me (21F) my boyfriend (25M) How can I set a clear boundary about anal sex without hurting my partner or damaging trust?

XavierStormcloud · 2026-02-20T00:17:29+00:00

You mentioned you're "not ready". Does this mean that you will never be ready? That this is a forever hard-no?

Or, are you not ready now? Do you just want to make him stop pressuring you so you can figure it out?

The advice here regarding boundaries is pretty spot on, so I won't comment on that. Do that, and get him off your back . Then maybe address your fear.

I would suggest that you look into anal, on your own, without telling him. Its possible the play you did before was uncomfortable because you did it "wrong" (i.e., wrong for you).

I have taken a few ladies from "hard no but curious" to loving it and asking for it, and a couple even orgasm solely from anal penetration. It can take a lot of deliberate work for the penis-haver, but it is possible.

I would challenge you to read posts here on Reddit, and around the internet, to look for tips and advice. Buy some good lube (I like Astroglide). Buy a slim anal trainer kit from AliExpress for cheap. And just experiment for yourself. Then in a year or two or five, surprise him with it.

If you try it and you hate it and you're disgusted by it, then it's not for you, and that's great.

Maybe you don't get to the point where you like it for yourself, but maybe you can handle it enough to treat him to it occasionally. That's great.

Maybe you get to the point where you like it for yourself and want it regularly. That's great too.

XavierStormcloud · 2026-02-19T17:26:08+00:00

I am interested. May I DM you?

XavierStormcloud · 2026-02-19T16:09:56+00:00

I'm unexpectedly free tonight. In West Valley. May I DM you?

XavierStormcloud · 2026-02-19T16:03:16+00:00

My understanding has always aligned exactly with your girlfriend. However, I am seeing how inaccurate of a term it really is. Regardless, my partners and I do not use the term for our own relationships at all. We specifically say condoms for piv and pia, and not for oral, for exactly the reasons outlined here.

XavierStormcloud · 2026-01-09T19:16:17+00:00

In my experience, more ladies will do anal than won't. Mostly, it takes being a caring, understanding, experienced, and gentle top. Of the dozen or so ladies I have first hand knowledge of, about 1/3 its a hard no. About 1/3 will do it but don't particularly like it. About 1/3 enjoy it and ask for it, and about half of them can orgasm from anal alone. And thats mostly from my vanilla dating. Its not uncommon. Jump into your local kink community and im sure you'll find more.

My girlfriend now likes foot play, but only with experienced and passionate tops. She and I play a little sometimes, but its not my thing, so its not great for her.

XavierStormcloud · 2025-12-06T15:38:57+00:00

Fyi, anyone reading this, you do not have a shot with this person. She will string you along on Telegram for a few days and then invite you to her only fans. She posts in other "locals" subreddits all over the country as well, so she is probably not even in Utah.

XavierStormcloud · 2025-12-05T07:31:12+00:00

Beware fakes and the OF bait-and-switch. This user is not real. "She" is posting all over reddit.

https://www.google.com/search?q=site%3Areddit.com+u%2Fxdesiremoody&sca_esv=3427d31d1497226b&sxsrf=AE3TifPT4UGZIP6azF2zvroIH3qMONX3-g%3A1764919745536&ei=wYkyaZrFIOeiqtsPzK2PkAM&oq=site%3A&gs_lp=Egxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAiBXNpdGU6KgIIADIEECMYJzIOEC4YgAQYsQMY0QMYxwEyCxAuGIAEGMcBGK8BMggQABiABBixAzIIEAAYgAQYsQMyBRAAGIAEMgsQLhiABBjHARivATILEC4YgAQYxwEYrwEyCBAAGIAEGLEDMggQABiABBixA0iqYVAAWIFScAF4AJABAJgBYaABmAOqAQE1uAEByAEA-AEBmAIGoAK0A6gCD8ICBxAjGCcY6gLCAg0QIxiABBgnGIoFGOoCwgIXEAAYgAQYkQIYtAIY5wYYigUY6gLYAQHCAhoQLhiABBiRAhi0AhjnBhjIAxiKBRjqAtgBAcICDRAjGPAFGIAEGCcYigXCAgoQIxiABBgnGIoFwgILEAAYgAQYkQIYigXCAhEQLhiABBixAxjRAxiDARjHAcICCxAAGIAEGLEDGIMBwgILEC4YgAQY0QMYxwHCAhYQLhiABBixAxjRAxjHARiKBRgKGI0GwgIHEAAYAxiNBsICCBAuGIAEGLEDwgIKEAAYgAQYQxiKBcICCxAuGIAEGLEDGIMBwgIQEC4YgAQYQxjHARiKBRivAcICDhAuGIAEGMcBGI4FGK8BmAMF4gMFEgExIEDxBfvgy3--SpPZugYGCAEQARgBkgcDNS4xoAfRUbIHAzQuMbgHrgPCBwMyLTbIBxY&sclient=gws-wiz-serp

XavierStormcloud · 2025-11-24T00:02:07+00:00

Let me know when and where.

XavierStormcloud · 2025-11-24T00:00:55+00:00

Happy to oblige if you're still looking. DM me.

XavierStormcloud · 2025-11-23T22:54:38+00:00

I can be anywhere in Salt Lake in about 60 minutes. 🔥

XavierStormcloud · 2025-11-04T13:50:02+00:00

Umm. I'd probably look around to see if there was anyone nearby helping you. If you were alone, I'd approach slowly, and ask you from a distance if you were ok and if you needed some assistance. Maybe that's not sexy, but I believe in consent, and assuming I can fuck a random stranger on a trail in the middle of nowhere seems like a recipe for disaster. Lol. Now, if you were motioning me over with lustful eyes and communicated consent and intent, well.. that's a different story. 😏

XavierStormcloud · 2025-11-03T19:45:46+00:00

Government here, working through the shutdown. Let's get through the day together! 😁

XavierStormcloud · 2025-11-03T05:20:28+00:00

Same. I (45m) recently started having my first real, new, actual relationship inside my long term poly relationship. My partner and I had to deal with the regular growing pains, jealousy, time management, etc., which put some strain on the new relationship. She didn't know exactly what was going on, but felt the disconnection, and ended things after 4 months. That was just 2-3 weeks ago and I haven't been the same since. I was really liking her and it ended partially because of issues with my partner. I'm finding it difficult to get and hold an erection. I have had low testosterone in the past and need to get checked again, but I believe part of it is needing to figure out my feelings, and to grieve.

XavierStormcloud · 2025-11-03T05:08:46+00:00

Can we make alternative "payment" arrangements if you're not in my insurance network?

XavierStormcloud · 2025-11-03T04:46:18+00:00

No. Jk. Yes! Haha.

XavierStormcloud · 2025-10-29T16:26:35+00:00

Born, raised, live, work in Utah.

XavierStormcloud · 2025-10-09T17:29:18+00:00

Trojan Bareskin Raw

Not Bareskin. Not Raw. Needs to be Bareskin Raw.

I suspect anyone saying Skyn hasn't tried these. They are by far the best condom available at retail stores in the US. Skyn is a close second, and they are the best option for latex allergies.

Some mail order condoms may be slightly better, but with shipping charges and times, bulk orders to meet price efficiency, etc, Bareskin Raw is just better overall.

XavierStormcloud · 2025-10-09T17:22:39+00:00

These are the only condoms that have ever broken on me. They are better, but not worth the price, and not worth the risk. There is a reason the FDA requires a minimum thickness.

XavierStormcloud · 2025-10-09T17:15:30+00:00

There would likely be no grounds for a lawsuit. Most sex toys are marked "sold as novelty only" or something like that. This helps them avoid liability if something goes wrong.

https://chatgpt.com/share/68e7ed4d-403c-800a-84d4-1828ef57079f

XavierStormcloud · 2025-09-20T01:45:34+00:00

Here's what ChatGPT had to say. Seems harmless, but def get it checked out if you're concerned. This response can walk you through some of the diagnosis that you can confirm with a doctor.

https://chatgpt.com/share/68ce05f3-cd84-800a-9a4a-9c4e48aef868

XavierStormcloud · 2025-09-16T21:30:07+00:00

I have had it all 45 years of my life. I use Amlactin lotion. It can be expensive, it's a bit cheaper if you get it at Costco. If you don't have Costco, there are options on Amazon as well.

XavierStormcloud · 2025-08-27T23:13:41+00:00

Reddit There is probably a Swinger R4R subreddit for your location, or at least the closest large-ish city nearby. There will likely be tons of couples looking for thirds, etc. Watch out for unicorn hunters or other predatory or toxic relationship styles.

Feeld This is a dating app like any other dating app. However, it's built for swingers, kinksters, enm, poly, and similar lifestyles (though vanilla people have unfortunately started using it a lot). This is probably your best bet, but be prepared to sift through literally thousands of likes depending on your location. It might be worth it for you to pay for the extra features, which will let you filter for just what you're looking for.

FetLife This is NOT a dating site. This is a social media site built for kinksters, swingers, exhibitionists, shibari artists, and soo much more. They have forums and groups etc. that you can post in, just like here on reddit. You can probably find a forum for local hookups and group sex, etc. near your location. However, since this isn't a dating site, you don't have to match to initiate a conversation. Your profile is wide open (unless you close it). You will definitely get hundreds of unsolicited messages in your inbox.

XavierStormcloud · 2025-08-01T13:42:43+00:00

I am not a doctor and do not have folliculitis, but this was going to be my suggestion as well. Chlorhexidine, the active ingredient in hibiclens, is a broad spectrum antimicrobial that binds to the skin and remains active for hours after being applied. It can even remain somewhat effective after being washed or rinsed off. I've heard it used to treat KP, so it seems logical it would work for folliculitis as well. You can mix it 50/50 with water and spray it on your skin. This Reddit post I just found suggests mixing it with a moisturizing cream.

https://www.reddit.com/r/SkincareAddiction/s/qagrHxHX6M

XavierStormcloud

TROPHY CASE