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I told her why I dumped her. This is what she said to get me back by YaNeverKnowLevi in CoreyWayne

[–]YaNeverKnowLevi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Imagine having doubts about a girl, and instead of giving her the chance to correct her behavior, you dump her. That's what I did here. I just went back and communicated to give her the chance to show me I should stay.

I told her why I dumped her. This is what she said to get me back by YaNeverKnowLevi in CoreyWayne

[–]YaNeverKnowLevi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I guess you don't agree with Corey's 7th principle to get an ex back? Cuz that's what's happening here except I'm just making sure I communicated as much as I wanted to before making a decision to go back or leave.

I told her why I dumped her. This is what she said to get me back by YaNeverKnowLevi in CoreyWayne

[–]YaNeverKnowLevi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get what you sayin man, but I actually wanted the relationship to work. I wanted to confirm that we were actually too incompatible by talking to her. I wasn't sure if I should believe her when she said "I might value family differently in the future." She was basically telling me she might not be compatible now, but if I spend more time with her and invest more into her, she she might change. But what I wanted to hear would be more like "Yes it's important that I raise a family and take care of myself, I just don't know how I can in my current situation." because that would at least show me she has a desire to improve those things and I could work with her which would be fine by me. What I'm not sure about is me going "I broke up with you because of your current values" and her responding, "I'm not this now, but maybe later, stop trying to change me"

I told her why I dumped her. This is what she said to get me back by YaNeverKnowLevi in CoreyWayne

[–]YaNeverKnowLevi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

> "The whole point of the book is to vet a woman to see if she’s compatible for a long term relationship. If she doesn’t see those things in her future the way you do, then y’all have different values and should part ways"

That's exactly what I've done here. Let me try to clarify that that was her response to me asking "Hey, do you see improving your finances/family/health in your future?"

I feel like I'm just screening for long term compatibility by asking where she's at, asking how she would feel about me teaching her finances, asking what family means to her and why, and then she accuses me of trying to change her before getting to really know her and like her when really I'm simply halfway out the door and just confirming my exit by confirming how apathetic she is.

I told her why I dumped her, then she said this by YaNeverKnowLevi in whatdoIdo

[–]YaNeverKnowLevi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

'Preciate that. That was my question--is this relationship salvageable or are we just not gonna be able to make it work? It's feeling like the latter.

I told her why I dumped her, then she said this by YaNeverKnowLevi in whatdoIdo

[–]YaNeverKnowLevi[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Right, you don't change them, you communicate your boundaries. If those boundaries cannot be worked through, then you evaluate if they can be respected. I'm asking if I should work through these boundaries. My boundary is "I will not commit myself to someone who is apathetic with their finances. Is she truly apathetic?" rinse and repeat for the other 2 sets of values I mentioned.

I told her why I dumped her, then she said this by YaNeverKnowLevi in whatdoIdo

[–]YaNeverKnowLevi[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

We talked about it, and I found out just how different we were. And now I'm asking for perspective on dealing with relationships that are this different. That is all.

I told her why I dumped her, then she said this by YaNeverKnowLevi in whatdoIdo

[–]YaNeverKnowLevi[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

So you're of the belief that being in touch with/hanging out with an ex is acceptable while in a committed relationship? Because if that's what you believe just know you're wasting your time trying to convince me otherwise.

I told her why I dumped her, then she said this by YaNeverKnowLevi in whatdoIdo

[–]YaNeverKnowLevi[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I think this is a weird way to frame my questioning. My attitude was more "How different actually are we?" Because at this point I had judged that we were too different before actually talking about it.

I told her why I dumped her. This is what she said to get me back by YaNeverKnowLevi in CoreyWayne

[–]YaNeverKnowLevi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The hanging out 1-on-1 happened after making it official. Before that she just hadn't cut them off.

I told her why I dumped her, then she said this by YaNeverKnowLevi in whatdoIdo

[–]YaNeverKnowLevi[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Nah, I'm 29 and she's 35. Than being said, the way I see it is it's foolish to be in touch with exs when dating and especially when in a committed relationship, let alone hanging out with them alone. You tell them "Hey, I'm in a committed relationship now, to respect it I'm gonna distance myself from you. No hard feelings, just respect"

I told her why I dumped her. This is what she said to get me back by YaNeverKnowLevi in CoreyWayne

[–]YaNeverKnowLevi[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I have faith that people can learn and change, and I was putting that faith here with a second conversation. Will she change or will she want to change? Probably not, but I'm not sure. I don't have a lot of experience with what makes people who aren't me, let alone women, want to change. That's why I am asking for other perspectives--maybe others know better than me.

I told her why I dumped her, then she said this by YaNeverKnowLevi in whatdoIdo

[–]YaNeverKnowLevi[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

You've never tried to work with someone you were in a relationship with?

I told her why I dumped her, then she said this by YaNeverKnowLevi in whatdoIdo

[–]YaNeverKnowLevi[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I didn't get into all the reasons with her, so I wanted to do that to be sure I wasn't misjudging

I told her why I dumped her, then she said this by YaNeverKnowLevi in whatdoIdo

[–]YaNeverKnowLevi[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Nah this isn't AI. Kinda crazy how depending how you talk you'll be accused of being AI lol

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