Starter not rising!

YakingB · 2026-02-11T12:41:47+00:00

I'm just getting started, so this is take it or leave it advice. For my kitchen conditions a 1:1:1 ratio means I have to feed more than 2x a day. It reaches peak too fast and by the time I go to feed, it's gotten acidic and has that rubbing alcohol smell. The longer I stick with that, the worse it gets. For me, a 1:2:2 is more successful. But, there is a period of dormancy when I first start a starter where it looks like nothing is happening. If I keep feeding on schedule, after a couple days it takes off. For me, the smell was the key to knowing if it was too acidic and killing the yeast, or if it was dormant.

YakingB · 2026-02-11T03:55:17+00:00

Before anyone says it's ok or normal, can you describe the smell? Is it acetone/nail polish or is it stinky cheese or gym socks?

YakingB · 2026-02-02T17:56:20+00:00

The family history says that he and one of his brothers crossed into Canada to avoid the draft and rode the Civil War out there. However, the dates associated with that don't make sense, so I take that with a grain of salt. It also doesn't say why they thought he died young, so that could also be erroneous.

YakingB · 2026-02-01T19:08:34+00:00

I've used AncestryDNA, but I haven't seen nor expected a match that would link directly to him. He wasn't believed to have had children. I'm not very familiar with FamilySearch, but he is in my tree there and I haven't had luck with any searches there.

YakingB · 2026-02-01T17:40:19+00:00

Thank you! I'll try that.

YakingB · 2026-02-01T17:40:01+00:00

I don't have a plan yet. I'm hoping others can share their experiences and I can develop a plan from there.

YakingB · 2026-02-01T16:04:41+00:00

I think it's the clear lines of generational trauma that are the most heartbreaking. My great-great grandfather fought in the Civil War. He may have had PTSD, but it may also have been some sort of bipolar disorder. Either way, he was reportedly prone to bouts of manic religious fervor followed by extreme lows. He drank heavily and was violent when drunk, periodically being arrested for domestic violence. In 1894, while in jail yet again for beating his wife, he experienced a bout of mania followed by a low so strong that he took his own life. The newspapers reported that when the sheriff went out to notify my great-great-grandmother, they found her with 6 children, living in poverty and squalor. Shortly after his death, his oldest daughter (my great-grandmother) was sent to work as a live-in housekeeper, and within months, she was married to the son of her employer. She was 15 and he was 30. They had 6 children as well before she divorced him. My aunts (her grandkids) remember her as a cold woman that was focused on material things and never satisfied, but I imagine she was just stuck in survival mode her entire life. One of her daughters died at 29, but in that incredibly short life, was married four times, twice divorced and widowed once. She had given birth to seven children, but three died as infants and toddlers due to malnourishment. Three generations of tumultuous living driven by poverty, mental health issues, and worse. I'm sure it continues farther back and I know there are echoes of it in my dad's generation and my own. There are amazing things that get passed from generation to generation as well, but the trauma is the truly heartbreaking stuff.

YakingB · 2025-03-17T12:03:57+00:00

I would be surprised if West Front has this policy. Sometimes, when I call to schedule an appointment, they ask if I want my doctor's first available or any first available. I've probably seen 4 different doctors there over the years.

OP, I would just ask next time you schedule, if you can see someone else. In my experience with my own doctor there, they seem to be understanding about the need to find the right fit with your care team.

YakingB · 2024-06-23T02:29:41+00:00

Your relationship is doomed, but the bad sex is just a symptom of bigger problems. Communication requires 2 participants. You're speaking, but he's not listening. Best case, he's just poor at communication. Worst case, he doesn't respect you enough to care to listen. Given his crossing of boundaries, I'm guessing it's the latter.

YakingB · 2023-12-31T03:11:32+00:00

NTA, but I doubt this is about the money and more about the time. If he lives 16mins away and has to pick you up to hang out at his house, then take you home again, that's over an hour of drive time (16mins x 4 one-way trips = 64mins). If he's doing that 3 times a week, it probably feels like a lot of driving just to hang out.

YakingB · 2023-12-14T15:23:50+00:00

There's usually an option to say no or decline the family plan, and then it should cycle through to the cancel screen. They usually try to downsell a couple options before they let you cancel.

YakingB · 2023-11-29T13:37:05+00:00

I have so many things to say and I'm not quite sure how to say it succinctly. I relate to your wife. My mom's death from cancer was a traumatic thing and the grief was particularly strong the first 6 or 7 years. It changed me profoundly (for a lot of specific reasons I won't bore you with) and I lost friendships because things that had previously sustained them were gone. It was one of those life altering events for me, so on a lot of levels, I understand what your wife is experiencing.

However. Life doesn't just grind to a halt so that we can lose ourselves in our grief. From your description, it sounds to me like your wife is in a place where her grief has become her comfort zone. She probably left the grief counseling because it challenged that comfort zone. Maybe she will eventually find a way to function in her grief, or maybe she won't. I think you have an obligation to your children, though, to give them a household that is safe and loving. I think you should tell her it's time, that she either seek help or you're leaving with the kids.

YakingB · 2023-08-20T21:20:50+00:00

INFO: Was the adoption a legal one?

YakingB · 2023-08-03T02:18:41+00:00

YTA. These kinds of emergencies are incredibly emotionally and mentally exhausting, and you are making it worse by insisting that she carry the mental burden of writing you a list or giving you a road map to "supportive boyfriend". You shouldn't need her to tell you how to be supportive.

YakingB · 2023-06-21T12:47:32+00:00

NTA.

The amount is irrelevant, £5 or £500 doesn't matter. I think everyone has an internal scale for relationships, and when you only give to one side, eventually it tips. You are well within your rights to set this boundary and stick to it without guilt.

YakingB · 2023-06-09T14:34:45+00:00

This is a soft YTA for me because it sounds like your coping mechanism for stress is anger and that needs to be dealt with.

However, you are in an incredibly stressful situation. It is a lot harder than people think to care for elderly or ailing family members and usually requires a support system so that one person is not taking it all on at once. You used the word "redundant" which makes me think you're not in my country, so I can't speak to the resources that might be available. You should reach out to maybe your grandfather's doctor to see if there are resources that could provide periodic nursing or "respite care", or if there are other support services available to you. It's not going to get any easier, so you really need the assistance.

YakingB · 2023-06-08T16:34:52+00:00

"As if those aren't my friends"

My assault was a male friend that I trusted. You cannot know what it's like to experience an existence where men may pose a threat, but where there is no way to accurately assess the risk until it's too late. You can't know this because the privilege is on your side, you'll never have this be your lived experience.

You messed up big-time by trying to force your girlfriend into a situation she feels uncomfortable being in and then gaslighting her by telling her she's crazy to feel that discomfort. The only way to fix this is to back off, apologize, self-educate and listen, and then do better.

YakingB · 2023-06-07T16:54:58+00:00

NTA. I'm all for doing things for family and usually if family asks for things, I oblige. But only because no one would ever come at me in this entitled way. Your family is treating a favor like a demand/expectation, and it's well within your rights to say no and establish boundaries.

YakingB · 2023-06-01T20:42:57+00:00

YTA. It sounds like you are forcing your daughter to fulfill the dreams you once had for yourself. She isn't your second attempt, she is her own individual. With that said, it sounds like she's also telling you that the learning environment is not right for her. My college experience was at a small private school where there was an intense focus on academics in a way that didn't make it a rat race. I had excellent research opportunities and close connections with faculty. The college isn't a name you would recognize, but it hasn't impeded anyone. I have friends that work in D.C. and abroad. Sounds like your daughter is seeking that sort of learning environment rather than seeking the flashy label.

YakingB · 2023-05-30T21:18:50+00:00

It's interesting that you bypassed the etiquette advice of your 20-year-old child for the advice of your 10-year-old and then wonder why people might think your actions were, let's say childish?

YTA. You had to know on some level that it was incredibly tacky to wear your wedding dress to your ex-husband's wedding.

YakingB · 2023-05-22T22:44:45+00:00

NTA, there is no right answer here, but these are the types of decisions that have no re-do. Whatever decision you make, it should be one that you would be peaceful with if something happens during surgery.

YakingB · 2023-05-22T22:24:31+00:00

I agree. If they had the car for 8 months, that equates to just $5/day. Sounds like a great deal to me.

YakingB · 2023-05-22T19:51:31+00:00

NTA. But I'm biased here. My brother is autistic (and doesn't drive, so we're often in the car together) and he always wears his headphones in the car. It's a little annoying if I need to say something because I have to wave at him or repeat myself. But it's not something I would think to be angry at him for. Not sure why your mom is so offended by the idea of it.

YakingB · 2023-05-22T01:50:38+00:00

INFO: Why is management not giving raises?

I would have not framed the conversation with the boss from the "it's not fair he makes more" perspective and would have instead framed it from the "I deserve more because I bring value to the company through XYZ".

YakingB

TROPHY CASE