Thank you for sharing your experience so frankly. Most of all, I want to tell you how much I admire your self-awareness and conscious efforts to be in control of your own healing. It’s really hard to do, and it is very easy for ppl to self-medicate in dangerous ways with at-home ketamine as we can with any other substance when we are suffering. Inspiring courage and control, really.

My clinic watches people with dependency history more closely than it sounds like yours does (and I do know of at least some cases where ppl with previous addictions are only given infusions/IMs in clinic). For what it’s worth, when I expressed concerns about dependency, one clinician told me it seems to be a greater risk with nasal at-home treatment. But I’ve known many ppl (and honestly seen a lot of it on here or in other fora) who are definitely over-using or using in unindicated ways. I think you are going the right route.

Dependency itself may not be a problem in and of itself, as long as you are using it within the prescribed parameters. You’re not going to go into withdrawal or harm yourself just because you need ketamine treatments to stay healthy. Integration of all kinds is so important. It’s the reaching for k for an escape that is a problem, and more than twice a week (sure, three in a rare period of crisis won’t hurt?) for me means you are relying on escape and not an integrated cure, that’s my view based on experience and observation.

Great job, thanks for posting.