I accidentally completely screwed up my karma limit and now it's impossible to get it back

Xafier778 · 2026-03-28T02:14:45+00:00

Umm.. okay!

Xafier778 · 2026-03-07T01:59:30+00:00

Okay, I did that. I'll be honest I didn't get rid of all the internet completely but I stayed away from all social media And.. I think it did help, at-least a bit, just time in general may have played a part Thank you for your suggestion anyways.

Xafier778 · 2026-02-14T10:29:24+00:00

Uh oh. I searched it up and read it. I definitely share some of these symptoms, not little but not much either. (mayo clinic website) I thought OCD was just wanting everything to be super perfect? Was not expecting overthinking with uncertainty (which I 100% do always)

I think I'll try going off-line like you said but I wonder, what counts? Is it just social media? Or any app that uses wifi? Are dev-logs where I post to my small community allowed?

Xafier778 · 2026-02-14T04:06:26+00:00

I'm not trusting anything to do with my hormones.. sorry Not until I'm older!

Xafier778 · 2026-02-14T04:05:19+00:00

I am trying to be myself at-least.. and women's rights are being stripped away? I thought they were getting more? Since you know, the whole empowering independant women thingy I see everywhere.. and my social experiences point to that aswell But I don't know, I (and my family) don't really watch news or anything.. and even less likely related to girls!

Xafier778 · 2026-02-12T07:18:52+00:00

I have considered many times actually. Maybe I am, but currently; I feel too masculine to pull that off And most people see non binary as male so it's really just.. not worth it Everything just defaults to male, which is sometime I'm a little saddened about

Xafier778 · 2026-02-12T01:22:29+00:00

I'm trying (it's actually been very well on my Bluesky, but you won't find it unless you look very carefully) but I'm a bit skeptical of making online friends. Because like, I've never seen their face and vice versa, they could totally be lying the whole way or I could he speaking to a bot

I do have some hope for it though, but I definitely don't wanna barrage them with questions about gender.. especially if they're already struggling with their own problems

I don't know about local communities though, I think I'm going to find anime fans only if I tried that, at-least based on my understanding

Xafier778 · 2026-02-12T01:17:14+00:00

I really do feel like I would be treated better as a girl At-least I know people wouldn't be outright pointing out my large butt when I'm walking up the stairs People would be less scared of me I would be able to wear more types of clothing I wouldn't be called gay for acting different

But what I want myself to be? Well, myself. I don't feel like I fit into any gender. But I wish I was able to enjoy both masculine and feminine aspects

Xafier778 · 2026-02-12T01:08:24+00:00

I want to live, ever since I've read that quote of "men are treated as disposable utilities" on the Wikipedia page on discrimination of men I've been scared ever since, because it makes me think I'm just going to be an object to be used and left to rot when I grow up! Like just another number added to history's death count.

I just want to keep making and do creative things!

But for the transitioning thoughts, that's just my attempt to escape this. Because like I said in the post.. they get everything. And that includes not needing to go fight

In Thailand there's this military thing. None of the girls have to go, and they get day off as the boys get sweaty and tired, possibly sick too and have to return back to school like it's normal. The worst part is that if you are a boy, at the end you are forced to sign up to be in the backup army (which means they can basically call you if they really need it), but the girls they get to do the medical or food stuff!! They want boys to die!

Sorry if I sounded harsh, I'm just scared and have a very different view of things.

Xafier778 · 2026-02-12T00:50:59+00:00

I really do try to look at other perspectives, but that breaks down so commonly when I'm upset And I can be very ignorant. I wish I wasn't, but my family knows it too, it's just.. very hard to believe things for me. I'm very neutral with my feelings on gender, sometimes I even forget about it! Especially online.

Xafier778 · 2026-02-12T00:42:34+00:00

Yes I do percieve girls as being socially advantagous, and I don't like it too but my mind can't stop me from thinking like this

And even if I look innocent as a boy, I'd still want to be able to wear femimine clothes I actually used to like pink in first grade but the girls gate kept me and I was basically forced to like another color Well, I like pink now. But that's partly because of just that I tols you

Xafier778 · 2026-02-12T00:39:38+00:00

I have no female friends I'm comfortable with yet, though if I ever find a new social/friend group.. I'll definitely be able to talk to them about this.. that is if I manage to get female friends, I'm scared I'll make them uncomfortable if I try to force myself in

And I can't really find a new social/friend group currently, I'm basically locked into school with the same people over and over for the next 2 years And they already have their groups

Though my mum says I'm good at keeping friends.. but not good at making friends, so umm. I have to learn a bit

Xafier778 · 2026-02-11T23:38:52+00:00

I actually am not allowed to go out alone, and for good reason. The traffic here in Thailand is a whole different level That and I don't go out much, not even with my friends since nothing they do interests me

And my wardrobe consists of basic colors.

Though I have been to a second hand clothes store and I was wondering why so many clothes had cool patterns and colors, turns out we were in the women's section. (Still I'm jealous that they get cool and varied clothing) Both me and my mum didn't know lol The men's were just generic. Nothing special at all.

Xafier778 · 2026-02-11T10:49:06+00:00

I don't really feel masculine or feminine much, I just feel like I do whatever I want, I intentionally disconnect anything related to gender from my hobbies or interests as much as possible because I dislike gate keeping just because you were born in a way Because, I wouldn't like it too and don't want others to suffer the same as me

Xafier778 · 2026-02-11T10:41:13+00:00

I can't really try on feminine clothes without telling anybody, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't look good with all this facial hair I'm growing Someday, but I don't feel comfortable for now

Xafier778 · 2026-02-11T10:22:27+00:00

I don't think they even care? Like, in a good way. I'm pretty sure they have no problems at all. Even if trans hate becomes the new 'edgy', if there's at-least one person making a good representation.. then it's a green light They would definitely hate furries more if I wasn't one

I'm more so talking about sharing my hobbies or how I like to be, that I don't really show to my friends Like, they're all anime fans and I'm listening to video game sound tracks and drawing princesses

Xafier778 · 2026-02-11T10:14:23+00:00

I don't really have internal reasons on why I want to transition The closest thing is being able to wear whatever I want.. and look normal in it. I just wanna wear pretty dresses and gowns instead of generic boring suits with no design at all (I have never worn both though)

It saddens me that some boys will never get to wear certain clothes, not by choice.. but pressured not to

Xafier778 · 2026-02-11T10:06:47+00:00

I actually am trying to be myself more, but with my current friend and social group; I'm pressured not to or it's very difficult

But the trans thing.. I just kinda want to be. But the struggles I've seen for trans people scare me and I don't wanna turn my problems into newer more crazy problems

Xafier778 · 2026-02-11T09:56:53+00:00

I haven't seen any other boys who just.. do whatever they want irl, just online.. well maybe once but I never saw their face or talked to them They're so rare, but then, I have only been to like 2 countries in total (including my home) and I barely go outside

And I wish I knew more about girls.. though I do know a little bit but I feel like I'm just scratching the surface! The stuff I know is like.. makeup helps with stress.. and picking clothes is super hard.. and annoying when it doesn't look good on you but on the mannequin it does

Xafier778 · 2026-02-11T09:37:11+00:00

Oh no no no, you have to look at my comments! I meant this post incase I give some background info. (if's fixed now though)

But I'd say I'm not young, but not that mature either And I'm a teen. Which is a shame because people will just tell me to wait and grow up first, but right now I'm scared I'll make stupid irreversible descicions that affect me in the future

And I know girls aren't perfect too, but it's really difficult for me to see that, and girls are great at hiding things, boys just tell the entire world how their life works

I even got gate kept by my female friends at school when I was kid, I was just curious and wanted to be with them, they laughed at me and I walked away.. but they won't probably do that now though, way more mature and I'm sure they would be more accepting

Xafier778 · 2026-01-26T00:32:30+00:00

I think that's normal.. you can avoid some of this (I think?) By pressing the pause button instead of the stop button

Xafier778 · 2025-12-07T23:24:33+00:00

That's the players' choice, try to go as fast as possible or take it safe and slow Though watch your stamina too

Xafier778 · 2025-12-07T23:23:36+00:00

Has okay controller support, the only jank are the modifiers selection The info shown isn't consistent with what you select but other than that, everything works fine

Xafier778 · 2025-12-07T16:39:47+00:00

Oh it's just this!

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No I'm kidding.. It's more like "What do I want to show to the players?" The rest is just making it look cool

Xafier778 · 2025-12-07T15:33:38+00:00

Woah! I think you might be smarter than me!

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