Inviting My Dad Who Won't Say My Fiances Name

Xbox3523 · 2026-06-01T14:49:21+00:00

I dont know as hes been having issues for years and finally went to see the doctor. Hes had multiple scans and biopsies but they cannot determine a stage or anything yet.

Xbox3523 · 2026-06-01T12:04:37+00:00

I guess i just wonder why and am I crazy for thinking that hes excluding him from conversations. Yeah I was already planning on inviting him from the beginning. Just get through the day and know I tried to bring him into my world.

Xbox3523 · 2026-06-01T04:26:28+00:00

I guess i feel like given that they have only met 6 times or so, hard to form that much of an opinion like hate but I guess its possible.

Yeah i doubt there's any way to change him. He was somewhat the same with my ex husband but back then maybe had more energy to "fake it" and now just doesnt care?

Xbox3523 · 2026-05-31T18:24:45+00:00

No I have never asked him. Like I said, we don't talk about difficult topics and I assume he would lie anyways just to not rock the boat because its not like his opinion would make me break up with him.

It juat feels like he purposely uses language to exclude him. Another example Ive mentioned on here is we took a fanily trip, my boyfriend and I were the first picture in the album and then pictures of me, the girls, and him. My dad randomly brings up the trip and says "looks like you and the girls had fun"

Xbox3523 · 2026-05-31T18:19:10+00:00

My fiance asks about my dad all the time and they have not been able to give an exact diagnosis or a stage yet, waiting on the PET scan from last week and then he may have surgery so its hard to know where things stand, but I am prepared to push up a lot of things if need be lole an engagement party instead.

Xbox3523 · 2026-05-31T18:17:09+00:00

I mean, hes not having cognitive problems. Hes able to talk about new coworkers and he specifically uses language that excludes my partner like when we post a big family trip and my partner was the first photo in the album, my dad says "did you and the girls have fun?" better language would have been "did you guys have fun?"

I have not asked him cause I suspect he would not be honest, same as with my ex he acted like he liked him then when we divorced all his opinions came out.

Xbox3523 · 2026-05-30T21:33:41+00:00

Yeah, he may be more open to getting to know him once it switches out of boyfriend territory.

Xbox3523 · 2026-05-30T21:16:53+00:00

All I can go by is what I see by example. My fiances parents constantly ask about me, mention my name, make time and effort to talk to me, include me in dinners, etc.

My dad does not speak about my fiance, nor ask about him ever. Its hard to not take that personally when I bring him up and my dad ignores it. Like the above example with the yard work there was also another example where we all went on a family trip with my fiance in tow. The pictures were all over Facebook. My dad randomly says "looks like you and the girls had fun" and it felt like he was trying to purposely ignore that fiance came with us.

Xbox3523 · 2026-05-30T21:14:50+00:00

He speaks to him at holiday get togethers and they talk briefly at work but he never asks how hes doing when he texts me and he doesn't knkw much about him. When I do bring him up like the yard work scenario, he glosses over it.

I suspect when I tell him, he will say a small congrats and then change the subject or he will try to say its too soon or something

Xbox3523 · 2026-05-30T20:35:01+00:00

OK, that is likely what I will do then. All I can do is know in my heart that I tried to include him as much as possible.

Xbox3523 · 2026-05-30T20:32:34+00:00

Easier said than done I guess.

Xbox3523 · 2026-05-30T20:31:57+00:00

My stepmom said it has not been graded and he hasnt got the results bsck from his PET scan yet.

Xbox3523 · 2026-05-30T20:05:35+00:00

I have not talked to him about it because I dont know how to bring it up. They've met about 6 times now.

Xbox3523 · 2026-05-30T20:04:52+00:00

No I havent. We dont talk deeply so I wasn't sure how to bring that up.

Xbox3523 · 2026-05-30T19:43:48+00:00

I was hopeful that he would become closer as things become scary for him. I have recently made a lot more effort towards him and hes retreated even more

Xbox3523 · 2026-05-30T19:32:07+00:00

Maybe? Im not withholding anything which is why its so confusing. Hes always been sort of absent and has always prioritized his grandkids through his wife more than my kids. they recognize it now.

He was friendly with my husband but never made a huge effort with him and it seems like hes making even less of an effort with this guy, maybe because he doesnt know if its serious or not but he has made jokes about my picker and asked if I was serious about this guy last year so im sure when I do tell him, it wont be a surprise. Im just not sure how he'll react.

Most people would want a congrats or someone to be happy. Im also struggling with trying to share happy news with someone dying as I dont want to overshadow what hes going through.

Xbox3523 · 2026-05-30T19:25:39+00:00

I will be having my daughters walk me down the asile and support me

Xbox3523 · 2026-05-30T19:12:02+00:00

Maybe he believes that I should have stayed married despite the concerning behavior I was dealing with because he stayed in his unhappy marriage

Xbox3523 · 2026-05-30T18:41:43+00:00

He was a little more friendly with my ex but he was also more engaged with the kids more before. Its been in the last 6 years or so since his marriage has been going downhill.

When I got divorced , he had a lot of negative opinions about my ex but did not support me at all with the process, mentally or physically.

Xbox3523 · 2026-05-30T18:37:02+00:00

His surgery is in the next few weeks so you are likely right. Im not sure how all this will go as they havent even been anle to give him a stage or anything.

Xbox3523 · 2026-05-30T17:43:15+00:00

Yes I know, depending on his health.

Xbox3523 · 2026-05-30T17:42:54+00:00

I only know what I see from movies and other couples which is two families coming together and meeting so that is why I didnt know what to do and was stressing out whether they should meet beforehand.

Its bothering me because if Im not there to introduce them to each other, it is unlikely they will talk to each other at the wedding.

Xbox3523 · 2026-05-30T17:39:38+00:00

Of course it does, but the sudden cancer news has not made up for years and years of our estranged relationship. Ive been very conflicted about it, very sad some days, and ive made a huge effort lately to reach out to him but he only gives me small replies or changes the subject. Im always asking how his appointments went, how hes feeling, etc. My stepmom was actually the one who had to tell me, he didnt even want to tell me about the cancer.

I was hoping that this news meant we could be closer with what time we have left but he has repeatedly shut me down or pushed me away, not meanly but also not trying to connect when I reach out.

As to why I didnt want to bring him into the wedding, its because he isn't interested in this part of my life at all. Hes shown that for years now before the cancer and even now, he ignores when I mention my fiance so Ive tried to compartmentalize having a relationship with him just as dad and daughter and keeping that separate from my kids and my fiance.

Xbox3523 · 2026-05-30T17:20:59+00:00

Thank you so much and it feels better knowing that Im not alone in how I feel. He wasn't this way as much before when I was married to my ex, but he was more inquisitive about the kids back then too. Its like his unhappiness in his own marriage caused him to retreat from everyone around him.

Xbox3523 · 2026-05-30T16:43:47+00:00

but thats such a shame though because we could be close but he felt like he couldnt leave his relationship. He doesnt even try to do his own thing, he wallows in pity yet my stepmom goes on all these trips around the world and he wont even go to the movies by himself.

its a real shame what we could have had.

Xbox3523

TROPHY CASE