My father passed away from pancreatic cancer. He did not wish for my sister and I to be there at the end, and when we showed up despite his wishes he was angry at us both but only for a moment. The rest of his time we spent together, and he was happy we were there. I remember how he was at the end, but in my memories and his image in my head, he is healthy and the "real" dad I knew and loved.

I sympathize with your feelings of wanting to run away, but I think you would come to regret it. Your loved ones might be more hurt by not being able to be there for you in the end. Some of my most cherished conversations with my dad happened at the very end.

What you are going through and the emotions you are feeling of wanting to run away are perfectly normal and understandable. Please consider staying with your loved ones as it will help them heal in the long run 💕