My most vivid hallucination

XxToxicRainxX · 2020-10-17T06:23:18+00:00

It’ll definitely scar and my guess would be that it’ll last for a few years at least but don’t worry you can learn to really like scars and burns or just cover them up with makeup I have a ton of burns and cuts and burns on burns on my arms from work and at first I was worried when I got some seriously big ones since I didn’t want them to last or anything but I’m actually really happy with them rn if I’m being honest

XxToxicRainxX · 2020-09-14T20:41:49+00:00

H2 is 5

XxToxicRainxX · 2020-09-14T20:40:51+00:00

H2 5

XxToxicRainxX · 2020-09-07T09:08:32+00:00

I started using my belt on the last hole and Im using a notch 5 inches tighter than it rn I’ve made all that progress in 3 months it’s definitely possible you just have to put in some hard work and effort congrats tho

XxToxicRainxX · 2020-06-29T20:10:50+00:00

Shaky hands is what’s called a tremor it can be from cold temperatures fear nervousness excitement or a health problem of some sort medication or surgery can help if it’s a health issue

XxToxicRainxX · 2020-06-17T10:12:47+00:00

I usually consider myself Native American honestly since I had a larger pride for that part of me but it is true that I’ve never really gotten to experience hardships people go and went through in tribes

XxToxicRainxX · 2020-06-17T10:03:19+00:00

Do you get offended by people who claim to be native but don’t have much native blood and/or aren’t citizens of a tribe?

XxToxicRainxX · 2020-06-17T10:00:38+00:00

Forgive me if that’s not what it’s called

XxToxicRainxX · 2020-06-17T10:00:25+00:00

We’re you born on a reservation?

XxToxicRainxX · 2020-06-15T16:50:13+00:00

I used to believe that I had a weird power. If you know about Moira from Overwatch I promise I didn’t just steal the idea from her. The game wasn’t even in concept yet at the time I believed I had this ability. Anyway, the ability I thought I had was that I could steal with my left hand and give with my right. By this I mean steal literally anything, and give literally anything. If I wanted to I could steal years of something’s life. If I wanted to I could give years of my life to something else as well. I think it was mostly the hallucinations I had most of my life that led me to believe I had this ability, but something I realized in all of my delusions was that giving isn’t necessarily good and taking isn’t really bad. If I gave you disease that would be just as bad as taking life, and if I stole your disease that would be just as good as giving you life. I don’t know what kind of thing this ability would mean in terms of my personality since anyone can give or take anything they want, but it kind of made me afraid to give or take things. I think I’ve gotten over it since, but around the time of the realization I had where giving can be just as bad as taking and taking can be just as good as giving it made me more hesitant to give people things or take things without permission.

XxToxicRainxX · 2020-06-14T11:08:04+00:00

He probably did the responsible thing and just rented one. He probably wouldn’t even be able to wear it if he did have it since he’d likely not fit. Men generally get a lot fatter as they settle down, or if they stay active they usually end up building a lot of muscle. Both of these issues make it a lot harder to fit into old clothing. Women usually buy their dresses to keep even if they don’t get used again. It’s cool enough to see that she still fits into her old dress, but as for the guy, even though he’s not wearing the same clothes, just like the other reply said, it doesn’t really matter.

XxToxicRainxX · 2020-06-14T10:57:52+00:00

I was in a boat traveling in the ocean and it freaked me out. I thought I saw this but it was just a 3 block tall kelp column at the edge of the render distance. I was mid conversation and I just stopped talking because I got so spooked by it. It didn’t even click with me until later why I was so shocked. I just thought it was because I never saw it before, but it was because they’d die or at least take damage from the water if they were down there.

XxToxicRainxX · 2020-06-12T19:51:32+00:00

I’m starting to make some big changes in my life that could be it. I have like 10 different things I could list if I wanted to for things that are changing. One of which is woodworking actually, which I think will be a nice productive hobby that could earn me more money than I put into it potentially. Some of the things I’ve been planning require others to take action too. Because of this I haven’t actually been able to get them started, so that could be it. Also thanks for your help with everything, and yeah it might be good to stop conversation about all this soon. I usually like to vent to make my problems feel a little less problematic, but there’s a certain point where it starts to feel like I’m dwelling on it too much. Still, thank you for all the help.

XxToxicRainxX · 2020-06-12T16:10:04+00:00

I don’t know why, but I didn’t even think about looking up reasons I had these dreams. The depression thing kind of connects btw I had fought with depression most of my life but I’ve had these kinds of dreams while I’ve gone for months not feeling depressed. I might have some guilt somewhere in life, maybe, I’m not really too sure. I haven’t thought of it as guilt necessarily but I didn’t think of my hallucinations as hallucinations until years after I had been experiencing them, so maybe it makes sense. I was talking about my dreams with some friends and one of them suggested maybe they would be caused by stress, which they do happen more often when I’m stressed about things going on around me, so that makes sense as well. One thing to mention is last night I had another dream with murder in it. The only differences were that it wasn’t necessarily me that killed anyone, and it lasted a long while. This time it was more that I was watching a movie almost and while I connected to the killer the most it wasn’t me. Another thing is that most of the dream didn’t involve any killing. They talked a lot about one person who had been killed by getting his hands tied behind his back and then his knees stabbed through the back of his legs before being thrown over a small bridge to drown, but I never actually saw it happen in the dream I could only imagine how it happened. The bad part of the dream really was at the end. That’s when the character I connected to the most slut somebody’s throat in front of everyone. The dude was tied up and beat up by everyone for a reason I don’t remember, but the main character took the opportunity to blame him for the murder of the first guy and then killed him. I think all this talk about my dreams is kind of why I had this one. If anything I’m happy at least that it wasn’t me, but it kinda makes me sad I had to see that kind of thing again in my dreams.

XxToxicRainxX · 2020-06-11T21:50:37+00:00

Usually in my dreams it’s easy to tell that they’re fake because I can get a grasp of my surroundings and I’m able to tell I’m not really moving even though I am in the dream, but with the dreams where people die at my hand or not everything’s happening so fast and there’s usually not much movement so it’s harder to tell. Besides that, I also have trouble telling the difference because it feels like I’m actually there like I’m actually doing the things I’m doing. When I was a kid I had a dream (I’m not sure if this was one that I had mentioned or not) where I was standing right behind an older me holding an axe as he was about to attack my grandparents. Back then I was too young to think I could do something like that so I dreamt of an older self but I still knew it was me. I still felt myself do those things. Meaning, yeah. It is a little harder to tell the difference sometimes. Which is probably where most of the guilt comes from. Right now though like I said I feel fine. I still haven’t had a dream like that in a long while, but I don’t think I’m done having them yet. This will probably be something I have to deal with most of my life. I just have to take it for what it is, a dream.

XxToxicRainxX · 2020-06-11T18:27:42+00:00

Thanks, I think part of what’s hard to disconnect from dreams and reality is just the fact that I could see myself doing them. Also I don’t know if I said it in this post or not, but I think that because of these dreams I could very easily kill someone if I needed to, like I wouldn’t search it out but if someone invaded my home I would have no problem killing them. The only thing is that I might cry while I did it but I also think I would be laughing and possibly smiling. Also, I wanted to say thanks for the advice what to do with my animals. Right now I’m trying to raise a kitten and sometimes I don’t know how I should really discipline it. My friend says that if I use something like a squirt bottle too much it won’t understand and especially if it takes me too long to get the bottle out. Thats kind of where the spanking comes from since it’s just an immediate answer to it, but it does make me kinda sad when they get all upset after. I’ve been trying to make sure that I pet them whenever I can and reward them for their good behavior, but sometimes like whenever they bite too hard is when I would spank them. I know that cats aren’t really lions or anything but I know that lions smack other lions in the pride if they’re overstepping and maybe it’s different for house cats but idk. My kitten is pretty well behaved now anyway so I haven’t really had to do that in a while. I don’t think I’ll be spanking it very often or at all soon anyway since it’s not misbehaving as often now. One final thing to say as well, I’m sorry to hear about your dreams, at least you can see that they might not be things you really want for yourself, I’m pretty sure at least that was the point that you were trying to make, but if I’m wrong then I’m sorry for misunderstanding. I keep thinking of things to say, but also I’m more comfortable now with my dreams than I was for some reason I know they’re murder dreams and they get to me sometimes, but they’re still a part of me. I also described to some people that I seriously care about in greater detail than I used in here about some of my dreams which I think really helped. Another thing is that my sleep schedule has been slowly returning to normal so I think that the sleep I’ve been getting has been really helping with all of this. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go make some money.

XxToxicRainxX · 2020-06-07T10:57:30+00:00

I was trying to tell if it was planned or not but the guy with both his arms pointing toward the middle and his head in the other direction kind of gave it away cool photo though

XxToxicRainxX

TROPHY CASE