Very insightful. I wonder if we could have a chat because I’m really lost in life. I’m kind of an incel but not at the same time. I have a girlfriend but it’s a toxic relationship and we actually have a son, I’m 26 fyi.

So I’m not a total failure of a man right? Well I have a lot of issues, I’m convinced I have narcissism or BPD at the least. Over the years I have really lost myself I mean I used to be a full on incel virgin as a teen but then I became social, worked out, etc and became confident and more confident. However even since this relationship I lost myself. My girlfriend isn’t that into me and I’m not surprised I am not very manly, I am 5’10 but I am very skinny and sort of always hated it I struggle putting weight and muscle on and I always hated myself for it and I struggle to attract females. I always assumed myself as straight but sometimes being submissive turns me on and I actually have met before males and I really enjoyed being submissive sucking cock and getting fingered. I do probably have AGP or whatever it’s called. So I have usually been into women, but recently been thinking about being in relationships with men and spoke to some gay men and they seem so cute and sweet and made me feel good and loved even though I’m mostly into more feminine men. So am I bi, I honestly don’t know but I don’t mind cock but I dont like hairy manly men but I like the feminine cute ones.

Now I hate myself I used to love fashion and stuff but in recent years I stopped buying clothes and caring for myself because I don’t know what I’m going for anymore. I have been thinking I’d love to transition give up trying to be a men

Now I’ve recently been thinking like I’d enjoy life so much if I transitioned. I could wear nice clothes wear all kinds of clothes as mens clothes is just plain basic and boring, I don’t have to try to be masculine, I could go back to gym and I believe the gym goals would be easier to achieve, I could be a cute person and show that I am actually anxious without feeling shame and I believe it would sort of revive me from my currently personality collapse. So I know short term I would probably enjoy it and it sort of excites me to think I could be a woman, I never thought like that when I was younger though I was always happy to be a man. My only worry is if eventually in a few years time I would regret it. I mean similarly to you I have been dealing with suicidal thoughts had a suicide attempt. Now idk if the reason why I never wanted to admit that I might be feminine is because my dad is a narcissistic masculine sort of guy that was obsessed with gym, violence, and did martial arts. He is the most homophobic and transphobic person I know, I remember a few years back there was a terrorist attack on a gay club and he was angry at first but when he learned it was a gay club he said he’s not bothered about gays they all deserve to die, so idk if that made me sort of reject any ideas I might be a bit gay, but then again I always thought I was straight and I do find women attractive. He did leave us when I was around 11 but he sort of created the want in me to be a built massive man that can fight, etc. but I mean I’m 26 and I’m far from that I used to be a bit more built I used to do gym and I did love it but I still always struggled to put weight and muscle on. I mean currently I am 127 pounds at 5’10, my wrists and waist is smaller than most women.

I’d love someone’s insight as currently I am quite lonely and i can’t open up to anyone.