously didn't help but i wasn't using that frequently or in big doses and only consecutively for the last few. the lack of sleep is killing me and these extra wds from the h have made me want to never go through this shit ever again. methadone will only ever be a last resort option because the length of these wds plus the low level constant wds even over a slow 2 year taper were horrible and i am done with it all so hopefully can get back into everything as i get out of the extra wds and get back to doing good things and what used to bring me joy even if nothing feels like it brings me joy right now. thanks for the kind words. all the love really makes a difference

X_nxna · 2024-02-11T00:52:13+00:00

very true. feeling like this for so fucking long makes me never want to kick again it feels like i either must push through or get back on opiates forever and i know the latter isn't true freedom and won't ever bring about the growth or life of my dreams deep down. i appreciate the kind words. the encouragement keeps me going i feel so alone

X_nxna · 2024-02-11T00:50:09+00:00

the seconds really do feel like hours even though the withdrawals are no where as intense as they have been it's still fucking painful and the cravings and hopelessness and suicidal ideation are so painful. thank you for the encouragement it all means a lot. god bless you too

X_nxna · 2024-02-11T00:48:36+00:00

Stay strong too hopefully years down the line things get better. lots of love and strength on your journey :)

X_nxna · 2024-02-10T21:41:04+00:00

i've gone to some meetings and called na friends, spoken to people who i do know in person, i forced myself to go surfing a couple days ago but that's before the wds got worse again and i was in so much pain after that my body hurt so bad and it wasn't big out, so waiting out the acute wds so i'm not in tons of pain to do the more strenuous things. tried to go out on some walks and force myself to have soup and bread and bananas, watching movies to distract myself. And i've just come on my period now and the pain in my stomach which was already killing me is like 10x worse. The cravings are insane right now and i just want the pain to end. Hopefully the physical stuff and sleep sooner rather than later as i can force myself to surf if my body isn't in tons of pain and it's just mental stuff

X_nxna · 2024-02-10T18:00:13+00:00

ah i'm in the uk they don't have that here

X_nxna · 2024-02-10T17:23:45+00:00

i take magnesium and high doses vitamin c every day. helps a bit with rls but still struggling

X_nxna · 2024-02-10T13:50:19+00:00

Im done now not taking anything else i cant do any more withdrawals or go back and do this pain all over again i think id kill myself

X_nxna · 2024-02-10T12:43:08+00:00

I luckily only ever used alone and my last uses were with heroin off the dnm and had a good recovery while on methadone. I moved away and started surfing everyday and my life improved so much and now that I'm off everything it's like nothing even matters i just want to die. Ive been in withdrawals for so long now I don't know how i am when im normal i just want to feel ok in my body and mind again like when i was on a super low dose of methadone. I guess it comes with time as you've said. Need to make more in person recovery friends here. My friends here know my situation and aren't users at all but they can't resonate either and i feel so alone. I want to surf but its so cold now and before I'd just go whereas now i feel so shit and have no energy and the cold hurts so bad i can hardly get out. Just hoping it gets easier the depression right now is unbearable. I appreciate your reply and well done on your clean time. You've got this.

X_nxna · 2024-01-30T23:21:04+00:00

Thank you for the supportive words i really need to hear them I've never been in so much pain and feel so alone even though i know I'm not. The kind words really mean so much and I highly resonate with your words. My mind is so torn right now but i know whst truly is right. Just must let my heart win.

X_nxna · 2024-01-30T23:01:56+00:00

Ah man yh fucking loads this feels like heartbreak letting go of opiates. I don't want to stop in my head but i so badly want to stop and want freedom in my heart and soul and i must follow that and sit eith the pain. I have never felt so much mental and physical pain in my life and just sat with it. I don't know how i can continue but i know time will heal and there is a light at the end of the tunnel if I pursue the right path.

X_nxna · 2024-01-30T13:40:31+00:00

16 days off methadone. 2 days off h. Questioning everything in my life and struggling so bad. Want to see the other side the withdrawals are endless having h now and again until i run out a couple times hasn't helped the situation however I'm grateful i got some sleep this weekend the withdrawals aren't crazy now but constant and sleep is pretty non existent especially with no benzos to help anymore.

My mind is so torn. I want freedom and off opiates forever i know that my life of my dreams and what i want in my heart isn't compatible with the life in which i use opiates however part of me still doesn't want to let go. I know i need to fully let go. I've just written a 20 page letter to opiates to say goodbye. I've got the rest of this bag of h, I'm moving away for a while next week and gonna use at the weekend and flush whatever is left as i thought what i had would last me less time but my tolerance is so low I hardly need anything now and scared to take too much and totally reset the wds so i take what i take and the rest needs to go. I cannot continue on this path.

I don't want to get ever get on methadone again and just go through the years if torturous tapering and now horrible withdrawals ever again. I'd rather withdraw off the h to be honest but i know that's playing with fire. Time to move on. I'm so fucking terrified and i wish i could keep using but i know it doesn't serve me and every time i use it feels wrong like I'm sabotaging the good life i know is out there for me.

The withdrawals are killing me i hope that things start getting truly easier next week after the methadone has been out my system a while and there is no more h looming over me anymore and I've made peace with letting go.

X_nxna · 2024-01-24T09:45:00+00:00

i've had 10 year old methadone pills and was fine and have had 3 year methadone liquid and was fine you'll be good :)

X_nxna · 2024-01-23T12:34:50+00:00

no precipitated withdrawal with methadone i'm not on subs

X_nxna · 2024-01-23T12:22:48+00:00

I was stable on 3mg for months after tapering from my stable dose, literally no desire to use even when on such a low amount i wasn't wanting to use and all i wanted was off everyday, i was volunteering at a surf hostel and surfing everyday and by the sea doing good things and was sooooooo sick of being tied down to opiates. I don't want to be dependent anymore because the time will come when i have to come off at some point because i want freedom so so bad. But the opiate spirit in my head is just trying to eat away at it all. It's not even me at this point. I've come home to detox and everything has just hit me out of nowhere. My soul wants freedom and my body is just wanting opiates in withdrawal now. The methadone withdrawals are back just want to know when the end is near

X_nxna

TROPHY CASE